Feeding Xav

~~Xav feeding 7 months~~

Xav being the sweet boy that he is, decided to have one last feed. He hadn't fed or woke for 3 nights, but then on the fourth night he woke at 4.30am. Duane bought him into our bed, thinking that he would just snuggle in and drift back off to sleep.

I rolled over and cuddled him close, enjoying the warmth of his soft chubby skin. He pushed me away, threw his dummy to the other end of the bed, rubbed his fingers together and started saying, "Mmmm, Mmmm, Mmmmm" Which is what he always said when he wanted milk. He then started nuzzling around and trying to pull my top up.

I fed him, and we both enjoyed it.

I layed there staring at my beautiful little boy - somehow knowing that this would be our last feed. I held his little toddler hand in mine, rubbing my thumb in his palm. He rhythmically kicked his legs under the covers, his eyes getting heavy and sleepy. After he was done he went searching for his dummy, popped it in and went straight to sleep. I watched him sleep for a while, realising that my baby growing up and needing me less. But I'm ok with that.

I know that for the last 16 1/2 months he has needed me and I have been 100% there for him. He has never been left alone crying, or hungry - he was never refused a feed. Weaning has been totally on his terms. Even when I was told by the MCHN that he doesn't need to be fed overnight anymore, I still did.

From his first long feed and to his last quick drink - it has been a beautiful relationship. Not with out trying times though.

We fed through those first painful days as we both were learning, and you wanted to get lots of practice - feeding what felt like all the time.

We fed through recurrent thrush, chilblains and inverted nipples. Painfully trying to attach a
newborn to nipples that had suddenly retracted was not an easy thing. We got through it though with lots of perseverance and support.

We fed through a 3 day feeding strike at 3 months where you screamed and refused to feed every time I tried. I now have my suspicions that it was silent reflux that was causing you to strike. Once again we perservered with the trusty pump and a cup to get you to drink. I really thought that this could have been the end, I was so stressed and anxious that you were going to dehydrate and starve.

We fed everywhere and anywhere, when ever you wanted a feed you were fed. It was the simplest and easiest way to nourish and comfort you. I was there for every single feed too, never needing to express and give it to you later.

I'm so proud of your progression from ravenous newborn to a toddler that only fed once a day. You slowly cut down the feeds all of your own accord, and just knew when the time was right to finish. I kept offering, but you would just laugh and giggle then move onto the next adventure. I stopped offering and you haven't asked.

I am proud that not a drop of formula has passed either of my babies lips, and that they only had a few bottles of expressed milk on the odd occasion. I know it's not something that everyone can do, and I am grateful that I have been able to feed both of my children. The night time feeds have always been so special. Just me and a warm sleepy suckling baby, these are precious moments that I never want to forget.

Now I am just waiting for the post-breastfeeding weight loss that I have been promised! My body didn't have a chance when Grace weaned as I was 30 weeks pregnant with Xav. This is the first time in 3 years 10 months that my body has not been housing or feeding a child.

Gosh for something that I am sometimes so critical of, it really has done a magnificent job!

I think he has weaned

I think my sweet little boy has weaned.

He hasn't fed for 54 hours, not through lack of me trying though. His last feed was at 3am on the 30th November. He has slept right through from 7pm - 6am last night and the night before. The first morning I took him into Grace's bed (she was asleep in mine) and tried to get him to feed. He just pushed me away and laughed. It was a little like deja vu, Grace did exactly the same thing when she weaned. I tried a few different ways but each time he just shook his head, totally not interested. He did however show displeasure at me putting the boobies away, seems that even though they are no good for milk now, it's still fun to poke, squeeze and laugh at them.

Once again last night he slept all the way through. I woke at 5.30am, my stomach dropped again realising that my little boy was not curled up beside me. He woke at 6.15, then I bought him into the lounge and tried to get him to feed. Nope, same reaction - laugh, poke and then he climbed down. I had my camera ready, hoping that he would have one last feed for good luck and I would be able to capture it on film, but he had made up his mind.

