Sleep time

For about the last 6 months both kids have been asking for extra special treatment at bedtime. Xav, at about 7.30pm, always comes and asks me to take him to bed. He spends the whole day idolising his father, but come nighttime, it's his Mummy that he wants.

He then heads to the toilet, then bathroom to brush his teeth and we meet back in his room. He's usually picked out a few books, so we snuggle into his bed and start reading. After 5 or so books, I'm usually over reading and by then he's asking for me to tell him a story. I have 2 stories that I've made up and they have evolved over time, just for Xav. Ones about a little boy that wants to fly and one day grows wings, the other is about a little boy (see a theme?) who finds a magic fairy door in the garden. He loves both of them, and never tires of hearing either story every night.

~~Grubby hands and blankies~~

After I've finished the story, he rolls over and grabs his blankie for a cuddle. Then I get a request to either pat his back, run my fingers through his hair or lightly touch his back with my finger tips. Ok, I may be setting him up here for future fetishes here! But he loves all of them, and asks that I keep going until his asleep - I oblige. The lightly touching his back thing is a bit odd though. I just can't believe that it doesn't tickle him, instead sending him into a relaxed, docile trance. He often wanders up to Duane or I during the day asking for the back strokes too.

I love doing any of the above and watching him drift off to sleep. It's one of my all time favourite things - watching a child nodding off to dreamland. It's the beautiful moment as their body relaxes and they drift off - Bliss.....

Whilst all the above is happening, Grace has her Daddy performing much the same. They read some books and then Duane lays on her bed and they cuddle until she's asleep too.

We do sometimes mix it up, but for mostly I stick to Xav and Duane goes with Grace. It's become our quiet one-on-one with each child, and it's precious. Duane and I both do it eagerly and there is never any resentment for bedtime taking so long, sometimes we can be in there up to an hour. Mostly if it's taken this long though, it means the adult has fallen asleep too!

Now with all these lovely, relaxing night time rituals you'd think that they'd stay in their own beds all night? Nope, usually around the early hours of the morning (3-5am) we have 2 little bed buddies creep in. We barely even wake when they come in now, either they have improved their stealth qualities or we are learning to sleep through the disruption!

Xav cuddles into me and Grace snuggles in with her Daddy. Xav holds my hand as we sleep, which I just adore. Also, every day he picks a moment to tell me that we had lovely cuddles last night. Just today he thanked me for our last night snuggles as I buckled him into his seat - Just Adorable.

Duane and I both know it's not something we'll be doing forever, so we take the moments when we can.

**I probably should note here that the above photos weren't quite the tranquil picture they paint. Xav had a wonderful meltdown the other day, as he was tired and wanted to just lay on the couch watching a Dvd. I said no, which resulted in said meltdown. He was going crazy and throwing himself around, so I bear hugged him and reminded him to take deep breaths until his body softened. He then stomped off to his bedroom (still yelling about the injustice of it all) and layed down on his floor and went to sleep. It's just what Xav does when he has a rare meltdown, takes himself off for a rest.

Mourning the midday sleep

Xav was a shocker of a sleeper as a baby.

His very first night on earth he screamed ALL.DAMN.NIGHT. I'm talking, loud screaming, from about 9pm until about 4am, I was exhausted from the birth and trying to settle him with lots of feeds and cuddles. In the end, Mum got him to sleep with her and I fell in a heap on the lounge room floor.

From about 1 y/o onwards though, he loved his sleep. Finally sleeping through the night at 16 months, when he stopped waking for a feed and has barely given us a bad night since. Well, except for the gazillion ear infections that he had - then it was more nights of screaming!

His day sleeps (since about 1 y/o) have been great. He is a little boy that understands his sleep needs, and would trudge off to his room and put himself to bed. All he'd need was his blankie and dummy and he'd settle in for a nice 2-3 hour nap. Bliss.

Well, that's what he used to do.


Last week I was getting him ready for his afternoon nap, but he was protesting saying that he didn't want to sleep. "Oh, don't be silly Xav, your body still needs a rest - C'mon lets go get blankie" I asked him as I nervously shuffled him up to his room.

That is when my little boy made a statement that very nearly sent me to the corner rocking - right then and there.

I'm not going to sleep in the daytime anymore. I'm only going to sleep at nighttime - when it is dark. He declared to me, quite matter of factly.

And he hasn't. Nope, seems this kid is a boy true to his word. He has had the occasional car sleep, but won't even transfer anymore.

