Hearts, hearing and The pox.

We've had a few medical appointments lately, so I thought I'd just do 1 big update here.

First was the results from Xav's echocardiogram. All looks good, except he does have some regurgitation on all his heart valves - which basically means some blood flows the wrong way. Everything else looked perfect, so it's just something we have to be aware of. It's not affecting him in any way now, so we only need to follow it up if it does.

Next was Grace's hearing test. Now, this one I was worried about. After last time and being told not to expect much change this time - we were all very surprised at the results. She did perfectly, and her hearing is fantastic in both ears - so not a thing to worry about. They think last tests dismal result must have been a combination of her not concentrating and maybe the beginning or end of an ear infection/cold. Whatever, I don't care. My sweet little girl has crystal clear hearing and I'm so thankful. Although it does mean for the last 2 months I have been letting her "preschooler ignorance" slide as a hearing loss. Making excuses all the time, thinking she couldn't hear us - when she could hear us FINE!!

Now the last medical "issew" we've had lately has only just popped up. Thursday night Duane noticed a few random spots on Grace, but didn't mention it to me. Friday morning I noticed them as she was undressing, just a few on her belly and back. Over the next few hours, more started appearing. It took me a while to click what they were, but after consulting Dr Google it was evident that my little girl had Chickenpox. So even though she's had the immunisation for it, she's still got it. I spoke to her pre-school to let them know and they were in the process of notifying all parents as 4 children had already reported that day that had it too. Would you believe that the 4 confirmed cases are all in children that have had the vaccination? Xav hasn't had the vaccination, so I'm hoping (and encouraging!) that he gets it from Grace. At least that way he'll have proper immunity. I'll be surprised and shocked if he doesn't get it, especially since I'm actually encouraging saliva swapping via cutlery, food, kissing etc.

It certainly all makes sense now. Grace has been not herself for the last week or so. Last Tuesday and Wednesday she had a headache and was really tired. The following Tuesday she had a sore head again and was just looking pale and lethargic. I was sure something was wrong with her, but she was perking up in between which made me doubt that she was really sick. Which is something I should never do, but she it's sometimes a fine line between sickness and drama. Anyway, she's feeling ok now. I'm not sure when the spots get itchy, but so far hers haven't been - so lets hope they stay that way. She still quite tired and doesn't have much energy, but apart from that she's eating, playing and drinking fine.

Xav's in voluntary quarantine as chickenpox has a 2 week incubation period, so I'm hoping to avoid spreading it any further than I'm sure we already have. I'm just so grateful that I have Wendy helping out with the kids and I don't have to rely on childcare. She's fantastic with them, and is quite happy to sit on the couch cuddling either of them if they are feeling ill. I'm very lucky and fortunate to have such a wonderful mother in law, that is so willing to help us out and adores spending time with the kids.

In other kinda medical news. I'm on call for a birth, but I'm not holding out too much hope of it happening - but I'm still not giving up. She's booked in for a C/s on Tuesday at 39 weeks, and although we'd both love her to go into labour soon, it's not looking like she's going to avoid the looming incision date. I'm still a chance for being in the theatre for the C/s, which I'm very excited about! I'm also going to be spending a night or 2 in hospital with her, just to help out and hopefully support her through those first tricky breastfeeding days and nights. She had a horrible experience last time, and really needs lots of support and encouragement to make this whole birth and breastfeeding experience empowering and positive. She's worked really hard to get where she is now, so I'm sure it will all work out wonderful.

Right-o, I'm off to enjoy season 2 of Private Practice on Dvd. I've rediscovered the joy of ordering what I want from the local library so have a stream of books and Dvd's steadily becoming available. I like this series (well apart from the birth scenes, then I want to throw things) and I'm enjoying sitting down once a week to watch a few episodes back to back.

The birth of Jasper James

**This is my account of Jasper's birth, and I've tried to remember it with as much detail and accuracy as possible.

I was privileged to have been asked to be a birth support person for Trude and Murray as they welcomed their little boy into the world. To say I was overjoyed to hear they were to be parents and also that I was going to witness that, would be an understatement! I was thrilled for them both, but couldn't even begin to describe to them the amazing experience they were both going to have - starting with pregnancy, birth and then being a parent and feeling the most intense love there is.

Trude had given a few hints out that she might be trying soon, but I was still so surprised when she let me know that she was "with child"! We were going for our usual walk up to the outlook, and about halfway up Armstong way she let it slip that she was actually pregnant! I can't remember my exact reaction, but it did involve jumping, excitement, hugs and lots of congratulations. It wasn't until after my little outburst we noticed one of Trude's work mates walking dangerously close to earshot. As Trude was going to be waiting to announce the fabulous news to work, we were hoping that my screaming and yelling didn't give the secret away.

