Movember

Duane decided that it might be amusing to once again participate in Movember.

Last year he went the Mo and the little bit of fluff on his chin, looked like crap and I told him that daily. This year he also went the Mo AND the stupid handle bar things that hung down the side.

It took him nearly the whole month to grow it, grooming it and trying to make the ridiculous thing look presentable. I whinged about it every single day, hoping that would be enough to make him shave it off. He tried bribing me, giving me a list of things that he would like and then the Mo would go. Well I wasn't being held to ransom by an ugly piece of facial hair, so I tried my best to just ignore it.

Finally it has gone. I'm all for the charity aspect of it, but facial hair on my clean cut husband is just creepy. I'm loving having my fresh-faced husband back, the Mo really doesn't suit him

And just when I thought our house would be a "Mo free zone", the kids decided to join in the fun. However, I find theirs just cute!

Happy 3rd Birthday Grace

We have had a fantastic day celebrating Grace's 3rd birthday. It's been a relaxed and cruisy day just with our little family, celebrating and spoiling our gorgeous girl.

I woke early, leaving Duane in bed with both kids. They all woke at about 6am and we snuggled on the bed singing Happy birthday to the Birthday girl. Then it was up and out into the lounge to do the present hand-over. Although Grace knows that she gets presents on her birthday, we have tried to emphasis that a birthday is a day to be spoilt, with love and time - not just a present grab.

Duane and I had been up late the night before putting together the dolls house. It wasn't too bad, although a few extra tools had to be dragged out of the shed to make everything come together.

Grace hesitantly pulled the make-shift wrapping (sheet!) off and excitedly screamed, "A dolls house, it's a doll house - Just like Cassie's!!"

She started playing with it straight away. Picking up every intricate piece of furniture and yelling excitedly to us what it was. "Look Mum, a toilet...ooohhh a bed" She was having so much fun traipsing one of her dolls all around the house. We cleared a space in her bedroom and now it takes pride of place in there.

Next present was from Nan. It was a playschool DVD, which Xav was over the moon about. Screaming, "Big ted" & "School" over and over once he saw the cover. There was also a bright pink scooter, and Grace was excastic when she realised she now had her very own scooter. The darn pink thing definitely trumped our dolls house, she hasn't let go if it since.

After a yummy breakfast of my home made breakfast trifle (layer of homemade yoghurt, berries and muesli) we all got ready for playgroup. Duane had the day off, and Grace was thrilled to be able to take him to playgroup with us. She is a real Daddies girl and loves having him around.

I had spent the night before decorating 2 cakes, 1 for playgroup and 1 for Friday's Kindy. Cass was also bringing a cake for playgroup as it was her birthday on Wednesday. Now Cass's mum is Mrs Homemaker, so yes I was a little daunted at having to bring a cake along to sit beside hers. I went the easy option of a fenced paddock with 2 horses on top, she did an awesome Dora cake. Both looked good and most importantly the kids loved them.

Grace and Xav had a blast showing Daddy off to all their playgroup friends. Xav was being a perfect angel, not running off or getting into the cupboards like he normally does. Duane still was run off his feet keeping up with him though, all whilst I got to sit down and chat - Something I don't normally get to do at playgroup!

We came home and all had an afternoon sleep. We had planned to go to Dreamworld, but the weather was shocking, so we had a nice quiet time at home instead. It was pasta & chips for dinner, I guess that's what you get when you leave the menu up to the 3 y/o! We also had mini custard tarts for desert, and of course Grace had to have a candle in hers to blow out.

I have a little tradition that I do with the kids every single birthday. It's just for me and my memories. I like to snuggle up to them for about 1 hour around the time of their birth. For Grace's 1st birthday I picked her up out of the cot at 9.30pm (the time I started pushing) and cuddled her until after 10.08pm (the time she was born). I did this again on her 2nd birthday too. Now she has a beautiful big bed I can get in a snuggle with her. I layed with her, cuddling and remembering back to our very first embrace. I must have fallen asleep, but Duane knew that I wanted a picture of Grace at 10.08 - so he took one of us asleep together.

Here is my beautiful princess exactly 3 years from the day she was born:

Today was a special day where we celebrated just as a family. Sunday is party day, and Grace is beside herself with excitment. She keeps saying, "I just can't wait for MY party"

I have put a lot of thought and energy into her first proper party, so I really hope that everything comes together and my dear little girl comes away with fantastic memories.

Splish Splash

The day has been heavy and humid.

I have spent the afternoon in the kitchen busily finishing of the caousel cake for Grace's little party tomorrow, beads of sweat rolling down my legs. I watched out the window as a the sky got darker and the air grew still.

Then it came. Only a few claps of thunder, but enough to scare the wits out of the dogs. The rain was coming in sideways - in through the open toilet and bathroom windows. As quickly as it started it stopped, with no relief from the muggy, sticky air.

The kids and I went outside to check out any damage - it was there that I spotted a large puddle PERFECT for jumping in. The kids were stripped off and told to go for it.

I looked like so much fun that I had to refrain from scaring the neighbours and jumping in myself.

Good night my sweet 2 y/o.....

Where is the time going?

It seems only yesterday that I was meeting my beautiful daughter for the very first time, and yet it's been 3 years. 3 beautiful, magical years of watching her grow from a tiny, tiny newborn who fitted perfectly in my arms to a confidant, enthusiastic toddler.

