Catching Babies

I'm 5 weeks into this semester and I'm still not sure how I'm going to fit everything in!  I thought last semester was busy, but this one is even worse and I'm having a great time but longing for some down time.  I've started shifts at the hospital, which has been amazing, but taking up so much time, that I've haven't even started any study yet.  I was rostered in birth suites for the first 2 weeks and was so lucky to have a beautiful birth on each shift.  On my first shift I cared for a woman from the beginning of her labour until about 4 hours postnatal - it was a wonderful spontaneous birth and I was lucky enough to catch the baby at birth.  I was buddied that time with a midwife that seemed to have a skewed idea of being "with woman" and spent most of the shift downstairs sucking on nicotine.  It was stressful for me at times, being in charge of monitoring (via doppler) interpreting and caring for the woman - mostly by myself, on my very first shift.  I felt like I was constantly looking for the midwife, so that she could teach and support me - but mostly having to just do it all myself. There was a shift change just before the woman birthed, so a new midwife was their for pushing.  I can't begin to describe the feeling of catching my very first baby!  Knowing that I was the first hands on a brand new baby, is such an honour and privilege and a moment that I hope to always respect.  Seeing that brand new family bond and meet their baby for the first time is just so beautiful and it almost feels like an intrusion to be there. 

The next shift I was also lucky enough to support a woman from the beginning of her labour to the end.  This time though, I had a wonderful midwife who was so kind and supportive and gave me lots of confidence.  I once again cared for the woman through the labour, but this time I knew that the midwife was close by and would be there instantly if I needed her.  A funny thing happened this time though.  We'd just examined the woman and she was 4 cm dilated.  About half hour later the midwife went out to the Midwives station to right the results on the board.  It was a quiet night and I was the only person in with a labouring woman, all the other Midwives and Dr's were sitting around talking and drinking coffee trying to stay awake during the night shift.  About half hour after the midwife left (so 1 hour after the examination) I started noticing signs of what I thought could have been second stage, which is time for pushing.  I thought during each contraction I could see parts of the head, but wasn't totally sure  as it was a first time mum and we'd only just assessed her an hour before as 4cm dilated.  A few other things had me questioning if it really was second stage though, so I walked out to the Midwives station (remember, it's my second shift and I've fronting up to all the midwives, Dr's etc here!) and said "I know we only just assessed her and I've probably being very presumptuous and over cautious, BUT I think I can see signs of second stage"  They all kinda looked at the board then looked back at me as if to say "Crazy student has no idea what she is talking about!"  The midwife I was with said, "Ok, I'll come have a look and then go for my break - baby may just be in a posterior position and giving early signs of pushing, but it's most likely not time yet"  She came in, checked her quickly then announced "You were right!  Head is on view"  Half an hour later I caught my second baby!

On another shift, I also made the rookie move of not getting gloves on quick enough.  It is drummed into our brain to "Never trust a Multip", So never trust a woman that has laboured before - I've definitely learnt that now!  I was with a fantastic midwife caring for a woman having her 3rd baby.  She'd just done an examination and she was 7cm.  I turned around to wash my hands and get some new gloves on, turned back and there was a head out laying on the bed - I missed that catch!!  All the midwives had a laugh about that and recalled there own stories of taking their eyes off the woman for a second and turning back to see a baby already there!  I'll hopefully never do that again.  Everything was fine though, and even though baby came out very quickly she had no tears - thank goodness!

I also had one of my follow throughs have a magical birth on Monday.  It was by far my favourite as I'd been able to do all her antenatal care and we had such a great relationship and understanding of each other by the time she was in labour.  I felt so comfortable in her birth, and having that connection antenatally made caring for her in labour so much more intuitive.  I was able to once again do all her care and support in the birth and catch her beautiful little baby.  The high after that birth was amazing and I can't believe that I get to feel so good doing my job.  Seeing her grow through the pregnancy and then watch that transition from woman to mother is such a special relationship to witness.  It is an absolute privilege to be there at that moment and I try very hard to be respectful of the new family whilst still going about doing all the things I need to do. 

I've got a couple of week in the Antenatal clinic now, so lots of talking, blood pressure, palpation's and education - which is certainly different for the highly emotional and sometimes full-on environment of birth suites.  I'm hoping that these few weeks won't be as busy though so I can finally start on my actual course work as I haven't even opened anything yet and I have a research literature review due in a few weeks followed by 2 more essays not long after.  I'm not stressed about the work though, I know I'll get it done.  It may not be at the standard I normally like to submit, but I realise now that my time on the shifts is where most of my learning will be happening and although my marks won't reflect how well I'm going clinically (it's just pass/fail) I will be gaining so much. 