It took a while for Trude to get the noticeable baby bump. Once it was there, her belly popped though, she looked glorious - a very beautiful pregnant Mumma! She had a few troubles through the pregnancy, mainly with her wrists which got quite inflamed with a condition called Dequerveins Tenosynovitis. She was in a lot of pain and although she tried lots of different treatments, the pain insisted. Trude was worried that it would make it hard with a newborn and not being able to grasp or hold anything, but fortunately it eased up after the birth. She looked wonderful though, and glowed right the way through.

~~Trude at 19 weeks~~

I'd been not so subtle in my praise of the Birth Centre and after lots of nagging on my part, Trude went ahead and booked in. My Midwife at the BC had actually met Trude before, both at one of my antenatal appointments and also at Xav's birth which Trude photographed. I did put a good word into my Midwife Tracey, who found Trude's application and keenly put her on her list of women that she'd be caring for. This was a big thing for Trude, to be preparing for a natural birth, she'd previously toyed with the idea of an elective cesarean. I was hoping that by having her at my birth, she'd see that it could be amazing and intense - but doable.

It was about half way through her pregnancy that I was asked to be at her birth as support person. To say I was honoured and thrilled was an understatement! For someone to ask me to be there as they share that magical journey to parenthood is a sentiment that I'll always hold dear. I'd just been to the birth of Miss Lucie, and I was eager to do it all again with a new little soul entering the world

Trude was due on the 26th July, but all through the pregnancy she was convinced that she'd go over. She was also hoping to avoid the plethora of birthdays at the end of July and early August and had secretly hoped for a birthday of 07/08/09 - 12 days over. I really didn't think she'd make it to this day, but it seemed baby Jasper had other plans.....

The 07/08/2009 came and went with no signs of a baby coming. On the 8th August Trude had a few niggles, accompanied with some old brown blood. Trude wrote the pains off to constipation, but I was sure that something was going to happen. I spent the night tossing and turning, with my mobile right under my pillow expecting the call.

The 9th August was Noah's baptism, and Trude had thought all along that she'd be heading off to the church proudly showing off her newborn baby. Instead she just went along tired and starting to get frustrated that things hadn't started yet, but still doing remarkably well for a heavily pregnant woman. We went to Fasta Pasta for lunch, where Trude mentioned that she was getting a few niggles, but once again nothing eventuated from them. After lunch, we headed to the hospital where Trude was going to have her first stretch and sweep done. After the internal Tracey told us that she was 1cm dilated, however her cervix was still 1cm thick but had started to ripen. After the S & S, she had monitoring for half hour, which just showed that baby Jasper was happy and comfy on the inside.

That night she once again started having contractions, but this time they were consistently 5 minutes apart. They came regularly over 45 minutes, but then fizzled into nothing. Once again, I spent the night expecting a phone call and was shocked to wake up in the morning in my own bed.

On the 10th August (40+15) Trude, Murray and I headed into the hospital for an ultrasound (Biophysical scan) to check out a few things. Dr Justin Nasser, who is the Ob who oversees the BC, was the one doing the scan. The scan showed that everything on the inside was still functioning perfectly. There was still lots of amniotic fluid, baby Jasper was beginning to start his practice breathing and the cord and placenta was functioning brilliantly. The only thing out of the ordinary was a light spot on the bowel, which may indicate that Jasper had pooed inside. Trude's placenta was also showing gritty spots, which is quite normal for the gestation and it just means slight calcification of the placenta. Justin estimated the weight at 8lb 2oz (3.8kg) with a 32cm head. The Ob wasn't worried about anything that he had saw and was happy for Trude to wait until Wednesday (40+17) for induction. After the scan we headed up to the delivery suites for routine monitoring. There was a student Midwife who after palpating declared that bubs was fully engaged, however as we'd seen his little head in the scan we knew this wasn't right. Another midwife double checked and sure enough he was still quite high. The Midwife also performed another stretch and sweep in the hope to get things happening.

Once again it was a boring night, with no signs of a baby. Trude and I spent the evening on msn,

chatting about everything and both hoping that "tonight's the night". Nothing eventful happened though, and Trude was starting to get a bit teary and upset that she hadn't gone into labour yet. She knew by 14 days over she wouldn't be in the birth centre rooms, so the chance of a waterbirth was now out the window. Now she was just praying and hoping that labour started before she had to be induced.

Tuesday the 11th August (40+16) rolled around, and still no positive signs of labour. We headed into the hospital for Trude's daily monitoring and another attempt at getting things rolling with a stretch and sweep. 12.30pm we had the appointment and once again Trude was 1cm dilated with not much change from the previous day. Monitoring once again showed a happy baby who was enjoying the womb a bit too much! We all were hoping for an 11th hour start to labour, thinking that maybe the threat of induction would be enough to nudge things into gear. But, once again it was a quiet night on the birthing front and so it was off to the hospital bright and early for the beginning of induction.