It was 3 years ago today that I realised that I was in the early stages of labour. I had woken in the morning to realise that I had my "show". I spent the day eagerly awaiting any other sign that my baby was coming. I cleaned and cleaned, not really sure what was happening, just that something was. By the end of the day nothing had started. Duane & I settled in to watch Tv for the night when around 7pm I noticed that I was getting pains, nothing regular but still pains. We sat there giddy with excitement, eating my pregnancy craving of ice cream, walnuts and ice magic. I went to bed, not knowing what to expect. Duane went to bed thinking that my waters were going to explode everywhere.

I slept all night, occasionally waking up with a slight period pain. All the next day I was getting the pains, not a lot of regularity to them and not causing too much discomfort. About 4pm I had to start standing when they were coming, but in between contractions I felt great. Things started heating up at about 7pm.

I went to hospital around 8pm, and after 2 hours of hard work I met my sweet girl and feel deeply and instantly in love. It was, and it still is one of the most magical moments of my life.

So good night my sweet little girl, tomorrow you will be a big 3 year old. You are the absolute light of my life, my shining star who brightens my every single day. I love you.

As a special treat, I went today and got some ice cream, walnuts and ice magic, which I am going to enjoy now whilst I reminisce about that beautiful day. All whilst watching Duane fumble about trying to put together the doll house our birthday girl is waking up to tomorrow.

Baking and babysitting

I've had a very productive and busy day today!

We are having a party on Sunday for my little Princess who is turning the big 3 on Thursday. I've made 4 cakes (1 for playgroup, 1 for kindy and 2 for the "party cake"), 18 cupcakes, 24 egg and bacon pies, 24 mini meat pies, 48 mini quiches and organised a roast chicken dinner for tonight. PHEW!!

I am hot, sweaty and just trying to work up the motivation to clean up the huge mess that is stacked high in the kitchen. The dishwasher and oven are certainly getting a workout today, they have both been going flat out since about 9am.

I should also mention that I have 3 kidlets to amuse today. Miss Malia has joined us for an all-day play date as her Mummy has the horrible cold that is going around and welcomed the offer of a toddler free day. The kids have been fantastic, mostly playing outside in the sandpit or bouncing around on the trampoline. Malia and Grace call them self the "trampoline girls", yelling it out as they bounce around. I also got a second-hand cosy coupe yesterday so they have been zooming around the yard on that, turning the cubby house into a petrol station and filling the tank up with water. They are all on there best behaviour, AND no I am most definately not bribing them with cake-mix laden beaters!!!

I think I've also been duped into a false sense of life with 3 children. They have all been playing so well and can you believe that my house is silent. Yes, all 3 children easily went down for their afternoon naps at about 1.15pm. Xav didn't go until about 1.45pm, but I just set him up watching his beloved playschool whilst I put both girls to bed. I put them in my bed, read a few stories and then layed down with my hand on each one. Malia didn't have her dummy so I got a new one of Xav's out for her, she wasn't impressed - throwing it across the room in disgust, "No dummy". Grace asked me to sing one of her favourite songs for her, Beautiful Boy. I sung it over and over with my eyes closed, peeking out occasionally to check if eyelids where getting heavy. Malia dropped off, so I then rolled over to Grace. She drifted off after a little while longer, then I snuck out. Grace must have woke at some stage, cause the next time I checked she was curled up asleep in her bed.

I'm so happy that most of the party food is already done. Now I just have to decorate the cakes and make the rest of the morning tea food then it's all done!!!

I'm not sure who is the most exited about the up-coming birthday & party, Grace or me. I can't wait to see her reaction when she sets eyes on her new dolls house. It's every little girls dream and I'm sure (well I hope!) that she will spend lots of time playing with it.

Birthdays are so exciting for a 3 y/o, they really get the whole concept of it - not just interested in the paper and box. She's picked out her cake and helped decide on what games we are doing for her party. We have about 18 adults and 10 kids coming, which is just about as much as our little house could handle. I would have loved to invite all her little friends from playgroup and mothers group, but it just gets too many. I did let her choose 1 friend to invite and there was no hesitation, she immediately picked Cassie. Grace and Cass are great friends, seeing each other twice a week and Grace talks non-stop about Cassie when she is at home. Always wanting to know if she can go see her or pretending to be calling her on the phone. They were born a day apart and both very similar in their interests and mannerisms. It helps that Jen and I are so similar too and get on fantastically, so I highly approve of her choice of "first best friend".

Ok, I think my peace and quiet time is coming to an end. I can hear one of the children rise, so no doubt the other 2 are to follow. We have a jam packed and fun filled afternoon planned - making jelly, painting and making lady birds out of egg cartons.

It's finally out!!!

Yippeeeee!!!

This trip to the dentist's chair was successful, and the stupid pesky wisdom tooth is now just surgical waste!!!

I was nervous going, not sure whether I would have the same reaction to the anaesthetic like last time. I got there and we had a little chat about the last visit. He reassured me that it was most likely the infection causing all the trouble and doubt that it would happen again. 3 successive needles later and I was all numb and ready to go. I couldn't believe how much better I felt this time, after the 3rd last time I had turned into a twitching mess.

So after poking around and making sure that I couldn't feel a thing, he set to work getting the blasted thing out. He wriggled it, pushed & pulled but it wouldn't come. Then the top was drilled of it and forceps shoved in as he tried to grasp the tooth. He huffed and puffed, but it still wouldn't come. I quickly opened my eyes and had a peek, only to quickly see the large pointy forceps coming towards my mouth. Then the dentist commented, "If this doesn't get it out, I'm not sure what will"

I layed back and tried to relax my mouth, very hard thing to do though will all the commotion going on inside it. One side of my lip was pulled so tightly, the tongue was held out of the way by the assistant (and I quote, "So I don't cut it!!). He tried to grab the tooth, slipping a few times sending the instruments ricocheting of other parts of my un-anaesthetised mouth.