Uni Update

Just wanted to not somewhere that I've got my first semester results back and I was pleasantly surprised!

3 Hd's - Thank-you very much!  I was quietly confidant that I had 2, but the third was not expected.  I thought I'd gone ok in the exam, but as it was a 70% exam and the other 30% was based on group-work, I wasn't expecting to do so well in the exam.  Seems I'm very bad at judging these things and ended up getting the 2nd highest exam mark for all the students.  Not bad for someone who spent the previous night tending to a sick little boy having a horrendous asthma attack!

It means I now have a very healthy GPA of 6.889 (damn that distinction in my very first semester!) and I'm very proud of myself.  I know that marks probably don't mean much in the long run, but right now, they are motivating. 

The next big step is starting 2 x 10-12 hour shifts EVERY week, starting in 2 weeks time.  I'm not even going to begin trying to work out how I'm going to juggle that, study plus I still have 4 women left to birth.  Eeek!

# 2 - What you wore today.

Today was a rarity for me.  I had no kids and no appointments to attend, so it was a day to stay home and study.  I only had to go out in the morning for school and pre-school drop off, something I could easily get away with in a t-shirt, jeans and my beloved birks.  These birks are the most comfortable shoes that my feet have had the pleasure of touching - little bits of heaven!  I know some say birks are ugly and old lady shoes - but I say try before you bag!  Isn't that right Miss Beck?  Funny that after the right royal bagging I got at a Mothers group dinner about the "ugly plank" shoes - most of the culprits went and ordered there own!  Ha! 

Anyway, so this was part of what I wore today whilst sitting outside in the winter sun, trying to understand the theory behind Pharmacokinetics  - really, really interesting.

1st June Photo Challenge - Self Portrait

The first day of the challenge is a self portrait.  I'm normally the one behind the lens, so it is a little out of my comfort zone to be on the other side.  I only had a few minutes this morning before leaving for the day, so I had a play working out settings, then gave the camera to Xav and said "shoot away".   So this is me - straight out of the shower (well, after getting dressed!).  Me in all my "bags under the eyes, uneven skin tone, dry lips and in the middle of a cold" glory!  I've never really been interested in make-up, but as I get older I'm thinking I might take it up!

30 day Photography Challenge

I on a blog stealing splurge at the moment!  All the cool kids are doing this, and I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon too - it looks like fun!  I probably don't have the time to be doing this, although it does appeal to my procrastinating side right now!

Student Midwife

I can't believe that I haven't blogged about this already, but I am now officially a Student Midwife!!!

My transfer approval came through the day before the flood disaster in Brisbane, so whilst I was over the moon about getting an offer, it didn't feel right getting so excited when such a tragedy was unfolding only an hour from here.

I was excited though, and thrilled that all my hard work last year finally paid off! I'll admit though, that I have had a few moments of thinking it all might be too hard and just sticking to nursing.  But, after talking to those that have done the nursing and then Midwifery, I'm once again convinced about sticking to what I really want.

I am now finished with all the boring nursing subjects and able to really get stuck into the exciting and challenging midwifery courses.  I also get to follow the journey of pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period with 30 women over the degree, 6 I have to do in the first year!  I'm nervous and excited how I'm going to fit it all in: prep drop-off, pre-school drop off, Uni, Wife, Mum, hospital shifts and being on call for births - some super organisation skills are going to have to be implemented!

There was also a little surprise on my Academic transcript when I last checked it (it seems obsessively looking at it keeps me motivated!)  An Academic Award for Excellence, it is given to everyone with a GPA over 6.00 - which equates to being in the top 5%!  So, something that I am very proud of.  Let's see if I can keep the momentum up now that the pressure of getting a good enough grade to transfer is no longer looming.

Results are in....

Well, official results for this semester have been released and I'm pleasantly surprised!  I was fairly confidant after both exams that I'd managed a distinction, but imagine my shock when I instead got 2 whopping, big fat High Distinctions!!  Of all the marks I have received so far, I am by far most proud of the HD for A&P.  It's a very challenging subject with a 30% failure rate, and HD's are scored rarely.  The science subjects are the ones I feared the most when I started, considering my last attempt at anything sciencey was back in year 8.  I'm just so thrilled that I managed to understand it all and pleased that all my hard work has paid off. 

So with these new marks, my GPA is 6.83 - Woohoo!!  I've done my absolute best, so now it's just up to the Midwifery decision makers as to whether I get a place or not.