So it seems my milk making career has come to a grinding halt. I've had 3 years of the beautiful breastfeeding hormones, getting my daily fix of the feeding drug. I'm feeling not too bad at the moment, but no doubt my hormones will be sending me into a crying, weeping mess as they come crashing down.

~~Our very first feed~~

I'm just not ready yet. The end of breastfeeding to me is the end of the the pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding journey. It's like I now have to face that my baby is no longer a baby. He is now a toddler that can make big decisions, like how he wants to gain his nutrition.

~~Our last before bed feed 21-11-08~~

I knew that the time was coming and I had been mentally preparing myself for it, the reality of it actually happening is much, much harder though. I also know that I should be happy that he is sleeping all night, but I'm not. I loved having a little early morning bed buddy - nothing better than warm, delicious baby cuddles. I know that I have wished for a long time that I got to wake of a morning on my terms. I dreamt about waking before the kids and coming out and enjoying a nice cup of tea all alone. I guess you should really be careful for what you wish for, cause I have that now and it's not all it's cracked up to be. I treasure the memories now of waking beside a sleepy baby, a dribble milk escaping from his lips.

I just hope that every now and then he still to come in early for a snuggle.

Following my instincts

~~A drop of milk on Xavs chin~~

Why am I not happy to just trust my instincts and do what I know is right and Ok?

Ever since Xavier turned 1 I have been chopping and changing about what to do about his night feeds and co-sleeping. He still wakes once a night for a feed. I bring him into bed with me, feed him and he peacefully goes off to sleep.

I am ok with that. Well most of the time I am. I know that I shouldn't let it, but it is what others think that has me wondering if I should be stricter on him. Stupid hey!

It's just gets drummed into your brain that co-sleeping is wrong. Everyone has something to say about it when it's mentioned and usually it's negative. "Creating bad habits", "What about your husband" blah, blah, blah. The fact that I am still (shock, horror!) feeding him at all let alone during the night is just too much for some. Even the MCHN said that they don't need feeding of a night after 6 months. Breastfeeding is so much more than nutrition though, its comfort as well.

So after hearing & reading about that for so long it's really hard to tune it all out and stick to what I think is right. I am so confused sometimes that I am not even sure what I think is right.

So this week I have tuned it all out and worked out what is right for our family.

I am going to keep feeding Xav if he wakes of a night. I will try to give him the dummy, but if he gets upset I'll feed him. I could never leave any of my children to just cry, whether they are little or older. That to me feels so wrong. I would never leave an adult alone of a night if they were upset, why would I do that to my sweet babies?

The co-sleeping thing I will just go nightly on. If I can be bothered getting back out of bed after the feed, I'll put him back. Otherwise he can stay in with us. Duane and I are both of agreeance that this is ok. He is not bothered at all if either kid sleeps with us, I love this about him. I love that he is gentle and intuitive with them, and certainly not fussed what others think.

2 nights ago I went to bed thinking if Xav woke I would feed him and then put him back to his bed. Well he had his feed, came off and fished around for his dummy. I thought, "Get-up Kirsten, put him back into the cot". But I couldn't do it. His soft, warm body was curled into mine, his sweet milky breath tickling my cheek. The reassuring sigh as he exhaled was enough to lull me back to sleep, content and happy that he was beside me.

I am confidant with my parenting choices, knowing that everything I am doing is best for our family. I am not going to worry about what others may think, the internal conflict that I have been having can be hushed.

For now I want to parent with my heart, my babies are only little for such a short time. I want to do what feels right, and not to feel guilty for that.

Happy 1st Birthday Xavier

Hooray! Your now 1!

And what a great year it has been.

Your now walking with more confidence. Stiffly and cautiously you put one foot in front of the other, hand clenched into fists and pressed to your side offering balance. Sometimes your concentration wavers and you break into a dance routine. Flapping your arms around and flicking your hips from side to side, we call it your "Peter Garret" dance. You have also mastered the art of walking and holding onto your toys or eating, such a clever boy! Just in the last few days you are able to get into a standing position without holding on to anything.