I heard the sound of my tooth cracking and crunching, all whilst trying to stay relaxed and willing my tooth out of my body. Finally after one humongous jolt & crack it came away. Well all except one tip of the root. After having a look around and not finding anything Mr dentist came to the conclusion that it had either been sucked up with the suction thingy or I had swallowed it. Yuck, yuck!

I didn't really care though, I was just so happy it was finally out, even if it did look like a murder scene had just happened on my face and chest - there was blood splattered everywhere!

So after packing my mouth with gauze Mr Dentist explained that with all the force he had to use I would most definitely be in a lot of pain later. Also because to free the tooth he had to drill the bone, which would also result in pain.

Pain, pfft! Surely the pain from after that wouldn't even come close to the pain I have been in all week!

Again he said that the numbness would stick around for another 3 or 4 hours, well just as I was paying the bill I started getting feeling back. By the time I had gotten home it was nearly all back to normal, and YES it was a lot of pain.

Add to that the fact that I haven't eaten since my very early breakfast and I am starving. I can barely get water in my mouth let alone food, so looks like that's off the agenda for a day or so!

I was probably just as nervous about the bill as I was about the tooth, but it seems my husband has friends in high places. It was only $250, and might just have been the best $250 that I have ever spent.

Off to dose up on panadol and hit the sack. Hopefully things would have eased up by tomorrow.

Attempt #2

Ok, so it's back to the dentist for me today.

The swelling has gone down and either my pain threshold has increased or the infection is getting better. Let's hope that the infection is nearly gone and the anaesthetic will work successfully, the tooth will just slip out and all the horrible pain will subside.

My darling husband has spilt his work day today so that he can hold my hand through the whole thing. He started work at 5am this morning, finishes at 11am, then afterwards he'll drop me off and head back to work. I am so glad that he is coming, I am feeling slightly anxious about it all. I just hope that I don't need all that anaesthetic again, cause that was a very strange feeling. I have been reassured that it most likely didn't work because of the infection - something to do with the alkalinity and acidity reacting to each other.

It has to work today, I don't think that I have enough courage for a third visit to the drill man.

Sweet 16 months

My gorgeous little boy is now sweet 16 months. There's no denying it now, he IS a toddler. The only bit of baby he has left, is tucked away in my heart - it's there that he will forever be my little baby.

Well once again the last few months have flown by. My little Xavier has made use of every single second, growing and learning at such a fast pace - I am finding it hard to keep up!

Oh Xav, you really are my little lightening bolt. You zoom around, getting into absolutely everything. Emptying cupboards, climbing on anything, running from place to place and leaving a trail of destruction. Between you and your big sister, you certainly keep Mummy on her toes!

Your favourite toys at the moment are the sandpit, the outside toys, your matchbox cars and all our phones. Any time there is a phone within your reach, you grab it & run away - all the time pretending to have a real conversation. A guaranteed way to make you go from happy to sad in 2 seconds flat is to take one off you, sometimes naughty Mummy does it just for her own amusement.

Of course it goes without saying your absolute favourite thing to play with is whatever Grace has. You have certainly learnt how to stand up for yourself, no more Mr nice guy hey! It's kinda cute & funny to watch you both hustle and squabble over things, both holding a very firm grip and voicing your disapproval at the other. It usually ends in a squeally, crying mess and Mummy has to step in a referee, only to have you both forget what it was you were fighting about in the first place and move on to something else. Crazy kids!

Food is something that you thoroughly enjoy, you certainly have the family appetite! You try everything that's put before you and there's not many foods that you reject. You've even managed to master the art of using a spoon and fork. Using the spoon is still a little messy, but you manage to get most of it into your mouth. You're a lot better using the fork though, stabbing each bit of food carefully then gobbling it all up. Apart from eating your 3 main meals, you also graze on snacks during the day. If you get hungry you go and belt on the pantry or fridge door, insisting on getting something. I guess you still like the idea of demand feeding hey! You demand, and I get it for you. Anything for you my gorgeous boy. Anything.

Now onto the breastfeeding. You haven't fed before bed for the last 4 nights. I was feeling crappy with my tooth and desperate for some strong pain relief, so I went with the "Don't offer, Don't refuse" plan of attack. You did try to feed on the first night, but fussed and fiddled around, not having a feed at all. The next night I gave you a cup of milk. The first taste was spat out in disgust, but then you tried it again and drunk it all up. Your still enjoying a feed either overnight or early morning, depending on if you've woken or not. I'm not ready to give up our special time just yet, so wean me slowly please.

Your sleeping is great, no problems at all. You go to bed at about 7pm, we just pop you in the cot and off you go to sleep. Sometime you will surprise us and sleep all night, and other times you will wake between 3-5am. If I remember I just give the dummy, but most of the time I am in a sleep-induced coma and I just bring you straight in with us. It really doesn't bother Duane or I. To be honest, it's the only time I get a nice long cuddle - most of the time it's go, go, go. I love the way your body curls into me when we sleep, usually with an arm flung backwards to touch Daddy. Day sleeps are just as good. You generally go back to bed around 8.30am - 10am, then from around 2pm-3pm. I often have to wake you up of an afternoon though, not sure how long you would sleep for if I didn't. I don't want to risk it, no doubt if I didn't we would be up all night!