Trude and Murray picked me up at 6.30am on the 12th August. There was an air of excitement as we headed into the hospital, knowing that the next time Trude would be in the car it would be with a brand new baby! Trude was calm and collected on the outside, but I don't doubt that she was a bundle of nerves on the inside. It as a day that we all didn't think would happen, she was 17 days over due! It was only a few months prior that Nicole had gone to 13 days over and we weren't expecting Trude to beat that. We got to the hospital and Trude was put on the bed and had her first lot of prostiglandin gel inserted. The gel is used to soften the cervix and hopefully kick start her into labour. After monitoring (Jasper all happy!) we went for a walk down to the grassed area below the hospital. We spent some time doing crosswords and discussing the merits of correct punctuation and grammar. Trude gave us a lesson on the correct context to use "-", ":" and ';". It was conversation for the sake of it, all of us with our minds on the job ahead and the excitement of a new little one joining us (hopefully) soon. There was a woman who came into the area and lit a smoke, but after 3 lots of glaring faces concentrating on her, she rightly moved on. Trude was pacing around and starting to feel some low period pain that was coming and going. Nothing too painful, but a good sign that the gel was doing something to her cervix.

1.30pm, and the next lot of prostiglandin was put in. After the obligatory monitoring, we headed to do some laps of the stair well. Trude powered along in front, whilst Murray and I struggled bringing up the rear. After a few goes, our legs were all jelly so we retreated back to Trude's room/bed and pigged out on chocolate slice. For the last week of so, Trude had been having a baking frenzy and was making chocolate slice daily. Every day she made one, thinking that it would be something nice to offer visitors when they came to visit the baby and her - but when the days came and went, with no baby - so did the chocolate slice. So we spent the afternoon in her room, eating the celebratory slice and doing crossword puzzles together. Trude was still getting period pain, but she said they were not painful. Yet. We joked that maybe she was a freak who didn't experience any pain with birth, hoping that she was silently dilating.

8.30pm rolled around and it was time for more gel and monitoring. Her cervix was softening and shortening, but hadn't dilated past 1 cm. After the monitoring we headed back up to her room, and as it looked like nothing much had started happened, Murray and I were sent home under the proviso that if ANYTHING happened, we were to be called immediately. It was a teary farewell, Trude was overcome with emotion and started to get upset that we had to go. It had been a overwhelming few weeks, and to get to this point and then it felt like we were abandoning her - it was awful. She was upset and crying, and apart from feeling sorry for her, I actually thought this might be a good sign. She'd held it together for so long, but now everything was coming out and I was hoping that this release of emotion was a sign that things were imminent.

Murray and I left at about 11pm, and on the car ride home I joked that we'd probably just get home to bed and get the call. After being awake since 6am in the morning, we were both exhausted and nearly falling asleep on the way home. Well, just as we were driving up Alexander Drive, I received a text from Trude to say that her waters had broken. We stopped at my house, and Murray called her to find out what was happening. She said that she'd just got into her clean Pj's, when she felt a pop and water trickle down her leg. Considering we were all ready to pass out from exhaustion only minutes ago, adrenaline kicked in and we were wide awake and ready to go!

Wendy was at my house, she'd come up to stay the night so she could be with the kids when Duane went to work in the morning. Murray and I had a drink and something to eat, and then headed back to the hospital. When we got there the cranky night staff on the post-natal ward, wouldn't let us in. We had a quick chat to Trude and she was doing well, starting to get some more painful feelings. Murray stayed with her and I went into the tea room and had a lay on the couch. It was only for 10 minutes or so, when Murray came out and said she getting more contractions. I asked the night midwife if we could get her down to the delivery suite, but she said that they were full and Trude would have to stay up here until a room became available. I found a fit ball for her and she sat beside the bed on it for a bit, but found the pressure really uncomfortable. Trude paced around in the hall for a bit, but was starting to get really agitated and upset.

The cranky midwife suggested she have a shower, so we set up the shower and she spent some time in there. I called Trace to let her know what was happened, and she said to let her know when things were progressing and she'd come in. Trude was in the shower for an hour or so, but then started to get really hot and clammy and just wanted to get down to the delivery suites. Murray helped her get dressed and when they came out (about 1.25am), I told them both to head down to delivery and I'd decoy the cranky midwife. I loitered up there for a bit, and she came out to ask where Trude was. I just played dumb, saying that I thought she was still in the shower. After a few minutes I left and headed downstairs too. Meanwhile, Trude had taken it upon herself to just head into the delivery suites and find an empty room. We found out later that there was actually someone outside waiting to come in, and Trude had taken her room. Worked out good for us though, as we go the BC overflow room which is set out much nicer and also has a double bed, fridge and microwave.