NO, NO, NO, NO. This is not in my plan. The middle of the day is for ME, to do whatever I want. Grace has finally fine tuned quiet time, and potters around by herself - leaving me to do my own thing. Throw Xav into the mix and quiet time DOES NOT exist, more like fight, scream, yell and generally cause havoc time. See, not relaxing for ME at all.

*Sigh*

So, it seems there will be less of this:




And more of this:

Great, just great.

January 21st Photo

After a long morning of craft on the lounge room floor, it all got a bit much for Grace. I went out to the kitchen and came back to find her sound asleep, looking just adorable.

She's slowly weaning herself of her daytime sleep. I'm not liking it, but it's either no sleep or up until 9pm. As much as I hate giving up my "me" time in the middle of the day, I'll sacrifice it for the early night.

Be careful what you wish for....

It's nearly 6am and I am sitting her at the computer enjoying my morning cuppa - all alone.

Both kids are still in bed, sound asleep.
Xav is in his cot and Grace snuck into my bed at about 4am.

I should be enjoying it right? I mean now that Xav has weaned he sleeps from about 7pm-6.30am (or sometimes 7am) every single night without making a peep. I should be loving the interrupted sleep and the early morning alone time that I used to crave. Sleeping all night just with the husband, not a squirmy toddler - should be bliss hey?

Well I miss it. I miss waking up to an inquisitive poke on the nose, or my face being cradled my chubby toddler hands. I miss stirring through the night and noticing that my baby was in with us, all snuggled up to either Mummy or Daddy. I miss the morning snuggles in our bed(well minus Daddy cause he gets up at 4.30am to get ready for work!). Grace would usually stagger on in from about 5am onwards, her and I then would have cuddles until Xav woke. We'd all then have groups hugs - laughing, giggling and rolling around on the bed.

This usually went on for a half hour or so, so then it was time for our morning group stretch. We'd gather at the end of our bed and line up in front of the mirror. We'd then start our morning stretching routine, the kids all watching me intently and following along.

I don't get any of that anymore. It's so quiet and alone as I wait for the kids to wake up.

So tired

I am so exhausted.

It could have something to do with the head cold I am just getting over. I haven't felt too sick, but so heady and just ridiculously exhausted. My sinus's are all clogged up, my head is all fuzzy and my eyes are hurting from the strain of keeping them open.

It could have something to do with the 2 hours I was up with Xav last night. Poor little fella woke absolutely screaming at midnight. Duane and I both ran into check on him, but by the time we got there he was quiet and laying still. I started creeping back out of the room thinking that he was just having a random squawk, until I realised that he hadn't gone back to sleep he was holding his breathe.

Duane & I both jostled to grab him out of the cot and get him to take a breath, he finally did but kept on screaming, all the time his eyes were rolling around and his whole body was jerking. I held him close and tried to calm him down, whilst Duane frantically checked him all over thinking that he may have been bitten by something. We couldn't find any marks, but both his ears were red and very hot. Not sure if they were hurting him or if they were hot because he had been crying and/or laying on them. Duane also thinks that he had gotten one of his legs stuck in the side of the cot. Not really sure what happened, but he was upset and crying for a good 2 hours. He just wouldn't settle, not even in bed with us. He would start to drift off and then wake and started crying or sobbing and alternating between cuddles with Duane and me. I gave him a dose of panadol and encouraged him to have a feed, he eventually settled into a deep sleep and didn't wake until 6.30am.

Xav's also had a bit of a head cold, and I think it's knocked him around too. He has been having 2 huge sleeps during the day, usually 2 hours each - then still going to bed at 7pm. Strange. He seems ok today though, maybe a little off balance and out of sorts, but not too bad. I wouldn't be surprised if his ears are playing up though, it seems whenever he gets a bit snotty the mucous builds up and whammo, an infection.

Anyway, I'm guess it's just the cold that's made me so tired over the last week or so. I've gone back onto my iron tablets and diligently taking my multi vitamin in the hope that it will spark me up a little. I'd love to be able to nod off in the day but I find it really hard to do. I could quite easily curl up and snooze when both of the kids are, it's just I am reluctant to give up my child-free daylight hours. Instead I am going to bed earlier and catching up that way.

I really need to perk up now though. I'm heading out to dinner and a movie tonight and I'm sure everyone would appreciate it if I didn't nod off at the table. I'm sure I could catch 40 winks in the dark of the cinema though!!

And NO I am definately not pregnant.

Following my instincts

~~A drop of milk on Xavs chin~~

Why am I not happy to just trust my instincts and do what I know is right and Ok?