You have learnt so many new words. Shooshes (shoes), Gram-ma, hat, to-es, 'ore (more), gone, Who's that (asked EVERYTIME that I answer the phone), Quack-quack, duck, Cock-a-doodle doo, 'nana, car, num (dummy) and probably a lot more than I have missed out.

Your a beautiful little boy who absolutely adores his Mummy. You love exploring away from me, but love me to be close enough for a cuddle every now and then. It's lovely watching your confidence grow as you become more assertive and confidant.

I love you sweet boy. xx

Dentist - Take 1

Well after working up the courage and being all brave, I am now back from the Dentist and EVERYTHING IS THE FRIGGING SAME. Wisdom tooth is still nicely impacted, pain is still excruciating and I am so over it.

My stupid mouth refused to go numb, even after 5 needles of anaesthetic, the absolute most that I could be given.

Duane took the afternoon off to take me, fully expecting it to be taken out and then after a few days of recovering it would all be fine. We got there at 11.30, I put my plastic bib on and then the first needle went in. The first one hit a bit of bone and I felt the dentist move it around a little, not too painful - just uncomfortable. Still not numb, so he went again and again. My bottom lip was supposed to be definitely numb by this stage, but NOT AT ALL.

All of a sudden my left eye started twitching. I tried to stop it but it just kept on going. The dentist noticed and asked if my heart was racing, yes it was pounding and beating so fast. He explained that in each needle was adrenaline and that was causing all the side effects. Needle number 4 was jabbed in, still not going numb. At this stage my left cheek started raising really high, and I couldn't bring it down. The dentist was starting to get a little concerned and told me to slow down my breathing to help metabolise the adrenalin. He asked me to close my eyes, breath in through my nose and out through my mouth. Well I tried to close my eyes, but at this stage my right eye would not close.

I was starting to get a little nervous. There I was with my swollen jaw, right cheek permanently raised, left eye twitching away, the right one wide open and my heart beating faster and faster. I started getting sweaty and not sure if I wanted to vomit or pass out. The dentist had a poke around inside my mouth trying to work out if it was going numb or not, but I could feel everything that he was doing.

He said then that he would give me a break, 10 minutes to see how I was reacting to everything. Duane and I stayed in the room and by this stage I didn't know if I was going to pass out or throw up - I ended up doing neither. My cheek & eyes were still going crazy, and then I got the giggles. My face was twitching away and I couldn't stop laughing. The dentist asked me a few time how I was feeling but I couldn't stop giggling.

One last try. The 5th needle went in. Then he tried to touch my wisdom tooth with that stupid pointed hook thing. I could have punched him in the face right then, the pain shot through my body like a hot knife. He realised then that it probably wasn't going to be numbed, so we would try for another day.

The dentist was a bit puzzled as to why it didn't work. He thinks maybe it was the infection that was prohibiting the anaesthetic from doing it's thing? Or maybe it was my body metabolising it too quickly or not being able to handle it. He did say that the anaesthetic that worked on parts of my face wouldn't wear off for another 4 hours or so. Well it didn't, it only took about 1/2 hour to have feeling back again, and for an hour for it to be all back to normal (including being able to feel the intense pain of the infection again too).

So if tomorrow the pain has settled we can try again on Friday, if not it will be Monday. It better bloody stop hurting or I really am going to smash my face with a hammer.

Now that everything has wore off, other pains are starting up. My jaw is sore, no doubt from the numerous needles. My throat is sore, I am guess from the needles and maybe from swallowing some of the anaesthetic. My jaw is even more swollen, but now it's down under the jaw and aching as well.

So yes I am very pissed off at the moment. I can normally look for the positive in things but there is absolutely nothing positive about today. I still have a very painful mouth/jaw with no end in sight to that stopping, actually it's probably worse than before. I'm feeling anxious about the next attempt, worried that the anaesthetic won't work again - and then what?

I've lost my time, money, courage and yet I still am in bloody intense pain.

Oh, and to top of my lovely day I flashed my FIL.

The Il's were over watching the kids whilst I was have a blast of a time at the dentist. They left, we all said our goodbyes and I went into the bedroom to get changed. I stripped down to my bra and undies, went into the bathroom to reapply some much needed deodrant. Just as I was crossing the hall back to my bedroom, I looked up and straight into the eye of my FIL. Seems he had left something behind and came back to pick it up. I raced into the bedroom and collapsed in a heap of embarrassment. He hurried back out the door, probably redder than me. I was wearing a lovely flesh coloured maternity bra, which probably at first glance made me look completely topless.

Great, what a way to top the day! My sypathetic husband couldn't get anything out, what with all the laughing and snorting. Idiot.

Pain, with a generous helping of excruciating

I am in ridiculous amounts of pain.

My stupid un-wise wisdom tooth has decided to make it's way out and join the rest of the other teeth. Unfortunately it's gotten a little lost on the journey and it's coming out side first, which means that the top of the tooth is fighting with my back molar and no-body is winning. All under neath both teeth are infected and very, very swollen.

Check out the golf ball coming out the side of my face:

It felt very swollen but I didn't realise that it was visible to others until I walked into the dentists office and was greeted with, "Oh dear, you look like your in a lot of pain" Then later at the chemist, I was paraded around, no-one could get over how blown out my face was and that the only pain relief I was taking was panadol and 1 panadiene over night.