Trude immediately went to the bed and got on her hands and knees. I'd bought along some heat packs, so I started getting them ready in the microwave. Own of the midwives came in and we told her to call Trace, which she wasn't too impressed with - so I did. She also scolded us for using the microwaveable heat packs insisting that we had to use these horrid clay packs only. Apparently, it was a health and safety issue. We nodded, but continued to heat up the ones we had.

This is the part of the labour that I love the most. The lights were dimmed and just the noise of a labouring women. Trude was doing wonderfully, breathing through the contractions and just resting between. She stayed all the time on the bed, on all fours and resting her head on the bed head. She had a bit of a show at this time, which was promising and showed that her cervix was opening and doing it's job.

Trace joined us at about (FIND OUT TIME!), and it was so lovely to have her calm and serene presence. Trude was still doing fantastically, to me as an onlooker, she was handling everything so well and just going with it.

At about 2.45pm, she asked for the gas. Her contractions were coming sporadically: all of them either 4mins, 3mins or 2 mins apart - but lasting for 45-60secs. She was still doing fantastic, but was wanting something to take the edge off as she was starting to stumble through each one. She started the gas, and after a quick lesson from Trace on how to use it effectively, she was in heaven! Trude loved the gas, it seems to give her something to concentrate on and allowed her to really focus on her breathing and making it through each contraction.

Murray was supporting her wonderfully, although sometimes his suggestion that it would over in 5 minutes or so, maybe wasn't appropriate. Apart from that, he was rubbing her back, holding back her hair and offering encouraging words. I was on heat pack duty and was holding one on Trude back and also on the base of her belly, as she was getting lots of pain there. I also massaged her back and was keeping her hydrated with sips of water and ice chips to suck on.

In between contractions, she mentioned that she was getting lots of pressure in her vagina. She was doing beautifully with the contractions, but the feeling of pressure was really frustrating her. At 3.20am, I suggested that she tried the shower as she was starting to find it hard to get comfortable on the bed. She tried on the fit ball in the shower, but the pressure in her vagina made it too uncomfortable, so Trace got some mats to put down. Trude tried these, but hated it. She kept saying that she was scared of slipping, and at one stage did.

She stayed in the shower, on her hands and knees, for a bit longer. Trace came out and mentioned to me that she hadn't weed for over 3 hours, and she was going to try to get her to either do it in the shower or go to the toilet. Trude had some more show in the shower.

The bathroom was quite small, so I stayed out in the room, whilst she was in the shower. She kept saying that the pressure was still there, which made me a little excited that maybe things were progressing faster than we though. She was focusing well, but having moments of doubt and by this stage Trude was starting to get frustrated and exhausted. As I sat in the room, I wrote a few things she was yelling for her the read later:

"I want my baby out NOW"

"I can't do this......"

"I just don't like it"

"He's heads not coming out"

"He could be hours, and I don't have hours"

"I'm exhausted"

I can't remember what time she came out of the shower, but she wasn't in there for long. She didn't find it relieving at all, and much preferred being on her hands and knees on the bed - which is what she went back to.

At 4am she asked for an epidural. She was getting quite dehydrated, even though she'd been keeping the fluid and ice chips up. We started her on the Gatorade and insisted she had something to drink in between every contraction. Trace also mentioned that Bubs was starting to get tired, probably from Trude starting to dehydrate. We questioned her lots of times as to whether she really did want the epidural, and she insisted that yes she did, saying "They all said to go the epidural and now I believe them" Trace said that she'd get it organised, but asked if she could do an internal first just to see how far along she was.

I watched and waited, wishing on everything that Trude would be close to fully dilated and be closer to meeting her baby. Trace told me beforehand that she didn't expect her to be very far along, based on the contractions - although nice and strong, they were still quite sporadic. She said she was guessing maybe 3, but she'd be really happy with 4. Imagine her surprise when she was 5 cms - Wahoo!! Awesome news and Trude was doing so fantastic. Trace said she did feel a huge bag of waters at the front, so what had broken earlier must have been the hind waters. She thought this might have been the cause of all the pressure that Trude was feeling, so grabbed an amnio hook and broke the waters. There was old meconium in the water, which she wasn't worried about but said she'd have to organise a resus trolley for birth just in case.

Trace went out and organised for the anesthetist to come for the epidural, but unfortunately there was going to be a wait. A nurse came in and put a cannula in Trude's arm, ready for the epidural. Trace set her up with 1 bag of Iv fluids, as she was still showing signs of dehydration. Trude really relaxed knowing that the epidural was on it's way. She never complained or asked for it to be hurried, just taking each contraction one at a time and coping wonderfully.

