11th October 2007

Today was a shocker! It was one of those days that I would have liked to have just stayed in bed!! But I can’t as I have a tornado toddler and a sweet little newborn to attend to!

Xavier woke at 4am and came into my bed for his booby buffet and so I could keep sleeping. Grace woke at about 5am and also came in...but she doesn’t go back to sleep. I tried turning the tv on, but she wouldn’t sit still and was crawling all over me and Xavier. So we started the day very early! Grace was just grumbly right from the start. Xavier went back to sleep at about 6.30am so I set Grace up in the lounge with a dvd so that I could have a shower. I probably should have just stayed at home but I really wanted to go to playgroup as we won’t be able to go for a few week when we are in Tas. Grace was very whingy at playgroup and was so tired. She crashed when we got home and slept from 12-2.30. I got to have a lovely sleep with Xavier in our bed. I just fed him and he just nodded on and off. Nothing better than cuddling into a baby whilst feeding them!

I am having a bit of an emotional moment. I was just reading a home birth story and I have come to the realisation that I may never get one. I feel sad when I think that I’ll never get to be pregnant again and give birth. It is such an experience that I treasure with each of my children but it breaks my heart to think that I may not be doing it again. I look at Xavier and just want to bottle every moment and stop him from growing bigger. I absolutely love babies and the whole experience that they bring. I want to treasure every moment just in case i don’t have anymore....but at the back of my mind I hope that we do!!!

The precious moments of pregnancy & birth

The moment you find out your pregnant,
You are growing a new life,
A symbol of the love you share,
The first little flutter,
Then the definite kicks and rolls,
The gentle hiccups down the bottom on my left,
The “party in my womb” just as I am drifting off to sleep,
Your husband feeling the movement for the first time,
Seeing your belly move strangely right before your eyes,
Making out all the body parts,
Cupping that tiny bottom up near my ribs,
Feeling the curve of the spine down my side,
Feeling the heaviness in my pelvis...waiting for arrival,
The excitement and anticipation of waiting,
That first sign when you know your little bubba is on their way,
The giddiness of realising that you are in labour,
The first contractions & you think “this isn’t too bad!!”
The slow build up and then the full blown labour has begun,
The realisation that there is no backing out now,
The primal noises that escape your mouth,
The unbelievable urge “I need to poo”,
The low groans and my body taking over,
My body doing the work and pushing,
The feeling of the drop in my pelvis
The “Oh my god I can see hair”
The burning ring of fire,
The relief of the head coming out,
The full feeling of your baby’s head being between your legs,
The next amazing contraction and your baby slivering out,
The feeling of relief and meeting your beautiful bubba for the first time, A beautiful little squishy, purple bundle of love!