Your showing signs of being a determined little fella. If something isn't going your way or being taken off you, you certainly let it be down that you are not impressed. Although its great that you are so assertive, it is quite entertaining how one second you can be absolutely heartbroken and screaming only to go completely quiet and happy with a contraband item. My keys and phone are the silencers at the moment, guaranteed instant happiness.

Your absolute favourite toy at the moment is the stacking rings. You spend ages putting them all on, dumping them off and starting again. It's so cute to watch you hold each ring and bang it around on the stand trying so hard to get it through the hole. Your little mind knows what it wants to do, but your hands are sometimes clumsy. Once all rings are on, you sit back triumphionatily and give yourelf a congratualtey clap.

You are going through a "velcro" phase at the moment. You constantly want to be near or on me. It's cute and all, but geez I'm not that much fun, am I? I do enjoy the snuggles though, and I guess I did request a Mummy's boy. My fault.

You are starting to chatter in your own little language. We spend our first few moments together in the morning copying each other. You always wake up so happy of a morning and the exact same way every day. You little body squirms, then you raise your head and have a quick peek around. Your head goes back to the bed and you scrunch it in to the mattress as you raise you bum into the air (usually giggling at the same time!) Once your routine stretch is out of the way you immediately go over to the bedside table to get either the Air con remote or to fiddle with Dad's alarm clock. Every morning is the same.

Oh and yes....you spend nearly every night in Mummy and Daddy's bed. You still enjoy your overnight snack from Mum, and Mum is too much of a softy to deny you. You love cuddling up to Daddy or Mummy, even better if you can have a hand touching both of us.

You are still loving "Mummy's" milk. Having a morning, lunch (sometimes) and bedtime feed, and of course the overnights. Of a night when Daddy says it's milk time you get so excited and start making a cute little half giggle/half cry noise. Daddy puts you on the other side of the room so Mummy can watch you stagger so excitedly over to her. Your feeds now are so quick, I often wonder how long we will enjoy this time together. We have done so well to make it this far, but I hope we get a little longer.

You absolutely adore your big sister. When ever you see her your whole face lights up and your body shakes with excitement. You follow her around eager to get any form of attention from her. You are at your happiest when you and Grace are chasing each other up and down the hall or around the lounge room. It's so cute watching you both exhaust yourself, then collapse into a giggling mass on the floor. Watching the 2 of you interact is one of my favourite pass time, I could watch you both for hours. Grace is showing remarkable patience with you and some of your "ways". When she is sitting down watching a favourite TV program, you are constantly at the TV either turning it up full blast or flicking between the channels. You regularly check for our reaction then go straight back to giggling and pushing buttons.

~~Kisses with Mummy (and slipping in the tongue!)~~

Your kisses are just divine and one of our favourite moments together. You open your little mouth up nice and wide, whispering 'ahhhhhh' as you come in close. I kiss you with my lips together, you kiss me with your mouth wide open, then lay your head on my shoulder for a cuddle. These moments are when my whole world stops and it is just us, it is not often that you cuddle into me so still. I treasure these times.

Xavier, the last year has just flown by and yet you have learnt so much. You have grown from my dependant newborn and into a walking, talking, confidant toddler. I have often just sat back and watched you over the last year, hoping that you wouldn't grow so fast but also excited about seeing your personality shine through. You have bought so much love, happiness and life into our family. You have fitted in so well.

We all love you so much, you are our little spark. A breath of fresh air that adds shine to our life every day.

Happy 1st birthday my beautiful boy!

Still not good

Well Xavier is not getting much better.

After not feeding at all on Tuesday I was hoping that he would make up for it in the night. He woke up at 9.30pm and couldn't be settled. He was just hysterical and getting so hot. I tried to feed him but he kept pushing me away and getting so distressed. He slept in with us, but spent most of the night writhing around in pain. I finally got him to feed at 1.30am, I virtually had to force him on. Once he was attached though he had a decent feed. I was so glad that he did though, I was so full and uncomfortable. I tried to get him onto the other side, but he just fell asleep.