Sunday it started getting bad but bearable. Sunday night was just horrible and I really thought it was at the peak of my pain threshold. Then came Monday night. Oh.My.Goodness.

Firstly though, this is how Monday panned out. I called the public Oral surgeons office to try to get a rough idea of how long the wait list was. Ms Grumpy receptionist informed me that no surgeries were happening over the next month as the OS was away, then the wait is around 9-10 month. She suggested I just grab some a/b's from the Dr, keep rinsing out my mouth and basically just put up with the pain. She kept yabbering on about flushing a syringe of antiseptic into the flappy part of the gum, BUT as I tried to explain to her there is no entrance to the infection. It is all so deep in the gums. Anyway after getting no sympathy from her I called my darling husband. He suggested that I made an appt with the Dr, get the Ab's then see how I was going.

Now the pain wasn't too bad during the day. Still painful, but I could still function ok. I went along to the Friends of the BC meeting, then headed back to Mothers Group. Then I got a lovely text from Duane to say that he had pulled a few strings and gotten me and appt with a dentist at 3.30pm. Great, there was hope that the pain may be stopped. So at 3.30pm I toddled off full of hope and expectations. The dentist had a quick look and said that it should be easy enough to get out, but he wanted to do an x-ray just to be sure.

Seems my stupid tooth is going to be little trickier that expected. The Dentist explained that he has never done one like this before and he would be worried that it might crack and leave the roots behind. Not sure what the worst case scenario on that would be. He did say that he has "friends" that he could call in and emergency. I do feel confidant that he can get it out, but I wasn't sure how to feel when he mentioned, "You know, I once won an award for taking out wisdom teeth.......ummmm I think it was 19 ummm, 69, yeah 1969"

Oh, good to hear that he is keeping up with the time hey!

Anyway, I have to have a few days of a/b's before any dentistry because of a heart murmur, which I am fairly sure doesn't even exist anymore but dentists are all very nervous about doing anything without them. It'll also help all the swelling go down and hopefully take away a bit of the pain. Then it's all booked in for Wednesday 11.30am. Then apparently I might need a few days rest, Pfft try telling THAT to the kids. I'll see how I'm going, maybe Duane can tear himself away from his job of watching the grass grow to help me out.

SO back to last night. It was horrendous and easily the most amount of pain I have ever been in, and yes that does include childbirth. Good gracious, at least there is excitement and breaks with that pain, this was ALL NIGHT. No break from the excruciating throbbing of my jaw and all the bottom teeth AT ALL. I hate taking codeine as it tends to send me tripping, but all up I took 4 last night. Would you believe that didn't even take the edge off, not one little bit. It was an all consuming throb, my jaw and cheeks are so swollen, hot and stretched. The pain must have been sending signals to my brain all night, and quickly because there was absolutely no relief. I did manage to get 2 hours sleep from 10-12, but the rest of the night I spent pacing the lounge room pleading for the pain to stop and let my tired self sleep. I fiddled around on the computer until 2.30, then nodded of and on for the next 2 hours. The kids decided that it would be fun to wake at 5am, so after Duane left at 5.30am, the kids joined me in the lounge. I set them up with a DVD, then dozed on the couch. I got a little bit of a rest, all the time protecting the side of my face from random objects thrown my way. I really need to teach those kids empathy!

Today it is a little better. I'm still in constant pain, but somehow the noise and busyness around me dulls it a little. It's just the quiet and still of the night that ramps it up a notch. I am not looking forward to tonight though, but the chemist did tell me to try to get stronger pain relief. Nurofen would help it but I can't take it because it thins the blood too much and could cause a bleed when they are extracting. I'll harrass the dentist for something today, I really dont' think that I could get through another night like last night without smashing my face with a hammer.

5am thoughts

It's 5am and I can't sleep.

I've been awake since 4am tossing and turning, willing my mind to shut down so that my weary eyes could close and take me to slumber land.

Not happening.

So I thought I might purge all my thoughts here in the hope that clearing my head will be my answer. Of course once I am ready to head back to bed, the kids will wake! I'd be right if Duane was here, but he is off cleaning until 9am, so no chance of a sleep in. Oh well, I have our weekly Sunday Siesta to look forward to.

So what's running around my head?

Firstly my stupid wisdom tooth has flared up again, not yet unbearably painful, but still offering glimpses of it's potential. I've been taking panadol which does take the edge off it, however I really think that I will need another dose of A/b's to get me through it. I'll call the oral surgeon on Monday and see how far up (or how far down!) the wait list I am for getting them removed once and for all. I'm hoping they will take pity on the fact that I am still breastfeeding my "baby" and unable to take too strong a pain killer. Yes, I am avoiding telling them how old my baby is, they don't need to know that he is 15mths and only feeds maybe once a day!

The other thing that is consuming my thoughts is so, so exciting. I have been asked by my best friend to be with her and her husband through their journey of pregnancy and birth. I am thrilled and honoured that they have asked me. This birth is her 2nd, first was a mediaclly necessary c/s. She desperately wants a VBAC (vaginal birth after C/s), not just because it is mostly best for bub and Mum, but to also heal the hurt and feelings of being let down in her previous birth.

Sure, she came away with a healthy baby, and ultimately that's what it comes down to, but treating Mum's with respect and emotional support after a major operation should just be what happens and your absolute right.