Ever since Xavier turned 1 I have been chopping and changing about what to do about his night feeds and co-sleeping. He still wakes once a night for a feed. I bring him into bed with me, feed him and he peacefully goes off to sleep.

I am ok with that. Well most of the time I am. I know that I shouldn't let it, but it is what others think that has me wondering if I should be stricter on him. Stupid hey!

It's just gets drummed into your brain that co-sleeping is wrong. Everyone has something to say about it when it's mentioned and usually it's negative. "Creating bad habits", "What about your husband" blah, blah, blah. The fact that I am still (shock, horror!) feeding him at all let alone during the night is just too much for some. Even the MCHN said that they don't need feeding of a night after 6 months. Breastfeeding is so much more than nutrition though, its comfort as well.

So after hearing & reading about that for so long it's really hard to tune it all out and stick to what I think is right. I am so confused sometimes that I am not even sure what I think is right.

So this week I have tuned it all out and worked out what is right for our family.

I am going to keep feeding Xav if he wakes of a night. I will try to give him the dummy, but if he gets upset I'll feed him. I could never leave any of my children to just cry, whether they are little or older. That to me feels so wrong. I would never leave an adult alone of a night if they were upset, why would I do that to my sweet babies?

The co-sleeping thing I will just go nightly on. If I can be bothered getting back out of bed after the feed, I'll put him back. Otherwise he can stay in with us. Duane and I are both of agreeance that this is ok. He is not bothered at all if either kid sleeps with us, I love this about him. I love that he is gentle and intuitive with them, and certainly not fussed what others think.

2 nights ago I went to bed thinking if Xav woke I would feed him and then put him back to his bed. Well he had his feed, came off and fished around for his dummy. I thought, "Get-up Kirsten, put him back into the cot". But I couldn't do it. His soft, warm body was curled into mine, his sweet milky breath tickling my cheek. The reassuring sigh as he exhaled was enough to lull me back to sleep, content and happy that he was beside me.

I am confidant with my parenting choices, knowing that everything I am doing is best for our family. I am not going to worry about what others may think, the internal conflict that I have been having can be hushed.

For now I want to parent with my heart, my babies are only little for such a short time. I want to do what feels right, and not to feel guilty for that.

Second time round

I was a relaxed and easy going Mum when Grace was little, but I think I am even more so with Xavier.

I just feel like I have ditched all the unnecessary crap and just gone more with the flow. With Grace I was eager for a "sleep through", cause that indicated that I was doing everything right. Lucky for me she was a great sleeper and we never really had any night time dramas with her. She used to come into our bed at about 4am every morning, but never before. I tried co-sleeping one night with her, but found that neither of us got any sleep.

It's all so different with X. Although I would love a full nights sleep, Its not the be all and end all to get it. I still feed him overnight, which was a no-no with Grace. I remember the Mchn telling me that after 6 months they don't need feeding overnight, so I just used to re-settle Grace if she woke. She'd go straight back to sleep, which was more to do with her placid nature than me having some magic sleep cure. It just doesn't bother me having to feed X. I just find it so much easier to bring him into our bed when he wakes, he feeds & I sleep. Perfect! Night time is our special time. It's just the 2 of us, alone and together.

We had a beautiful moment last night. He was curled into my side, quietly feeding and drifting off to sleep. Duane was on the other side of him, already asleep and snoring. Xavier was stroking my arm as he fed, his warm body tucked into mine. I just layed there watching him and trying to etch the image of him in my memory. His sucking started to slow and he eased himself from my embrace and rolled over to his tummy. One arm reached out to his touch his Daddy's arm, the other reaching back to me. So, so sweet. Why wouldn't I want him sleeping beside me?

On a side note.......My damn period is back and it seems back to normal. I guess last months light one was just a one-off. This time I am so moody and my whole body is aching. I feel constantly nauseous, with a heavy drag in my stomach.

What can I do to make it stop again??????????

Sick of being sick!

We are all a bunch of sickies at the moment!

We all have head colds & the kids have a few extra's thrown in for good measure.

Grace has another urinary tract infection. It the 3rd one that she has had. With the UTI she also gets a horrible green snotty nose. Apparantly its that infection coming out another way! She also has a constant barking cough.

I fell bad that I didn't pick up on the UTI earlier. She was sick last week, but all the symptoms were pointing towards a cold. I just put it down to another dose of the daycare disease, but then on the weekend she started screaming when she was going to the toilet. I had a look at her vagina was bright red and slightly blistered. Poor little thing must have been in so much pain weeing.