He fed again at 5am and then didn't feed again all day. It's like he is pain when I lay him down to feed. He pushes me away and gets so upset, he gets really hot and big fat tears spurt out of his gorgeous blue eyes. I get so upset watching him get so distressed, but I also don't want him to not feed. I would be so upset if he didn't feed again. I know that he is a pain in the bum sometimes to feed, but I highly doubt that he is self-weaning at this young age. I really think that he is in some type of pain, or he has been and he is associating the pain with feeding.

He was so clingy and just cried all day today and yesterday. He still seemed to be in so much pain yesterday so I called the on call Dr to come out again. He checked him over and said that his ears and throat are still red. He thinks that he might be still unwell as he is getting over the infections and also that he may be having a reactiont to the A/b's. He said that sometime the A/b's that he is on can cause joint pain, so to keep him topped up with panadol.

Last night he still wouldn't fed when he went to bed, so gave him a cup of expressed milk. He took some of it, but then started doing the same thing that he does when I feed him. He woke at about 2am again and I bought him into my bed and he fed again. He was a little better, not crying and moaning in his sleep as much.

Today he is still really upset and fed once but only when I was laying down. I thought that it might be hurting him the way that I hold him when we feed. So today I tried every other way possible. Nothing made him feed.

I took him to our regular Gp today, hoping to get a referral for the recurring ear infections. Xavier was being a little charmer, I don't think that the Dr believed everything that I was telling her. As I sat there telling her about hime being in pain and crying all the time, he sat there smiling and "making eyes" at her. But then he started to go down hill again. He was so upset and she could definately see what I was talking about. She checked him all over, but couldn't come to any reason why he was inso much pain. She thought that maybe his teeth are causing him grief but agreed with me that his behaviour seemed too extreme for that.

She has given me a referral for a pead and also to get some bloods done. I went straight to pathology to get it over and done with, only to be told that they needed 2 staff to do babies. Hmmm, 1 to hold down and 1 to stick 'em I guess. My poor little baby.

Anyway I managed to get into the Pead tomorrow at 12.30, lucky someone cancelled or it could have been a month away. Fat lot of good that would have been for now though. As much as I would pay anything for my little boy, its still an expensive little visit. $280 all up, but I do get $200 back from Medicare. I coul have gone public, but not sure how long I would have to wait though. I have also made an appt to get his blood taken at 11.20. I am so not looking forward to that, especially if he wont feed. I have always settled him after his needles with boob. He has always been great with getting needles, I hope that he is fine with giving blood.

Grace is hopefully going to be at school tomorrow. As she missed out on Tuesday I am trying to get her in for a make up day. If she can't get in I'll try to drum someone up to have her, I would prefer not to take her to the Dr's!! She has been an absolute angel through all this. We have been stuck at home all this week and she has been great. Normally she gets a little crazy and housebound, but she understands that Xavier is sick. She just wants to help me with him which is so sweet. I do let her hold his arms down when I am putting his ear drops in, it's so hard to do alone!! I hope that doesn't come back to bite me on the bum!!

Actually something funny. Grace must have overheard me talking about Xavier 'cutting" teeth. So the other day she was playing with her kiddy scissors and I heard her say, "Gracie will cut Xaviers teeth" Oh dear......looks like its back to full supervision with the scissors!

~~Grace being busted painting everything BUT the paper~~

What a shocker!

We have had a shocker of a day!

Xavier wasn't too bad last night, only woke once for a booby feed. I thought it would be more considering his ear infection.

I was looking forward to having a realxing day at home, just me and Xavier. Well that didn't happen, Grace woke with the snottiest, yukkiest nose I have ever seen. It was just like 2 plugs of silicone shoved up her nose. As much as I would have loved to send her, I did the good parent thing and kept her at home. She had a little runny nose in the morning, but was fine from about 10am onwards....dammit! Should have packed her off then......if I could have peeled Xavier from my chest to at least have a shower!!