Once the results had been posted, I've become mildly addicted to looking and admiring my academic transcript.  From the beginning of this year, my motivation was just to pass, but now I'm determined to never just pass - even that lonely distinction bugs me! 

So, Taa-daa.....My transcript so far:

Unofficial Transcript

ACADEMIC RECORD

Undergraduate

Bachelor of Nursing

Semester 1 - 2010

Bachelor of Nursing

Academic Load : Full-Time

1971NRS Commun & Assessment in Nursing 10CP      High Distinction

1972NRS Perspect Nurs, Hlth, Cult, Soc 10CP            High Distinction

1973NRS Psychosocial Health Lifespan 10CP              High Distinction

1974MSC Anatomy and Physiology 1 10CP                 Distinction

Semester 2 - 2010

Bachelor of Nursing

Academic Load : Part-Time

1506NRS Life Science 1 for Midwives 10CP               High Distinction

1975MSC Anatomy and Physiology 2 10CP                High Distinction

Total Credit 60CP

Cumulative GPA 6.83

End of Transcript

Shakespeare to Schoolies - a clash of culture.

Yesterday I had a catch up at a wonderful park with 3 of my study friends from Uni.  These 3 women have definitely been the highlight of Uni for me and I really value their blossoming friendships.  Even though I've only known them for not even a year, it feels longer than that.  I think growing the friendship under the stress of assignments and exams has put our closeness at a deeper level. 

So, yesterday was spent with the children running around the park playing whilst we chatted and reminisced over the year that was.  We munched on fresh cherries and macadamia's, under much less intense circumstances than our recent study sessions.  It was lovely to talk about more than study, and really get to know how wonderful all these women are.  I'm so fortunate that I landed with such and awesome, strong and different group - and I'm actually really sad that I probably won't be joining them next year.

Margo, who undoubtedly is the most complex and awe-inspiring person I have ever met, invited us along to her Nieces play that night.  She warned us it was Shakespeare, and Tanya and I admitted we'd never been to a see any "Thou for art" plays before.  We were willing to give it a go though, with the promise that our 2 cultured friends would translate and fill in the gaps.

After arriving late and missing the start, the first half of the play was very confusing.  I'd missed vital information, added to that was all the elaborate language and my head was beginning to hurt.  Intermission I was filled in on what I'd missed, and then the second half made a lot more sense!  I was a bit nervous at the start, but in then end I really enjoyed it.  I'm even inspired to attempt to read some Shakespeare and acquaint myself with the beautiful language he used.  They have been having the plays in the park for the last few years, so I'll be definitely going along next year - but taking a rug, cheese platter and a few bottles of wine to really embrace the experience.

It finished about 10pm, so we figured we'd head out for coffee afterwards.  Problem was nothing close was open, so we all piled into the torago and headed into Broadbeach with the plan of stopping at Starbucks for an hour or so.

Well, the lure of a nice glass of wine trampled all over the coffee option, so we walked straight past Starbucks and into a restaurant with a comfortable couch, cushions and wine list.  2 bottles of Rose later, and conversations flowed.  Margo revealed a little more about herself, and gave us all a deeper look into her life.  She is amazing.  Karen (the young gorgeous one of the bunch!) was approached by a nice young fellow, so she spent the rest of the time getting to know him....really well.

The restaurant closed up, the nice young fellow was ditched, Margo and Tanya decided to take up smoking and we all declared the night was not ready to be over.  So, our next stop was Surfers.  This time of the year, is Schoolies up here, so probably not the best idea for us more "mature" women to head into the heart of teenager craziness.  The last time I was in the middle of that, was my Hen's night 10 years ago. That in itself is a story that I should tell...later.

I wasn't dressed or prepared to be bracing the Surfers nightclub - but none of us were, so we decided to not give a shit and just have a great time.  It was a lot of fun.  Karen the 23 y/o party animal was having a rip roaring time busting her moves on the dance floor.  Margo, who has only this past year come out of recluse and had NEVER been to Surfers was loving it. She has this amazing ability to just be who she is, and not care one little bit about what anyone thinks - such an admirable and wise trait. 

We stayed there till 2am, us oldies relatively sober and having a wonderful time in the midst of all the schoolies, who were obvious in there attempts at making fun of us.  We didn't care though, having to much fun to let it bother us.

On the walk back to the car, we all eagerly booked in another night.  I'm not sure if our spontaneous one will ever be matched though, but we will give it a go.  It was just one of those rare and special moments, with no expectations and no plans - just FUN.

Schools back!

Well, my days of freedom are over and I'm back at Uni.