Can you believe that after a C/s her baby was whisked past her and not returned for over an hour and a half? She was just told that it was too cold in the theatre for babies (umm...derrr what about warm blankets??), then her husband was sent out into the hallway with a brand new baby with absolutely no support or idea what was happening. Meanwhile Mum was in the theatre for 1/2 hour getting stitched up, no doubt hormones going through the roof AND no baby. THEN another 45 minuted in recovery ALONE, and to find out later that was because the hospital doesn't want to put on extra staff which would allow Mum and Baby precious first moments together in recovery. That is so, so wrong.

It would be Ok (well not ok, but forgivable) if there was a medical problem, but this was for an elective (aarhhhh, I hate that term used for C/s's when there is no other choice) C/s. Maybe for an emergency they might not be able to put their crap together, but surely for an elective where they have ample of warning, things could have been done more respectfully.

It's just so obstetric led, with no respect or emotional support at all giving to the birthing women. The OB walks away with the memory of a happy family as they first meet, and no doubt patting himself on the back for a job well done, with total disregard for all the other factors. It's the woman that carries the burden of the experience for the rest of her life. It's her that plays it over and over again, feeling the powerlessness every time and that loss of control. The only person that had control was the OB (KNob), and mostly just for his own convenience, to make his job easier.

Birth does matter.

On the upside we have found a hospital that is Baby/Mother friendly and their policies are so much better. IF a C/s was to happen and everyone is well, bubs goes straight to Mum. I think then it's a quick check and wipe over from the Pead and then back to Mum. Mum gets stitched up, all with Bub on her chest or being held by Dad. The it's ALL 3 into recovery together, bubs and Mum are skin-to-skin and if bub is interested, they can have their first breasfeed.

No separation, no anxious Dad pacing the floor with bub, no confused baby looking for a nipple, no Mum spending the most surreal time of her life all alone. How it should be.

Phew, glad to get that out. I am so pissed of that women are treated like crap at what should be one of the most beautiful moments of their life. It's irrelevant which way the baby comes out, both ways should be handled respectively. When at a time that you are being your most powerful, you are powerless.

So now she is on the journey to Vbac. I am confidant that she can do it, as long as she is given the right support and guidance. First step is getting into one of the Vbac supportive Ob's.

We went and did a tour of the maternity ward yesterday and chatted to a few of the midwives. As long as everything is going well in the pregnancy, they are very supportive of vbac's. They talked about the monitoring, explaining that it is both wireless and water proof which means that it can be worn into the shower and also means water birth in an option. Totally different attitude compared to when she asked them at the other hospital. Wrong stat's where thrown at her, eyebrows were raised and no other options were given.

Virtually their way or the highway, thank you very much.

I can't wait to see the elation on both their faces when they get to meet their new baby, and have my own little piece of "birthing" high. I keep picturing her given birth in water, she's a Pieces like me so I am sure that she will find comfort there.

Wow, the kids still have not risen. They are both in my bed, Xav came in at about 2am and Grace came at about 4am.

Here they are both enjoying a lazy Sunday morning in the parental (who am I kidding! I meant family) bed.

So tired

I am so exhausted.

It could have something to do with the head cold I am just getting over. I haven't felt too sick, but so heady and just ridiculously exhausted. My sinus's are all clogged up, my head is all fuzzy and my eyes are hurting from the strain of keeping them open.

It could have something to do with the 2 hours I was up with Xav last night. Poor little fella woke absolutely screaming at midnight. Duane and I both ran into check on him, but by the time we got there he was quiet and laying still. I started creeping back out of the room thinking that he was just having a random squawk, until I realised that he hadn't gone back to sleep he was holding his breathe.

Duane & I both jostled to grab him out of the cot and get him to take a breath, he finally did but kept on screaming, all the time his eyes were rolling around and his whole body was jerking. I held him close and tried to calm him down, whilst Duane frantically checked him all over thinking that he may have been bitten by something. We couldn't find any marks, but both his ears were red and very hot. Not sure if they were hurting him or if they were hot because he had been crying and/or laying on them. Duane also thinks that he had gotten one of his legs stuck in the side of the cot. Not really sure what happened, but he was upset and crying for a good 2 hours. He just wouldn't settle, not even in bed with us. He would start to drift off and then wake and started crying or sobbing and alternating between cuddles with Duane and me. I gave him a dose of panadol and encouraged him to have a feed, he eventually settled into a deep sleep and didn't wake until 6.30am.

Xav's also had a bit of a head cold, and I think it's knocked him around too. He has been having 2 huge sleeps during the day, usually 2 hours each - then still going to bed at 7pm. Strange. He seems ok today though, maybe a little off balance and out of sorts, but not too bad. I wouldn't be surprised if his ears are playing up though, it seems whenever he gets a bit snotty the mucous builds up and whammo, an infection.

Anyway, I'm guess it's just the cold that's made me so tired over the last week or so. I've gone back onto my iron tablets and diligently taking my multi vitamin in the hope that it will spark me up a little. I'd love to be able to nod off in the day but I find it really hard to do. I could quite easily curl up and snooze when both of the kids are, it's just I am reluctant to give up my child-free daylight hours. Instead I am going to bed earlier and catching up that way.

I really need to perk up now though. I'm heading out to dinner and a movie tonight and I'm sure everyone would appreciate it if I didn't nod off at the table. I'm sure I could catch 40 winks in the dark of the cinema though!!

And NO I am definately not pregnant.

Our Chickadees

Well after a few weeks of hammering, drilling, gluing, swearing and cursing the chook house is now complete. I am extremely happy with how it has turned out, and mighty proud of myself for doing most of it! It was actually quite therapeutic taking all my frustrations out on the nails as I bashed them in. It's 3 mtr long, 1 mtr high and 1 mtr wide. Big enough for the kids to go into and have a play with the chooks, and also roomy enough that the chooks could stay in there most of the time and be happy.