Xavier was a mess ALL DAY. He spent most of the day crying and moaning whilst grabbing his ears. He just wanted his Mummy to cuddle him all day, and he just cried if I put him down. He slept on me on and off all day, just having little 40 minute catnaps. I enjoyed the cuddles, but it makes it hard to get things done for Grace.

Xavier came into my bed at about 5am and had a feed. It's now 8.30pm and he hasn't fed again. Everytime that I have tried to feed him he has bitten me. Not just a little gummy bite either....the boy has 6 visible teeth, with others on the way. He bit down so hard the first time I screamed, I wasn't expecting it. Scared the crap out of all of us; Grace, Xavier and me. I expressed a dismal amount, 50ml. I haven't expressed since Grace was 6 weeks old, I just don't like it. However it was urgent today, I kept thinking that the dreaded mastitis was coming. There was a lump in my right boob and I was going hot and cold. Not sure if I was fighting of mastitis or just a cold.

Grace thought it was hilarious though! She kept wanting to drink the expressed milk, I had to hide it from her! If I was any better at it I would express some for her, but it took my very full boobs 20mins to get 25 ml each time I expressed. I concentrated so hard, but I couldn't get a let down.

Xavier was still having wet nappies so I doubt that he is dehydrated. He was guzzling the water, but a bit of his solids. I hope that the A/b's kick in soon and my little boy likes his boobies again. I am kinda hoping that he wakes tonight and spends the night with me. I'll open the "booby buffett" and he can help himself all night!!

**I forgot to mention Xaviers other misfortune today. Not sure how he did it but he somehow face planted on the carpet. He was screaming and I picked him up and there was blood everywhere, mixed in with his snotty nose too of course! I think that he had cut his lip. Maybe his little mouth is sore and that's why he doesn't want to feed?

Xavier is 8 months!

Oh dear another month has passed so, so quickly!

Little Xavier is growing up, slowly slipping out of the baby stage and hurtling towards being a toddler. Aaaahhhhh No, no no....I WANT MY LITTLE BABY!!!!!!

Okay...I am going to accept he is getting older, well I really have no other option, do I? So I will pack away all the grow suits and all in ones and accept my little boy is just that!

The last month has been a tough one for X. He has had the 2 (or maybe it was just one really long one??) ear infection, and then also the outer ear infection. They have made him so upset at times. Hopefully he is all over them now but now the dreaded teeth are causing him grief. I am always reluctant to blame things on "teeth", but I really think they are annoying my little boy. he has cut his 2 front top teeth in the last week, and now the teeth either side of them have cut too. Ouchie!

He has been busy perfecting his clapping technique, this is coming along nicely! He has started waving sporadically and also scrunching his little fists up into "twinkles"

Xavier is crawling so quickly and he is getting into everything! His absolute favourite thing is to speed up the hallway and pick the vent off the wall. We have resorted to covering up the vent with a box, but I am guessing it wont be long before he realizes he could still get to it. Today he zoomed into the bathroom and pulled up the drain from the floor. I walked in and he was sitting innoccently on the floor with the drain in his hand and a gaping big hole on the floor! He loves getting into the kitchen cupboards or jamming himself behind the fridge door when I open it.

I actually really like it now that he is confident crawling. He can get around the whole house and loves just following Grace and I around. He especially loves watching the washing machine, he sits there mesmerised by the clothes going round and round.

He is a real sticky beak, and gawks out the window every time I change him. His change table is set up beside his bedroom window and everytime, he pulls back the curtain and looks outside. It's funny first thing of a morning when its still dark in his room and he pulls back the curtain and gets a face full of sunlight! That makes him blink and his little face scrunches up!!

He pulls himself up on everything and is starting to walk around the furniture easier. The little terror has even started letting go and standing for a few seconds. I am so not ready for him to be walking, mentally I am not ready!!