I had a urine sample jar at home so I caught the next wee and made an appointment at the Dr. I couldn't get into our lovely lady Dr, but got into another one but not until 4.30pm. Duane was working (well playing golf!!) so I would have to deal with 2 kids in a busy waiting room.

It started off ok, Grace was sitting on the chair playing nicely and Xavier was just hanging out in his pram. Well then they started to get restless. 4.30pm is a ratty time anyway, let alone trying to keep them amused in a Dr's surgery.

I gave Xavier some cruskits, which kept him quiet and contained. Grace was a little harder. She just wanted to run around & talk to everyone. She made friends with a couple of the people waiting, chatting to them about her brother and anything else that she could think off.

Then she must have got sick of waiting & me telling her that we would be seeing the Dr soon. She started yelling out "Doctor, Doctor Lady" very, very loudly. At this stage Xavier had finished all his cruskits and was wanting a feed. There was no way he was getting it though, imagine me running around after Grace trying to feed Xavier at the same time!! So I just kept plugging the dummy in!

Grace must know have been getting very impatient, she started knocking at going into the Dr's rooms. I dragged her back and tried to get her to sit still, but she wanted to run, run, run! Once she even made it as far as the automatic double doors which lead straight onto the road!!!

So after about 1 HOUR...we finally get in to the Dr.

First off he said that it probably wasn't a UTI, but maybe thrush. So he sent the sample into the nurse to run through the tester thingy!

Bingo....UTI!

So back into the Dr's to get some A/b's. Then struggle into the chemist to get the script filled.

Well Xavier wasn't sick at that stage but that night it came on fast. He woke at about 10pm moaning and seemed to be in pain. He sounded all snuffly, so I bought him into our bed. All night he grizzled and coughed....my poor little baby.

Duane & I had a horrible nights sleep. So it was lovely to wake up in the morning and Duane had called in sick to work! Yay, he was going to look after us!

We had a lazy day just watching Dvd's and hanging around at home. Xavier was getting croakier and his cough seemed to move to his chest, so back off to the Dr's.

He seems to just have a lower respitary viral infection, which he just needs to ride out with panadol & lots of booby!

My lovely Dr (Dr Drew) also wants me to get another sample from Grace to double check that she does have a UTI. Bugger, it was so hard to get the first one, and now she is scared to wee and doesn't seem to know that she is doing it. If it is one, she'll be sent of for an ultrasound and the 'dye through the veins' test. Its to check for kidney reflux.

Xavier had another shocker last night. He spent most of the night in with me again. I hope that he doesn't get too comfy with us though, as much as I love snuggling up to him he is a shocker to sleep with. I pity his poor wife!! For a little baby he somehow manages to take up the majority of our king bed! I'm sure that once he feels better he'll be fine back in his bed, but when my kids are sick I like to have them close.

Anyway today was another trip to the Dr. Well not our Dr but the Pead at the Hospital. It was a follow up appointment for Xavier and his pee-pee.

Xavier was born with a retracted penis that was also partially circumsised. The Dr's were very interested in it when he was born, it's like a natural circumsision. There is no way I would have had it done, but if thats how its grown, so be it!

Anyway they wanted me to have it checked when he was 6 months just to double check that it was straight and that he was peeing ok (that the hole was in the right place!)

So anyway today it was back to the hospital for the check & everything is perfect! I thought that there was a little more extra skin now, but the surgeon said that it all looks good and works well so they would suggest to just leave it. I was very happy with this decision, I didn't want anyone taking a pair of scissors to my precious little bubba.

My kids just like having something a bit different! Grace has the funny ear thing. One of her ears is missing part of her lobe. They think that she may have had her hand on her ear when they were forming and just grew around it! Not sure if this is right or not, but it's kinda cool. She also has a dodgy rib. 2 of her ribs are fused together and there is a big gap beween some of the ribs. She had to have x-rays every 3 months when she was little, just to check that no organs or anything were adhering to the ribs. Now she just has to have one every year...which reminds me she is due now.

I also got to catch up with lovely midwife Tracey today. I love being around her, she is such a lovely person. Seeing her also brings back all the wonderful memories from Xaviers birth. Although she played such a big part in my pregnancy, when it came to my labour she let us do it all ourself. She has also inspired me to apply for Bach of Midwifery in 2010. I'll write all about that another time though.

Return of the day sleep

Ok so we went 2 days with NO day sleep from Grace! She was fine all day too, not tired at all! But today she woke up at 5am and was so tired all morning. I took her out to mothers group in the hope that she would get really tired and have a sleep when we got home. She had fun playing with Leah and Cassie, they all got on really well! She didn’t fall asleep in the car on the way home, I thought that she would. Once we got home I put Xavier to bed and then tried to get Grace to go too. It took about 30 mins but she finally went off to sleep! YEY I really don’t want to her to stop her day sleep, but I have promised myself not to get too stressed if she does!