I had one end of the wood propped up on the saw horse and the other on the outdoor table! With a lot of moving and maneuvering I finally got it to this stage by myself. Wendy helped me by amusing the kids and holding the wood in place if it got a little tricky.

It was hilarious and no doubt a very unconventional way of building a chook house, but it all turned out AND it seems sturdy. I started off drilling, but the drill was a bit too powerful for me and kept kicking back and throwing itself around, so I packed away all the drill bits and screws and decided to try nails instead.

Using the nails was alot easier, except the stupid wood had so many knots in it, which made it difficult to belt the nails into some places. So each time I couldn't get a nail all the way in, I just bashed it onto it's side. Didn't look that great, but I have embraced it as the "features" of my chook house.
The kids each had a go hitting the nails in and loving every minute of it. When it was just a frame I threw a sheet over the top and made a cubby out of it for them to play in.

Duane helped me with getting the hinges on and hanging the doors, you know the easy stuff!!

~~The kids laying down the straw~~

And here it is all finished:

Next step was getting some lovely little girls to go in it. I called around yesterday to see which of the hatcheries had point of lays available. I was told to get Lowman Browns as they are good egg producers and great for the kids. Unfortunately they wouldn't be available for another week or so, and me being the impatient person that I am didn't want to have an empty chook house for that long. So I found a place that had black Australorps available and they would be ready to lay within the next month. Sounded perfect to me, so once Duane got home from golf we headed out to pick 2 up. The lady selling them had them all ready for us. however on the car ride over Duane and I had discussed (ok, maybe it was just me!) getting some younger hens, so that they would get used to the kids and hopefully be better pets. I mentioned this to the lady and she told us that she had some 6 weekers that would be fine to go straight outside, but they wouldn't be ready to lay for another 5 months or so.

We wandered around and had a look at them. So, so cute! I had made up my mind by then that I would like a hen that would lay soon and also one of the cute and cuddly babies. I then mentioned to her that I always have wanted a silkie hen, well 'lo and behold she had a gorgeous little black one right there to sell too. Duane was getting a little nervous at this stage, after reluctantly agreeing to chickens in the first place and now being faced with me requesting 3. The chook lady chatted a bit and convinced him that 3 was a good number, they are easy to care for and much better to put them all together at the start. So it was decided, we were taking 3 chickens.

Here are our 3 newest little babies:
I did ask Grace what she would like to call them, she first suggested "Allah", I really didn't think that was appropriate though. She then suggested "Ballerina" for the black one and "Silky Oak" for the little Silkie. We had already decided to call one "Henny Penney", so that name is going to the baby. Duane being oh so funny suggested Red Rooster and KFC. I don't think so.

So at this stage the baby has a name and the others are nameless until we all decide on something that doesn't use 11 special herbs and spices or is a religious leader.

And here is how they all slept last night. I know it's hard to make out but the silkie is on top of the food container and the baby is on top of her. The black one has it's bum sticking out of the nesting box. Later on though they changed over and the baby went into the nesting box with the black one and the silkie hoped on the roost.

They are all eating and behaving nicely. The black one has taken to mothering Henny, not letting the silkie go anywhere near her and keeping her close. Silkie is a bit skittish and randomly just runs up and down the cage, crazy thing. The chook lady did say that if the Silkie gets broody to go back and get some fertilised eggs for her to sit on, then when they hatch to take them back. I know Grace would love to see baby chicken hatch, so I'll definatley keep that in mind.

So far I'm loving the chooks. We have spent the afternoon and morning just watching them and their funny little antics. Grace and Xav have gone in their house a few times and sat down with them, its great cause the kids aren't scared of the chooks and the chooks so far seem ok with the kids. Grace loves picking up Henny and giving her a cuddle. Xav pats them all, and is trying to get the courage to pick them up - except he giggles too much to do it!

First haircuts

Both kids had their first proper haircuts today.

When I say proper I mean 'not a bit hacked off the back by a Mum who thinks that she can cut hair'. As much as I try to 'layer' and 'feather' around the ears, I really shouldn't even try.

Anyway, as Xav is a boy I really needed to get his hair out of his eyes. For some reason wispy fringes just don't look so cute on a boy. He had 2 gorgeous, adorable little curls on the back which I was hoping to keep, however his Daddy had other plans. As soon as Xav was seated and the cape was on, Duane instructed Katrina (our hairdresser) to "Give him a short back and sides, and ditch the girly curls on the back". I desperately wanted to not have them cut off, but even I had to admit that a mullet on a little boy is so not cute. SO needless to say they were snipped away, all that was remaining were his golden locks clutched in the palm of my hand.

It seemed in the snip of the scissors my little baby grew up and into a little boy.

He was very well behaved through the whole ordeal though. Sitting still most of the time, only risking the loss of an ear a few times. All in all though he did very well for his first ever hair cut.

Then it was Miss Grace's turn. I just knew that she would be fine, why wouldn't it be? It meant that ALL the attention would be just how she likes it, all on her!

She was fantastic. Sitting up on the chair all alone, tilting her head to the side like a seasoned professional. She was loving all the pampering and all the talk of how gorgeous she is. I only wanted a little bit off her hair, mainly just a tidy up. Her hair looks so lush and healthy now, all the wispy bits are gone.