Xaviers favourite toys at the moment are, anything of Grace's (shoes, socks, hair bands etc), remotes, balls, tamborine & his set of jingle bells. He has perfected his pincer grip, so nothing on the ground is safe. Everything he finds on the ground goes in his mouth, any skerrick that has been dropped. He concentrates so hard to pick it up and shove it in his gob!! I have fished out all sorts of things; cornflakes, paper, felt etc.

He loves his food and is on 3 meals a day, with a few cruskits. He has eaten everything that I have given him so far. We are still not really adventurous, mainly just fruit, vegies, cous cous, weetbix, rolled oats and toast. He handles finger foods really well and has no trouble with lumps. I think that he will take after Grace in the "good eating" stakes.

Xavier is still a "booby boy", although he doesn't treat them so well! He really needs to learn some manners when it comes to his "milk". He often just dives his head into them and starts slapping me, wanting a feed. Also when I do feed him he is so wriggly and constantly pushes and slaps me. He is getting better at actually feeding now though, not just having a suck and then a gawk around. He gets on with the job and is usually done in less than 5 minutes. I'm not really sure how many feeds a day he has, probably about 5?? He

Xavier loves his sleep and is great at it! He has just cut down to 2 day sleeps, one from 7.30am - 9am and then again from 12-1.30pm. He sometimes has a quick snooze in the afternoon, if he gets a bit grumpy. Bedtime is still 6pm and he mostly goes without too much of a fuss. I love that I can just put him down and he goes to sleep himself, make life easier!! Sometimes he wants a little bum pat, but usually he is just happy with his (pink!!) mulsin wrap and dummy!! He usually wakes once a night, and depending on how tired I am, he either goes back to his bed or spends the night with me. He is a shocker to sleep with, but I do really love the morning feed and cuddles!!

He has also started saying a new word. "Car, car, car" I'm not actually sure that is what he is saying, but we are going to claim it anyway. Very fitting 3rd word for a boy, don't you think??

26th November 2007

Well Grace has been in undies now for the last week. She has only had a few accidents at home, no accidents when we are out!! She is going so well and always asks to go to the toilet when she needs to. Today she even got up on the toilet by herself and did a wee. I am just praising her now and not using any “toy” rewards like I was. It all seems so easy and i guess i am waiting for it all to fall apart! I really hope this is it though and i am fairly confident that it is! Yey....no more Grace nappies....just stinky Xavier’s!!

Xavier is just being more and more adorable every day! I am absolutely mesmerized by him! He is just so happy all the time and giggles at everything. Nicole and I took the boys shopping today. It was great to get out toddler free! Xavier is so good in the pram he just looks around until he gets tired then just drops off to sleep! He is still waking of a night at about 2am. I have just been giving him a quick feed and he goes back to bed easily. I think that he might be waking as he is not getting enough milk during the day....which leads me to my next subject!

I am fairly sure that Xavier is going to be a messy eater when he starts solids! If his breastfeeding antics are anything to go by! He latches on, has a few sucks then starts going crazy on my boob! He does this funny thing where he bury’s his head in my boobs and kinda blows a raspberry! I think that it has something to do with my letdown....but is it really necessary Mr Xavier? I come out of the ordeal with milk everywhere and my nipple being exposed to everyone! He also is very distracted during feeds now. Its like there is too much fun happening and he wants to be a part of it! He either laughs at me when he is feeding or gawks around at everyone else. I think that this is part of the reason that he is waking for a night feed. He doesn’t seem to be getting enough during the day! I would try and resettle him but his little tummy rumbles, so i just give him a quick feed and he goes back to sleep!

Well my beautiful first born baby is turning 2 tomorrow. I can’t believe that this time last year I was starting my labour that would bring this beautiful soul into the world. At 7pm the contractions started, just as Duane has dished me up a generous serving of ice-cream, ice magic and walnuts!
We have had so much fun together over the last 2 years, and I am looking forward to the next phase of her life! I’ll write a bit more about how I am feeling tomorrow! We are going to have a lovely family day...maybe go to the beach if it is a nice day! We have bought her a bike...which I am sure she will be super excited about!