Xavier has gone to bed the last 2 nights alot easier! I have tried a different approach. I now feed him some rice cereal at about 5pm, then he has a bath, boob at 5.30pm, then I let him have a play on the floor for about ½ hour. At about 6pm I take him to bed and just lay him down with his dummy. He usually only needs me to give him a few pats and then he goes off and stays asleep. I have also had success resettling him of a night when he wakes. Last night he woke at 12pm, so I gave him a quick feed and then he woke again at 4pm so I fed him again. He then went off to sleep in my bed until 5am when Grace woke!! Duane put him back into his bed and Grace came into me so I could sleep a little longer. Xavier just chatted and laughed to himself until we all got up at 6am! I realised then why he wouldn’t go back to sleep! He had done the biggest, smelliest poo! A yucky solids poo!! I totally forgot how horrible poo is when they start having more than milk! Yesterday Xavier had some banana and sucked on a nectarine (ate most of it!) He also had his rice cereal. He absolutely loves the food and opens his mouth wide and gobbles it all up!!

Grace and Xavier are starting to play well together now. Grace is being alot more gentle and considerate, and she seems to know when she is doing something wrong now. If I am beside her always reminding her to be gentle she is fantastic. I notice that when she gets tired or too hyped up thats when she start the pushing, hair pulling etc. But I can leave them both alone together now as long as grace is in the right mood! I love seeing them play together! Grace has also started taking toys off Xavier, but I have been encouraging her to get him another one if she takes it. She is going great with this too! Quite often she gives him back the toy or gets another one and says “here you go Xavier”

23rd February 2007

Well it has been weird weather here lately. It has rained everyday which is nice and refreshing but as the day progresses it gets muggy again! The backyard is so wet and sodden! All the weeds seem to be growing at such a fast rate…too fast for us to keep up!

Duane mowed the lawn yesterday…it was getting to be about a foot long! Gracie and I swept up the lawn clippings from the concrete. She had the little broom and I had the big one! She loves getting involved in what we are doing and trying to help. This morning I swept the front yard and she remembered and grabbed her broom and started picking the piles and trying to put them into the bin. It was so cute!

For the last few months Gracie has been an absolute angel going to bed. At about 8.30 in the morning I ask her if she is tired and wants to go to sleep and if she does she heads up to the bedroom and waits for me to put her in the cot. Gee it makes life easier! She also does this for her sleep at about 1.30pm! I usually peek in on her and she is just happily laying there playing with her dummies (she has about 6 in the cot with her!!) She very rarely wakes up crying…usually I don’t even hear her through he monitor! I just check on her from about 1 hour onwards!

For her nighttime routine she has a bath (if we are organized!!) then has a nuddy run out in the lounge! After we have a struggle getting her pj’s on (she loves being a nudie!!) she starts getting all excited because it is milk time! She looks for her pillow and then does this cute little half laugh half cry thing! She then runs up to me all excited! I feed her (in between her laughing at me and pulling on and off!) then Daddy takes her to bed after a kiss and cuddle! She goes into bed and we usually don’t hear a peep out of her for the next 11-12hrs! Absolute bliss! And now everything with Gracie sleep is perfect we are going to turn our world upside down again and start again with the new bub!

I always have a peek on her just before I go to bed…I love seeing what sort of position she has chosen to sleep in!

I am now about 21 weeks pregnant and starting to definitely feel preggars! My tummy is quite definite and I am starting to fell a lot more movement. By this time with Gracie I was feeling movement all the time but it seems that this time the placenta is at the front (anterior) and cushioning the babies kicks! I seem to be able to feel them from the side or faintly from the front. My back is also starting to hurt and every now and then I have trouble with my sciatica on the left side. Apart from all that I feel great…I have to keep up with Gracie!

I am still feeding Gracie! We had a lovely moment the other night when I was feeding her bubs was kicking! I don’t think that it would have been strong enough for Gracie is realize but it was nice for me!

Well it’s still the 23rd but later in the evening! Gracie had her usual bedtime routine however something different happened! She came up to get her milk had 1 suck and came off laughing! This happened quite a few times! I kept on offering it to her and she would take a sip and then come off and laugh at me! I know that there was milk because every time that she came off I was leaking. She started doing this last night so I guess that she is weaning of this night feed! I’ll see how she goes tomorrow night and keep you updated!