I started back at the GC campus on Tuesday, with a wonderful first day! Heart dissections straight up - so interesting! You know when you're a fully fledged anatomy student if you can talk with your lab partner about tonight's dinner menu, whilst trying to locate the atrioventricular valves of a fresh sheep's heart specimen - and not blink an eye! We then got to prick our fingers and fill up little viles of blood and have it spun to check the composition. We also checked our blood under a microscope, and using some chemicals, had to work out our blood type. I alrady knew I was o+, but it was interesting working it all out.

I've actually had a fantastic introduction to semester 2, with placenta dissections last week for the Anatomy for Midwifery subject and then today's heart. That was fascinating, but still felt a little wrong to be pulling apart something that less than 24 hours before was a little newborns home. At the lab we also had to estimate blood loss on a range of hospital linen. There was a station set up with a pad, towel, bed sheet, bluey and nightie - all soaked in blood and we had to estimate how many ml's it would be. It was a lot harder to guess accurately than I thought, as everything absorbs differently. I got all mine within 50ml's, so not a bad effort for the first go.

The 2 intensive days I did with the Midwifery students were fantastic. Apart from the placenta's, there was also a lecture on conception and embryology - fascinating! One other part that got me all excited was the lecture on anatomy and physiology of lactation. Breastfeeding is one of my passions and studying to be a lactation consultant is something that I'd love to go on and do. There is so much about lactation that we do know - but way more that we don't. How the body works just blows me away. As much as I'm loving this subject, I'm finding it really hard to get motivated now that the rest of the course in online. I'm supposed to have completed module one this week, but I'm been stuffing around with it and really need to just get it started. My excuse is that I'm waiting for the textbook, so hopefully that arrives soon so I can get it into it. I'm also trying to arrange regular study sessions with some of the other students, I need interaction and people to bounce things off. It seems I'm not much of learner by myself.

I'm really liking being back on campus for A & P and catching up with all my study buddies. I've hooked up with some lovely people that are all high achievers, so that satisfies my competitive side. It keeps us all motivated and encouraging of each other to do well. One of the women is a single 50? year old, with no kids. She quit her job as a political journalist to study nursing as she wanted to do something meaningful. She is amazingly intelligent, and completely eccentric! She is great though, and really eager to study and do well. However, she's tough to sit beside, as she gave up smoking and drinking just before the start of semester 1 and spends the whole lecture tapping her feet. I've had to yell at her to stop a few times, as my writing starts being affected with the constant moving. She also told me yesterday that she has anxiety, and in the absence of coffee, cigarettes and alcohol she uses magnum ice-creams as her vice. Sounds normal right? Well, no she then went on to say that she needs 7!!!!!! I thought she meant this as a one off, but no - she's said she did this 3 or 4 times over the semester break whenever she had a freak out!! Now, I'm a lover of all things chocolate, especially all things ice-cream covered in chocolate - but I even think 2 in a row would be my absolute limit. Blimey, 7! She's fun though, and I'm heading out tonight with her and a few others for on of the girls birthdays.

I'm really enjoying being back though, and giving the brain a work-out after the break. Doing only 2 subjects this semester is going to seem like a breeze compared to the 4 I did last semester. I'll actually be able to fit in a life around studying - bonus!

People power!

Last Thursday night, the birth centre that I had Xav at was abruptly closed down. The crazy big wigs of the hospital even fell so low as to try to evict a birthing Mum and transfer her from the birth centre into the normal delivery suite. Thankfully, the Midwife stood up for the woman, and she went on to happily birth her baby.

Once the word was out that the BC had been closed, the phone tree sprung into action. Phones and computers went into overdrive as everyone who has ever had anything to do with the BC were notified and a rally was organised for 11am the next day. Facebook played a big part in bringing everyone to the cause, and providing a place for arrangements to be made. I cancelled my day of baking and cake decorating, instead taking the kids to rally against such a stupid decision.

I was blown away by how many people had turned out to fight for the Bc to be re-opened, the official number was about 500! Amazing, considering it was at 11am - just 18 hours after the announcement to close had been made. We rallied and chanted, most in disbelief that it had happened so suddenly and unsure if our voices would be heard. The CEO of the hospital came out to speak at one point, his speech full of politically correct language but no specific reason for the closure. He agreed to a meeting with about 50 - made up on midwives, Academics and women. I was lucky enough to be given a heads up to where it was, so Trude and I headed off with the kids to join in.