At 5.30am, and still with no epidural, Trude screamed out "I need to push" Now, this got me so excited as I really thought that she was going to be sitting up proud with her new baby, just as the anesthetist arrived in for the epi. Once again, I was hoping that needing to push was a good sign, and not just because bubs was in a posterior position - somewhere he had been for a few weeks now and can cause premature pushing. She joked with me, saying "Anytime you want to swap Kiks, feel free" I would have too, watching her in labour was making me crave it for myself.
At 6.20am, Trace did another internal. Trude was 6-7cm's, which was wonderful progress! Bubs head was right down, but Trace had trouble trying to work out what position he was in. She told us that she could feel lots of hair, which was very exciting as it meant he was so close.

Trude was becoming exhausted and pleading for a rest. She was napping between contractions, but all those days and nights of no rest were starting to catch up. She was buggered and wanted just an hours rest to gain some energy and then go again. The aneathetist (Stuart) finally arrived at 6.30 and the epidural was put in. Trude sat on the side of the bed, trying to remain as still as possible. Murray wasn't very keen on watching, so he sat down and waited, whilst I sat in front holding on to Trude and keeping her steady. Stuart was fantastic though and got it in perfectly the first time. Just after it went in Trude started getting a bit shaky, and there was a slight drop in her blood pressure - but still within normal limits. Bub's was being monitored all the time, and he was cruising along perfectly the whole time - happy little boy!

This is where things got a little weird/strange. The lights were back on and the wonderful mood and labour atmosphere from before was broken. It felt like everything was over, but not. Trude was out of "labour land" and back to reality - but without a baby! It felt very strange to be sitting around and not having anything to do, as Trude was now hooked up to all sorts of machines. The syntocin drip was started at 12 units and then further upped to 24 units, to get the contractions more powerful as the epidural tends to slow down natural contractions. She was also on a blood pressure machine and continuous monitoring for bubs.

We spent the next 3 hours chatting, dozing and doing crosswords. Trude also took the opportunity to ask Murray to go up to her room on the postnatal ward to get her make-up bag. Yep, there she was in labour looking immaculate after doing her full face in the middle of painless contractions!

As Trude now had the epidural and syntocin, she had to have regular 4 hourly internals. At 10 am Trace did another one and said that she was 9cm with a ring of cervix left, but bubs was not in a great position. She was hoping that by noon she'd be fully dilated and ready to start pushing.
Trace was buggered, she herself was 7 months pregnant and needed to go home for a sleep and break. She scoured the delivery suites for another like minded midwife and came back with a lovely woman called Cassie. She was lovely and really sweet, a perfect addition to the team.

Trude was still doing really well. She still had movement in her toes, legs and right knee. Cassie thought it might be a good idea to try a few things to get bubs into a better position, as the Ob's were starting to circle. She knew of a technique which involved tilting the pelvis to hopefully get bubs from posterior to anterior, and therefore easier to birth. Cassie got Trude's bum propped up on a pillow and held her belly from behind and tried to lift it up and back down. She was very gentle doing this, and kept a constant check on bubs heartbeat to make sure that he was doing fine. He never missed a beat, behaving perfectly!

At 12.15pm Cassie did another internal and found not much change. Trude's cervix was still only dilated to 9cm with a ring of cercix still there. More of the amniotic fluid was draining out, still showing signs of meconium. There was some good news though, bubs head had come down and was not only 1/5ths above the pelvis.

The Ob on duty came in to visit at about 12.30, her name was Adriana. She came in to make an assessment about what had been happening. She was really kind and caring, and sat beside Trude on the bed to ask her about what had been happening. She asked if she could do another internal, which she said showed Trude was only 8-9cm, and her cervix was starting to swell. She also believed that the head was 2/5th's above the pelvis and the contractions were not as regular as they should be. She explained to Trude that both her cervix and baby's head were showing signs of swelling and that she could feel the anterior fontanelle, which indicated bubs wasn't in a great position. She did also say that bubs was really happy and apart from the swelling, he was fine.

I was so proud of Trude here. She knew that a C/s was becoming a very real option, but to give herself that best possible chance she told the Ob that she'd like another hour. The ob agreed and said that was not a problem and she'd be back at 1pm to see how she was going.

In the meantime, Cassie had found a lovely Midwife to come and give Trude some more options on how to get bubs into a better position. Chris, is an older homebirth midwife who was now working as the childbirth educater at the hospital. She was a grey-haired, English Granmotherly type and I loved her as soon as she walked in the door. She explained that she was free and if Trude did need to go for a C/s, she would come down to so that she would definitily get skin to skin immediately after birth - something that's not always guaranteed due to staffing. She then asked Trude if she could try a few other maneouvers to try and get things moving along.