My hair desperately needs a spruce up too, so wanna know what my dear husband has done? As we were leaving he asked how much for foils and a cut for me, then made an appointment for Friday and paid for it all. So Friday I get to go get my hair done ALONE. My hair is a horrible brown colour at the moment so it will be fantastic to get some blonde back in there. I have always had naturally blonde hair, but over the last few years it has darkened up way too much for my liking.

So on Friday I am going blonde again, and hopefully give myself a bit of a revamp. Can't wait!

My little girl is growing up

I've been meaning to write a few things about Grace for a while now, we have had a few major milestones happen over the last few months.

Firstly I finally got my bum into gear and got her a big girls bed. The poor thing had been sleeping all cramped into the toddler bed, we were starting to hear a thud every time she stretched, so thought it might be time to up-size. I have spent ages searching, trying to find the perfect bed for her. I wanted it to be white, good quality and to have drawers underneath. I finally found exactly what we were looking for at a bed shop near Ikea.

It's great because there is storage also at the back of the drawers, so I have crammed all her old clothes in there (because I can't bear to get rid of any!). The drawers have all her winter clothes in them, which has freed up some space in her wardrobe. It is a king single, so it is HUGE. Enough room for us all to have a snuggle on.

I have a few new things to put on her walls, just need to find the time and motivation to do it and have it looking like a pretty little girls room.

Grace has been sleeping peacefully in her bed for the last month, I've even been known to have an afternoon siesta on it - Grace still insists on sleeping in our bed for her day sleep.

Oh and because she is such a big girl now, there are no more night nappies. Yippee!!!! My little girl has been out of day nappies for over a year and out of night nappies for over a month. The first night I was a little nervous, fully expecting a midnight bed change. I woke her up just before I went to bed and took her to the toilet, whispering in her ear to do a wee. She was still in a groggy haze, but did wee and then stayed dry all night. In the last month she has only had 2 accidents, and even those 2 were not completely in the bed. She must have done it as she was getting out of bed, but didn't make it in time. Some nights she doesn't go at all, and others she comes into our bed early morning asking to go to the toilet.

I am just so proud of my grown up little girl. Even though she has been day trained for so long, it's still so exciting to know that she is now fully trained and so independent.

Now onto other "not so good" Grace news.

She is absolutely driving me batty at the moment. I know (well I think!?) that she is being totally normal for a (nearly) 3 year old, but jees who would have thought that she could drive me so insane. It's the constant whingeing and whining that really gets to me, it grates on me and I can normally just ignore it, but when it is over and over and over again, I can't.

This has all started in the last 2 or so weeks and I have been racking my brains on how to get through this ratty stage. On recommendation I borrowed the 1-2-3 magic book from the library, hoping and praying that there would be some secret code in there on how to deal with annoying toddlers. I read it over and over, back to front - then started putting it in to practice.

This last week Grace has been in her room thinking ALOT. I'm trying to be consistant and following through with anything that I say. I tell her once what she has to stop doing, if she does it again I say "That's 1", she goes again, "That's 2", then if she dares again it's "That's 3 and straight to timeout. I had been using the hall as timeout, but now we use her bedroom. More as a place for her to calm down and be away from the fun.

It seems to be working but I really need to educate Duane about it more. She knows that she can get away with so much more from him. If it wasn't so hindering to me it would be funny. I overhear Duane saying to Grace, "That's 1, That's 2, I said 2 Grace, That's 2.5, Nearly 3 Grace, You know what happens if I get to 3, Don't Grace, I'm going to say 3 Grace"

I find myself stepping in and correcting him all the time. I've explained it all to him and he sees how I work with her, so not sure why he just wont follow through. It can be a pain in the bum actually having to stop what you are doing and put her in her bedroom, but I am hoping that the amount of times that we have to do that will decrease. Oh god, I am hoping!

She is just pushing so many boundaries and I feel so much more in control if I have a plan of attack. We'll see how it goes I guess. Apparently 4 year old are beautifully behaved though, so if it all falls apart I guess I only have another year of this lovely behaviour. It's not even like she is naughty all of the time, it's just the constant chatter, questions and running commentary of everything that she does. She constantly want to be the centre of attention and turns it up a notch if she isn't. She is constantly demanding that I watch what she is doing, or to look at the same things repeatedly.

Reading back over this makes me sound like an unattentive mum, but I do spend time with her. Unfortunately I also have another child to attend to and meals to make and housework to do. I can't be her captive audience ALL DAY LONG. I am yet to find something that amuses her for ages. She flitters between activities, unless we are outside and then she amuses herself most of the time. So we do try to spend as much time outside as possible, but most of the time she wants me out there with her - just to watch.

Oh damn I forgot, by the time that she is 4 Xav will be 21/2 which was another horrible phase. But then again, my beautiful boy has already perfected the art of the full blown tantrum so surely he will have that all out of his system by then and be a perfect little angel.

She is so beautiful and loving most of the time, it's just at the moment the constantness of her is wearing me down. She is a very "spirited" child, and I dare say that Xav will be the same. I don't want her to change her passion and excitement, I just want to maybe guide all that energy into something else. I'm thinking about enrolling her in dance classes, hopefully to help her out with concentration and taking instructions. Or not.

I say all this and yet when she goes to kindy of a Friday I miss her like crazy. I've even considered taking her out because I do love spending time with her. I'm nuts aren't I?

I know fully understand why every time we asked Mum what she wanted as a present she would just say, "Peace and quiet please." I'm sure we never gave it to her though, poor Mum.