Grace's last feed

Well we got home at about 1am this morning but Duane still managed to go to work at 6am.

Gracie woke at about 6am so I bought her in bed with me to get a little extra sleep! I was wearing a singlet top that always slides and exposes my boobs! Well Gracie must have had a flashback to a week ago and latched on!

I couldn’t believe it!

I didn’t want to say no to her so I just let her go! She fed for about 10mins and seemed to be enjoying it! It didn’t hurt which I was quite surprised about!

When she tried to feed of the other side, but after having a break it hurt me a lot! I guess it was dry sucking! She hasn’t asked again so I really think that now she has fully weaned! I am a bit sad but I am also grateful that we got to feed for so long!

Our last feed was very enjoyable for us both! I spent the whole time gazing at her and thinking how much my little newborn baby had grown up! When she had finished she pulled off and gave me her cheesiest smile! I thought then that this was our last! I have decided to do a collage of all our feeding photos and have it made into a black and white canvas! It will be something that she can keep! I am sure that at times it will be embarrassing to her but when she gets older she might appreciate how beautiful this time was for us together!

If this is our last time, I want to remember a few things.

I am so proud that we both stuck it out for this long!
The early days were tough.
We battled through 3 days of not attaching and syringe feeding.
Hundreds of different nurses banging your head and my boobs together like a pair of symbols,
The horrendous crack on my right nipple when my milk came in,
Your delicate little mouth trying desperately to attach to my engorged boobs, but just slipping everywhere,
The constant recurring bouts of thrush, the shocking pain,
Poor Mummy crying every time you were due for a feed, curling my toes as you attached and praying that you stayed there,
But then things got better,
You started getting stronger and less sleepy,
Feeds got shorter and weren’t painful,
It was now quite easy,
I really enjoyed our special feeding times,
Seeing in your eyes just how much you loved it,
That cute little half cry, half giggle just before feed time,
The little dribble of milk coming out of your smiling mouth,
I will always have the fondest memories of feeding you, my beautiful Grace.

We made it to 16 months! Hip Hip Hooray for us!!

~Feeding Grace @ 2 weeks old~

27th February 2007

Well Gracie has officially weaned herself off the night feed! She hasn’t had it for 4 nights now and doesn’t seem to miss it! She has a cup of milk before she goes to bed and her excitement about milk has passed over to that! She is still enjoying her morning slurp though! It’s so cute when she has finished she looks up at me with the cheekiest grin. I always ask her if it was yummy and she nods her head in agreement!! I wonder how long that feed will last now??? Also I wonder if I will be lopsided?? Ever since she cut down to only 2 feeds she has had lefty for breakfast and righty for tea! She is still only having lefty for breaky…but it all seems fine though!

Grace is really starting to gain her own independence now! We went to get the fruit and veg yesterday and she was very insistent about picking out EVERYTHING! I only got to hold the bag and scrutinize her choices from afar! She just loves helping with everything that we do! Sometimes it is a good help but most of the time it just means more work for me!!

I really don’t mind though…I love her exploring and working out things for herself! One form of her exploring that is becoming quite embarrassing is that with her mouth!! She loves the feel of all different things in her mouth…very unusual things!! For example we were at pathology today waiting for Duane to have his blood test. Gracie was touching a wall that was very textured…all bumpy! Now it would have been fine just feeling it with her hands but no she wanted to feel it with her tongue! She started licking the wall! Every time I pulled her away and tried to distract her she went straight back to it and started licking again! It must have looked strange to everyone lese waiting!!

Oh another thing she did this morning as we were waiting! I was standing up (everyone else seated) ready to pounce on Grace if she went somewhere she wasn’t allowed! I called out to her and she came running at me full pelt and grabbed my legs in a big hug! That would have been nice also but she then decided to pull down on my skirt…nearly revealing everything to the “audience”! Nothing was revealed…but I must remember to be aware for this next time I am in a skirt (all the time!!)