She was just such a calming influence, her voice was so serene and relaxing - I even thought I was going to fall asleep at one point! She tried a maneuvre where she sat behind Trude and tried to pick bubs out of the pelvis and back down again. It sounds so bad, but it's something that as a homebirth midwife she'd had up her sleeve for these situations. All the time she was speaking to Trude in a lovely, calm voice, telling her to "Relax your body, bring out baby, let go of the tension, Your body is opening - just the way it was designed" All the time I was rubbing her feet with oils and Murray was beside Trude, whilst Chris prodded and performed all the meneuvers. She was an older lady, but working so hard physically on Trude - she had to have been sore the following day!

Chris was worried that Trudes bladder was too full and blocking the descent of the baby. She could feel a pocket of bladder and thought it was worth a try getting rid of this, so she asked Trude if she could change the catheter as she didn't think the one that was in was working properly. She changed it over, all the time Trudy was sitting on the bed with her eyes closed, doing yoga breathing and Chris was talking her through some visualisatons.

2pm and Adriana (Ob) came back in to check how everything was going. She did another internal, and it wasn't good news. Bubs was still high and Trude's cervix was still swollen and not moving past 9cm. She once again explained to Trude what this meant and she advised that a C/s really was the best option. She's been stuck at 9cm for 4 hours, and the swelling for both her and the baby was increasing. At this stage Chris also noticed that the urine coming into the cathater was blood stained.

A C/s was decided. There was lots of tears: from Trude and me, I'm sure Murray even had a few. After all Trudes hard work, it just felt so dissapointing for her labour to end this way - It felt like she'd done all the hard work of birth and just been ripped off the best bits. I talked to Chris after Trude and Murray left for theatre and asked her what would happen with Trude's situation in a homebirth. She said straight up that exactly the same thing would have happened, and she belieived that the bub was brow presentation. She felt that as the anterior fontanelle could be felt from an internal and the fact that bubs head was still so high - chances were that bubs had a deflexed head which was not going to come through. The way he was presenting meant that his head was coming out at the largest possible diameter (approx. 13.5cm) as oppossed to a normal flexed presentation of about 9.5cm. A big 4 cms difference!

~~Brow presentation~~

Adriana explained the whole process of a c/s to Trude, aknowledging although it wasn't part of the plan, she would make it as good experience as possible. I double checked that once bubs was born, he wouldn't be seperated from Trude and she'd be able to take him into recovery. The Ob confirmed that this is what would happen, and they'd get skin-to-skin immediately and a breastfeed when they were both ready. I rummaged through the bags and found a beanie and blanket that Trude had picked out for bubs, and gave it to Cassie to use instead of the hospital ones.

Murray was told to eat, to avoid fainting, and then was sent down to theatre to get scrubbed up. I gave Trude a hug, in between tears, and congratulated on doing so well. I was so excited for her, that in the next hour or so, she'd be meeting her little baby boy and becoming a Mother.

Orderly's were brought up and Trude was wheeled away to meet her baby. Cassie went with her and Chris and I were left in the room - so quiet and empty. I found out later that once down in theatre, Adriana the Ob had done another internal in the hope that things had changed and they could avoid the cs - but everythign still the same. I packed up everything and took it up to the room and waited. And waited. And waited.

It felt like an eternity as I sat their clutching my phone waiting for Murray to text and let me know the news. I wrote Trude a letter, telling her how amazing her experience had been for me and how proud I was of how she'd endured such an exhausting labour. I paced up and down the hall, loitering around the staff elevator hoping every time that it opened I'd see Trude and her new baby boy.

Murray finally did call and let me know that everything went well and they now had a beautiful baby boy - Jasper James. He told me his weight was 8lb 8oz, but later we realised that it was actually 8lb 13oz - a beautiful chubby boy. Finally the elevator doored opened and Trude came out with her new baby boy smooshed up on her chest. They were still skin-to-skin and Trude was just over the moon. Actually, one of the first things I noticed about her was how brilliantly green her eyes looked - for someone that had just had surgery she looked amazing. A there on her chest was her their beautiful little baby boy "Jasper James" All smooshed up and just perfect. His head was a bit cone shaped from the ordeal of labour, but it only took a day or so for his normal, lovely shaped head to come back.

We headed back to her room and got her all settled in. Over the next few hours all the sisters and Trude's mum came to visit the latest addition. I can't remember if Jasper had wanted to feed in recovery, but that afternoon and the next few days he was very disinterested in feeding. Trude had to express and he was fed colostrum with a syringe. Trude was adament that she was going to feed and determination from her part and willingness from Jasper, finally saw them connect and the beautiful breastfeeding relationship begun.

So that is my story of little Jaspers arrival. He's nearly 1 now, and grown so much over the last year. Trude and Murray are both wonderful, caring and gentle - it's so lovely to see them unfold and grow as parents. Trude, has completely blown me away with how much of an amazing mother she is. There is a softer side to her now, although she has always had this part to her personality, it's now more prominent. And little Jasper has just blossomed into the most delightful and cheekiest little boy.