The CEO explained that the senior Ob's of the hospital had pulled their support of the BC, and as one of the "rules" to setting up the BC in 2006 was that it had an Ob overseeing it - he said he had no other choice than to close it. It was also revealed that the Ob who is extremely supportive of the BC and is the one that mostly oversees it, was away on holidays. I wasn't sure who's strategic move this was, but I later found out that this Ob was furious that this had been done whilst he was away, and was still supportive of the BC. Seems there must be a little unrest between the Ob team.

Anyway, we left the meeting still not convinced that it would be reopened soon. But later that night I received a message from my Midwife that it has been re-opened and the CEO had called for a review of ALL maternity services in the hospital! He also apologised for the distress the closure had caused, especially to the poor women and families due around now. Gosh, if it happened 3 years ago, it would have really jeopardised my fantastic birth of Xav. I always buy the paper on the kids birthdays to be put away for when they are older, this one will be very memorable with the rally dominating the front page!

It's still not a perfect outcome, there is a anxiousness that if it happened once, it may happen again. So many birth activists are encouraging us all to keep this issue alive and make sure that the powers in charge are aware that we won't just sit back and watch such a wonderful Midwifery care program be closed down.

I also attended the friends of the BC meeting on the Monday following the rally. The original instigator of the BC opening spoke and explained about the review and how they would like a consumer on the panel. Me, being in a post-euphoric, save the world rally haze decided that I'd love to do it.

So now I'm nervous as hell. Our first meeting is on Monday and I'll be one of 6 representing the BC. 2 of the other women are homebirth midwives that are so well known and respected in the birthing community. One is big in the political side of birthing and was responsible for the BC being opened. So, yes a little daunting.

I just feel it's such an important issue (both the BC and birth choices), so I'm playing my little part of making that point.

Some links about the issue:

Rally

Reopens

Article in Weekend Bulletin

Change of plans....

The last few days my whole study plans have been turned all upside down. I was all planned to take 2 or 3 of the nursing subjects, and looking forward to another 3 leisurely weeks of break until I e-mailed the Midwifery Convener to ask her opinion on which of the Nursing subjects would be best to enrol in. She replied on Thursday with a response that I'd never expect in my wildest dreams. She's offered for me to take 1 or 2 of the Midwifery subjects at Logan with the Midwifery students!! I'm stunned, but flattered and after freaking out a bit, I"m taking her up on the offer. I've decided to just do the 1 subject of Mid and the other Anatomy nursing subject, so just the 2 for this semester. But instead of my break, this course starts on MONDAY!!! It's really flexible though, I only have to go to uni on the 12th July and the 22nd July, and everything else in on-line and self-deirected.

It doesn't meant that I'm in to Midwifery yet, I still have to do really well and maintain at least a 6 GPA, which is roughly a distinction level. It just means that I'm doing a subject that I'll get credit for and FINALLY I get to do something pregnancy/birth related. I've just had a quick look at the course outline, and we will be doing a placenta dissection - way, way cooler than the rat!

I'm so nervous about it though. It's going to be a tough subject, covering the anatomy and physiology of reproduction, pregnancy, birth and the newborn. The mid students have done a condensed Anatomy which covered the whole 12 systems briefly in 6 months, whereas the one I'm doing covers them over 1 year. So, I haven't even touched on reproduction systems. I am reading the chapter over the weekend and hoping that I can at least have a basic knowledge and bluff my way through. It will work out great for end of semester though, as I'll be studying reproduction in both courses and hopefully it'll help in exams.

I'm also really nervous about being the new one in the group. There are 50 people already started Midwifery, and no doubt all formed friendships and may be hard to break into. I do know 1 girl though, so I'll just super glue myself to her and hopefully it'll be fine and they'll be nice. The other thing that worries me is that in nursing there is a lower entrance rank, which means lots of students that don't do as well. However, in the midwifery the rank was ridiculously high and mostly the people that got in have previous degrees and therefore a higher standard. I'm just hoping that I can still do well in such a high standard group.

Anyway, all that aside I'm still stoked that on Monday I'll be starting my first Midwifery subject!

Semester 1 results

Woohoo results are up and I'm pleasantly surprised.

After feeling like I flunked one exam after a very blase attempt at study, I actually did alright. I ended up with a Distinction for Anatomy and Physiology, and High Distinctions for the 3 other subjects. So, a GPA of 6.75 - with 7 being the top, I'm really happy with that!

I'm finding it a bit hard to comprehend that I've completed a full time semester at Uni and done ok. Out of the 11 assessment items this semester, I managed to pull off 8 High distinctions and 3 Distinctions - not bad for a "mature age" student!! After the first few results, I figured I just got lucky. Maybe I fluked it, but now, I'm thinking I might be able to do this - successfully!