Now back to the mouth thing! I also caught her the other day lying on the floor trying to get the door stop in her mouth! She often goes up to the dog’s wide mouth trying to get them to lick the inside of her mouth, and then she laughs her head off!

The dreaded heartburn started with a vengeance yesterday! It’s still not too bad but it has made me remember how bad it can be! You feel the burning flame coming up your throat, sometime into your mouth and the worst is when acids come up all the way! Yuck! Off to the shops for quick-eze for me I think!

Baby has been kicking a lot more now. I am still mainly feeling them on the left side…I think I even felt a bit of rolling the other day! I can feel a little it at the front but it is a lot duller! I am feeling fine, more energy now. I can’t believe that I am just over half way now! I really want to enjoy this pregnancy…It could potentially be my last which is sad! Nicole is still having trouble with M/s…maybe she is having twins???

I taught myself to knit a few weeks ago! I really enjoy it and have knitted Grace 2 woolen soakers to wear over her nappies at night! They actually didn’t turn out too bad for a first attempt…and they work which is a bonus!

Duane is still not feeling well. He went back to the Dr yesterday and had blood tests done today! I hope that the can work out what is wrong with him because he has no energy and has already lost 8 kgs! I am thinking that he is just slower to get over the tummy bug…I hope that’s what it is anyway!

23rd February 2007

Well it has been weird weather here lately. It has rained everyday which is nice and refreshing but as the day progresses it gets muggy again! The backyard is so wet and sodden! All the weeds seem to be growing at such a fast rate…too fast for us to keep up!

Duane mowed the lawn yesterday…it was getting to be about a foot long! Gracie and I swept up the lawn clippings from the concrete. She had the little broom and I had the big one! She loves getting involved in what we are doing and trying to help. This morning I swept the front yard and she remembered and grabbed her broom and started picking the piles and trying to put them into the bin. It was so cute!

For the last few months Gracie has been an absolute angel going to bed. At about 8.30 in the morning I ask her if she is tired and wants to go to sleep and if she does she heads up to the bedroom and waits for me to put her in the cot. Gee it makes life easier! She also does this for her sleep at about 1.30pm! I usually peek in on her and she is just happily laying there playing with her dummies (she has about 6 in the cot with her!!) She very rarely wakes up crying…usually I don’t even hear her through he monitor! I just check on her from about 1 hour onwards!

For her nighttime routine she has a bath (if we are organized!!) then has a nuddy run out in the lounge! After we have a struggle getting her pj’s on (she loves being a nudie!!) she starts getting all excited because it is milk time! She looks for her pillow and then does this cute little half laugh half cry thing! She then runs up to me all excited! I feed her (in between her laughing at me and pulling on and off!) then Daddy takes her to bed after a kiss and cuddle! She goes into bed and we usually don’t hear a peep out of her for the next 11-12hrs! Absolute bliss! And now everything with Gracie sleep is perfect we are going to turn our world upside down again and start again with the new bub!

I always have a peek on her just before I go to bed…I love seeing what sort of position she has chosen to sleep in!

I am now about 21 weeks pregnant and starting to definitely feel preggars! My tummy is quite definite and I am starting to fell a lot more movement. By this time with Gracie I was feeling movement all the time but it seems that this time the placenta is at the front (anterior) and cushioning the babies kicks! I seem to be able to feel them from the side or faintly from the front. My back is also starting to hurt and every now and then I have trouble with my sciatica on the left side. Apart from all that I feel great…I have to keep up with Gracie!

I am still feeding Gracie! We had a lovely moment the other night when I was feeding her bubs was kicking! I don’t think that it would have been strong enough for Gracie is realize but it was nice for me!

Well it’s still the 23rd but later in the evening! Gracie had her usual bedtime routine however something different happened! She came up to get her milk had 1 suck and came off laughing! This happened quite a few times! I kept on offering it to her and she would take a sip and then come off and laugh at me! I know that there was milk because every time that she came off I was leaking. She started doing this last night so I guess that she is weaning of this night feed! I’ll see how she goes tomorrow night and keep you updated!