~~Happy 1st Birthday Jasper~~

Xav starts pre-school

Last Wednesday my little Xav started pre-school for the very first time. He's never done any childcare, so this was his first foray into formal care - something I've been waiting until he is 3 to start. I really regret starting Grace at 2 - she & I both hated it, so after sticking it out for a bit I stopped her going. She wasn't ready and I didn't really need her their, I just got seduced by the thoughts of a toddler free day whilst I had a young baby, but looking back it wasn't necessary and didn't benefit anyone.

The centre that she was going to wasn't that great either. Actually, it's not that it was bad, just doesn't even come close to how fantastic the pre-school is that she goes to now. It's run for children aged 3-school age, all in the same room. It's in an converted house on acreage, so the kids have so much room to run around. They have chickens, guinea pig, huge sandpit, vegie gardens and a gorgeous outside wooden hut set up with lush big cushions for story time. There are 2 main carers with a student helper and they are all fantastic and so genuinely interested in the kids. They spend the days doing all the usual kindy things, plus sewing and cooking. Grace, although is still a little clingy when I go, loves it and I have no doubt that she is being treated as well as I would myself. The added bonus is as the pre-school is affiliated with her school, most of the children going on to school next year will be in her class. I think we worked out about 30 of the children that go to pre-school (only about 15 from the Tue/Wed group) will be starting together in the same class next year. The parents and children have all had time to develop relationships, that can only be beneficial for the school transition. Grace will be in the Moonlight prep room, and as part of the introduction to school, her prep teacher comes out to do a home visit. Ours is in August, and although to start with I was nervous about what they would be looking at/for, I've been reassured that it's merely just a visit for the child. It gives the teacher a chance to meet the children in their own environment, and spend an hour or so getting to know them and hopefully make the adjustment next year easier. I'm still trying to comprehend that my little baby girl, next year, is going off to school full-time. Even thinking about that makes me teary, yet excited about the next stage of her life. Everyone says how quickly it goes, but you don't really understand that until looking back. It feels like not that long ago I was cuddling my firstborn baby, not even thinking about school etc - all that seemed so far away. But it isn't. That precious time flies by so quickly.

Anyway, total digress. This is about Xav, and his new adventure.

I always knew that he's be fine, and I highly doubted that there would be any separation problems for him. He's been coming up with me every week for the last 18 months, he's comfortable with the place and the people.

He was so excited on his first day. He woke at 6am, and spent the whole morning asking if it was time to go yet. His bag was packed and re-packed as he raced around finding all his favourite things to take along and eagerly helping me make his lunch. I'd taken him to spotlight last week to pick out some material for his new bag, of course it was one covered in cars.

We took up the volcano, and as it was pouring outside we set it up inside ready to explode. All the kids sat around it in a circle and Miss Amanda made up a chant for them to say to get it to erupt. All the kids were excited! I loaded it up with bi-carb, and then poured in the red vinegar and waited for it to bubble over. The kids all roared with amazement as the red, froth started oozing over the top and all down the side. I set it off a few more times, and even after that the kids were requesting more! They would have loved to play in the "lava", but as it was set up inside, we explained that it would be too hot and they'd all just have to watch.

After the volcano was cleaned and packed away, it was time for me to say goodbye. Grace normally asks me to stay, but today she assumed the caretaker role and was quite happy for me to leave so she could look after Xav. Xav, the child that I have loved and taken care of for the last 3 years, couldn't have been any more fussed if I had walked out without saying goodbye. I insisted on a kiss and cuddle, but it was a brief farewell as he had things to do - busy boy!

It felt so strange to be driving away, leaving both my children in the care of others. It was my very first day child -free day. Of course I don't have them when I'm at uni (well, sometimes I've dragged them along), but this was different as I had nowhere that I had to be. I went home, did a token clean up, quickly did some school work and then spent the rest of the afternoon laying on the couch watch Private Practice. I'd got the first episodes on Dvd from the library as I'd missed them when it was on normal Tv. I watched 4 episodes back-to-back, whilst enjoying a few cups of tea and the best (Aldi) choc chip biscuits. It's been a long time since there has been silence in my house, considering my 2 ratbags don't sleep during the day! It was only 1 day of luxury though, as from now on Wednesday will be dedicated to housework and study.

Duane and I went to pick the kids up together, hoping for a bit of excitement. Nothing. They both wanted to stay and play. I asked the carers how Xav went, and they just raved about how well he fit in and how great and easy he was. There was one comment though about how much more "full on" he was compared to Grace! Very true! He doesn't stop moving or talking.

I asked him on the way how how his day was and in such an excited voice he told me "I was so much fun I got to have morning tea and then have a sleep" Gosh, the things he finds fun!

Vegetarian not-sausage rolls

I love sausage rolls, but I know that they are just full of crap and the heartburn they leave behind is not fantastic.