It's been tough, but doable. My whole family has had a big adjustment to make, but it seems we have come to the other side relatively unscathed. Now, this could just be a semester break fantasy here, far away from the many stressful moments over the last 5 months!

I've actually decided to only do 2 subjects next semester. With the subjects I have already done, I've got a selection rank of 88, and I need a 90 to get into Midwifery. If I do 4 more subjects, I'd get in easily. But I don't want to just do subjects to do that, if I can get away with less subjects. It means less time, less money and less stress. I figure if I do 2 subjects, and do really well It'll give me 94. It also gives me a little room for movement, just in case I don't do as well. I could get 2 credits and still have a rank of 92, which should be good enough. I'm also happy with the alternative if I don't get into Midwifery. I'll just keep plodding along with Nursing (which I actually quite enjoy!), and I'll just swap between full time and part time as the need arises. I'll then look into dong Midwifery post grad.

Either way is going to suit be fine! And it means that Grace's last year at home, will be relatively easy and stress free. Also, her first year at school (sob, sob!!) depending on what course I'm doing, I'll be only doing 1 or 2 subjects. Perfect.

It might take me a while, but I'm on the way!

Sleep time

For about the last 6 months both kids have been asking for extra special treatment at bedtime. Xav, at about 7.30pm, always comes and asks me to take him to bed. He spends the whole day idolising his father, but come nighttime, it's his Mummy that he wants.

He then heads to the toilet, then bathroom to brush his teeth and we meet back in his room. He's usually picked out a few books, so we snuggle into his bed and start reading. After 5 or so books, I'm usually over reading and by then he's asking for me to tell him a story. I have 2 stories that I've made up and they have evolved over time, just for Xav. Ones about a little boy that wants to fly and one day grows wings, the other is about a little boy (see a theme?) who finds a magic fairy door in the garden. He loves both of them, and never tires of hearing either story every night.

~~Grubby hands and blankies~~

After I've finished the story, he rolls over and grabs his blankie for a cuddle. Then I get a request to either pat his back, run my fingers through his hair or lightly touch his back with my finger tips. Ok, I may be setting him up here for future fetishes here! But he loves all of them, and asks that I keep going until his asleep - I oblige. The lightly touching his back thing is a bit odd though. I just can't believe that it doesn't tickle him, instead sending him into a relaxed, docile trance. He often wanders up to Duane or I during the day asking for the back strokes too.

I love doing any of the above and watching him drift off to sleep. It's one of my all time favourite things - watching a child nodding off to dreamland. It's the beautiful moment as their body relaxes and they drift off - Bliss.....

Whilst all the above is happening, Grace has her Daddy performing much the same. They read some books and then Duane lays on her bed and they cuddle until she's asleep too.

We do sometimes mix it up, but for mostly I stick to Xav and Duane goes with Grace. It's become our quiet one-on-one with each child, and it's precious. Duane and I both do it eagerly and there is never any resentment for bedtime taking so long, sometimes we can be in there up to an hour. Mostly if it's taken this long though, it means the adult has fallen asleep too!

Now with all these lovely, relaxing night time rituals you'd think that they'd stay in their own beds all night? Nope, usually around the early hours of the morning (3-5am) we have 2 little bed buddies creep in. We barely even wake when they come in now, either they have improved their stealth qualities or we are learning to sleep through the disruption!

Xav cuddles into me and Grace snuggles in with her Daddy. Xav holds my hand as we sleep, which I just adore. Also, every day he picks a moment to tell me that we had lovely cuddles last night. Just today he thanked me for our last night snuggles as I buckled him into his seat - Just Adorable.

Duane and I both know it's not something we'll be doing forever, so we take the moments when we can.

**I probably should note here that the above photos weren't quite the tranquil picture they paint. Xav had a wonderful meltdown the other day, as he was tired and wanted to just lay on the couch watching a Dvd. I said no, which resulted in said meltdown. He was going crazy and throwing himself around, so I bear hugged him and reminded him to take deep breaths until his body softened. He then stomped off to his bedroom (still yelling about the injustice of it all) and layed down on his floor and went to sleep. It's just what Xav does when he has a rare meltdown, takes himself off for a rest.

July List

I'm at home alone, a complete rarity. I really should be getting more familiar with neuro-muscular junctions and the specifics of the central and peripheral nervous system, instead I'm procrastinating. I've unpacked the dishwasher, loaded up the washing machine, defrosted spaghetti bolognaise for lunch and been day dreaming about all the fun things I have planned for 12 days time. In 12 days I'll have a month of from studying and I CAN'T WAIT!!!

So, I've given myself half and hour to think about and write down everything I want to do in my time off, then I'm hitting the books hard. Apparently. Until the next wonderful opportunity to procrastinate comes along.

My July list:

• Scour op-shops for sweet and funky little handmade pottery containers. The kids and I have been dabbling in making pure beeswax candles, which has been a lot of fun. I have a big slab of sweet smelling beeswax, ready to be melted down and made into special pot candles for presents and tapering candles for the table. I also want to make a special birthday candle for each of the kids, that can be used on their special day.
  
• Speaking of birthdays, apparently my littlest baby is turning 3 in 26 days. So apart from being in total denial that he is getting bigger, I really need to get a start on his party organisation. He has requested a racing car cake and he'd also like a racing car to come visit. Errr....I don't think I can arrange that Xav! I am thinking about a car themed party, and maybe making some pretend cars out of big cardboard boxes with little straps that can go over the kids shoulders. Maybe it's a bit out of my scope of capabilities, but I'll give it a go.
  
• I also have to make Xav's birthday crown. I'm packing that to take when we go camping (along with many other little crafty projects!). He's picked out the colours, but we are still in discussions on the final pattern for the front. Xav's tossing up between a star or a tree.
  
• Yes, that was not a typo. We are going camping in winter for 5 nights. We've had a few chilly nights and days over the last week, and I'm starting to actually get a bit nervous about camping in the cold. I've stocked up on thermals and new flanalette pj's for the kids and I'm hoping that lots of layers accompanied by hot water bottles and their thick sleeping bags will be enough. Who am I kidding anyway! Of course the kids will want to jump in with us half way through the night and steal our body warmth! I'm very excited about taking the kids to Australia Zoo and underwater world, which I know they will love!
  
• I have a large piece of pure silk and some gorgeous natural dyes, and I'm hoping to dye it in a rainbow pattern for my little rainbow fairy. The last time we did dying, it was so much fun so I can't wait to give it another go.
  
• Ever since I made Lucie's little crystal cave, Grace has been begging for one of her own. I've got everything cut out and ready to make up, so once I've got time we are going to make it up together. Grace loves helping with crafty things, so she's going to be on needle felting duty and also head designer.
  
• We made paper lanterns last week, with beautiful autumn leaves pressed into them. The kids and Grandma have been busy searching for sticks and fallen leaves for some more that we are making. I was hoping to have them done for winter solstice, but that is next Monday, so unless I don't sleep at all this weekend it's not going to happen. Maybe we can just pretend it's in the week Duane has off and we can do our little celebrations then? I have big plans for a bonfire and us all sitting together as a family toasting marshmallows, not sure how keen Duane will be for the fire though. Party pooper!
  
• I have a long list in my head of yummy things I want to bake and freeze. Muffins, slices, biscuits are high up the list as well as stews and curries for those night next semester when I just can't be fussed cooking.
  
• I have 3 more little cloth books that I want to make up.
  
• My vegie garden needs lots of love. The tomato plants are overgrown and need to be ripped out. I've planted some seeds in my seedling containers, and they are all on track for being planted out in the next few months. So hopefully we'll have a beautiful harvest of vegetable coming into Autumn. Grace's fairy garden also needs a bit of maintenance, so I'll help her spruce that up too.
  
• I can't wait to get reacquainted with my wonderful camera. It's spent way too much time alone lately, and I'm eager to start capturing again. Miss Lucie is overdue for her 1st birthday shoot, so that's a priority. My kids also surely must be having withdrawals from having a camera in their face all the time, so I must fix that.
  
• Apart from all these wonderful things, the most precious moments that I am looking forward to is just being with the kids. I'm longing for the mornings where we can and will just lay in bed chatting and giggling. With no need to rush out the door, just be together. Snuggled up with a pile of books, Grace insisting we read the fairy ones and Xav pushing for the car ones. Not leaving bed or each others arms, until our bellies are grumbling. Duane won't miss out either, as he has taken 2 weeks off work.

Right, so now that's all out of my head I really should get back to studying.....

Down the drain....

I go to uni 4 days a week, and on those days don't have the luxury of using a handbag. Instead I lob all my crap important study material around in a very stylish Nokia back pack that I got as a promotion with my Nokia phone. Ironic.

So instead of putting my Nokia phone in my Nokia backpack during the day at school, I put it in my pocket. Otherwise I'm fishing around in a black hole looking for it and also so I can put it on silent/vibrate so I can feel it and get a little thrill when it rings. Kidding.......kinda.