But, I've found a compromise. The following recipe tastes exactly the same as any sausage roll straight from the pie warmer of the corner store. I promise you that you can safely serve them up to any carnivore and they will not even notice the lack of meat.

Vegie Sausage Rolls

3 eggs lightly beaten
1/2 cup (125gms) pecans
1 onion chopped
1tbsp soy sauce
1/2 cup breadcrumbs (maybe need more if the mix seems too wet)
3 sheets puff pastry
1 cup low fat cottage cheese
1 cup rolled oats

Place cottage cheese, pecans. eggs, onion and soy in food processor.
Add breadcrumbs and oats.
Cut pastry sheets in half and spoon mix down middle
Roll over the pastry so it looks like a long sausage roll (I always stick the pastry together with a bit of egg white)
Cut the rolls into whatever length you prefer.
Glaze the tops with the egg white you used to stick them down
Pop in the over and cook at about 200c for about 15-20 mins, or until golden brown

*Next time I make these, I'm going to add in some grated zucchini, carrot and mushroom.

Easy, peasy and delicious!
let me know if anyone makes them and what you think!

Xav V's the Echocardiogram

A few months ago our lovely Dr found some suspicious heart sounds when she was giving Xav a check up. After going back for her to check it in a month, and it still being there, she suggested we take Xav for an echo cardiogram just to make sure everything was ok. I tried booking it in before he was 3, but unfortunately they don't do under 3's on the coast, so after double checking with Dr Drew she said it'd be fine to wait until after his birthday. I did think it was a bit overkill, but she said that the sounds were quite significant and considering my heart history (my father died quite young of a heart attack) it's probably best to err on the side of caution. Duane and I also had heart mumurs as children and we both did grow out of them, but it's something that's needed to be aware of for any dental work.

So today was the day. I dropped Grace at school and after heading home for a quick play and clean-up we headed off. I'd tried my best to explain to Xav what was going to be happening. Letting him know that we were going to see a Dr and they would be taking some photos of his heart and checking how it sounded. He asked if he'd be getting a "blood test", and I reassured him that no, nothing that he would be doing would hurt him. He was fine with all that, and was quite happy to head along there. He played happily in the waiting room whilst I filled out the paper work. He did stand out in the waiting room, being the youngest there by about 70 years! We were called into the room, and still he was fine with everything. It wasn't until we got into the room and he saw all the machines and started screaming that he "didn't want a blood test" , he was just overwhelmed with it all and was not going to co-operate. The sonographer showed him what she would be doing, and gave him a quick demo on me - but it still didn't calm him. She said that he'd have to take his top off, and this just sent him into even more hysteria - I'm sure the whole office and waiting room where wondering what all the noise was about.

I tried to calmly explain again what was happening and telling him that I would be there and nothing was going to hurt him - but he just kept screaming and yelling "NO I don't want to!" The sonographer said to me that if he wouldn't co-operate we'd have to go up to Brisbane and he'd be sedated. Right, I was on a mission. I ripped off his top, picked him up and pinned him to the bed - he was still screaming. I layed on the bed with him and tried desperately to calm him down. In the end I dug deep into the bad parenting toolbox and bribed him with chocolate. At the mention of chocolate, his screaming stopped and miraciously he was able to hold a lucid conversation on how big and what sort that chocolate would be. He told me all about the time Grandma had bought him and Grace a special treat chocolate, one that looked like an egg but had a toy on the inside - Kinder surprise! I was so happy to have him calm and coperative, that I promised him one of them when we were done. He settled right down then and just layed there, only moving when she asked him to as she needed to get a good ultrasound of his neck, or shove the probe into his ribs to get a downward or upward view of his heart. The ecg took about 45 minutes, and all the time I was laying beside him. He asked about half way through if I'd give him "light touches", which meant I had to manoeuvre around all the wires to get to his back, he relaxed even more - nearly falling asleep! He was perfect the rest of the time, only wincing at the end when all the sticky pads where ripped off his chest.

I asked at the end how it all looked and the response I got was "Sorry, I can't comment, but the cardiologist will look over and send the report to your Dr urgently" Now, the rational part of me knows that this is a stock standard response, but still I can't stop thinking that she saw something unusual and that's why she said that.

As the appointment took longer than I expected, I was running late to pick Grace and Cassie from school and go to dancing. Made even more late by the fact that Xav insisted all the way in the car that we go get his egg chocolate BEFORE getting the girls. I tried to talk him into just having a freddo frog, as I had them already in the fridge at home, but no - he wanted the egg one. So, a quick run into Coles and then a mad dash to grab 2 very excited little girls and straight to dancing where we just made it in time for the warm-up!

I'll make an appointment with my Dr for Thursday or Friday and hopefully be told the wonderful news that my son's heart is just perfect and the swishing sound is merely just another one of his crazy quirks!