Anyway, so I have been putting it in my back pocket as it's quite large (the phone, as well as the size of my back pocket to fit my glutteus maximus in) and it gets scrunched in my front pocket as I'm generally sitting on my butt all day diligently studying. Well, I'm also busy making my arse bigger from the 2 for 1 specials on the chocolate bars in the school canteen. Anyway....

So yesterday I head to the toilet. Do my business and stand up, when I hear a thud. I look down and my phone has fallen to the ground, missing the toilet bowl my millimetres. I pick it up and laugh at how horrible that would be if it had fallen in. I'm thanking my lucky stars that it didn't happen, but also thinking that from now on I won't be risking it and leaving my phone in my back pocket. You see where this is going????

Today I headed once again for a toilet stop. Just as I'm standing and pulling up my pants, I hear a familiar thud. But this time followed by a splash. CRAP!! I screamed to my study partner in the next cubicle, she didn't reply with ANY constructive advice. She just laughed, and laughed and laughed.

Right about now I'm thankful for my bodies self imposed rule of only weeing when I'm out.

I was yelling "What do I do?, What do I do??" "OMG, I'm going to have to put MY hand in MY OWN WEE"

So, I just closed my eyes and dived right in and grabbed the fully submerged phone laying at the bottom of the bowl. I then quickly ran out to the sink, with my pants still partly down, and threw it on the counter. I washed and washed my hands and then got some paper towel to start drying off the phone. I really wanted to rinse it, but figured that adding extra water at this stage was probably only going to make things worse. So I patted it dry, trying to ignore that all the water coming out was not in fact pure water.

So, the rest of the afternoon was spent alternating between trying to dry the damn thing out and me obsessively using the anti-bacterial wash at Uni. I did try to turn it on, but it just flicked and then conked out.

I've since consulted Dr google, and apparently I've pretty much ruined any chances of it being resurrected as I tried to turn it on too early. Advice given by others in a similar predicament means that my precious phone is now resting in a Tupperware dish covered in rice. It's apparently my only hope now of drying it all out.

I feel so out of touch not having my phone around. Apart from the usual numbers, texts and calls, I've also been using it as my diary and all my reminders are in there.

Seems the universe does speak in whispers, even about a damn phone.

Phew! First one down!

Well I've just crossed one of my University milestones and sat my very first exam. I've had 2 quizzes already and a reference portfolio, and although they are all assessable, it's the exams that are scary! It was a tough exam too, Anatomy, which has a really high failure rate. Eeeekkkk!!!!

I've put in the work though, so I'm expecting to at least pass. I'd love to say I'm aiming for D's or even HD's, but really I'm not prepared to put that sort of pressure on myself at the moment. I'll find out in about 2 weeks how I went, which will also give me an idea about how well I'll have to do in the next anatomy exam. They break Anatomy up halfway and then have an exam, otherwise if it was left to the end of the semester it would be such a huge and comprehensive exam and a high chance that everything at the start would be forgotten. So what we were examined on today will not be re-examined, just all the new content that we learn from now on. SO MUCH TO LEARN!!!!

I've got a very busy few weeks coming up. There is another exam next Saturday for Psychosocial, an essay due in 2 weeks, a group presentation in 2 weeks and then another exam in 2 weeks. I just can't believe how quick the time is flying and how suddenly the assessments are due. I'm probably about half way through my essay, and I've promised myself that tomorrow I'll dedicate to getting that nearly finished. I need all next week to cram for my next exam, as I've dedicated most of my study time to anatomy, to the detriment of the other 3.

Apart from the stress of all the assessments, I'm still really enjoying studying. It's great getting the mind active and learning new and interesting things. It's just finding the right balance that is tough, and something that I'm working on.

The kids are great. Loving spending the time with Grandma. Xav has 2 days by himself just with Wendy, and they love getting out and about together. Wendy took him along on Tuesday to get her blood tests done, which I thought was very brave of her, but she said he is a perfect child with her and she loves all the comments she gets about how well behaved he is. She says she is constantly stopped when she has the kids and told how well mannered they both are, which she loves. She had the kids today whilst I had my exam and Duane played in the Club Championship for golf, and even braved taking them on a bus trip! Granted, it was only a 5 minute trip to the shops, but still a courageous move! The kids loved it and have made Grandma promise that there will be more bus adventures. They have a bus/train trip planned for next Thursday, where they are heading to Westfield and Duane will pick everyone up at the end.

My already low housework standards have had to take another slip down the ladder. This past week has been frantic and there are a long list of household chores that we will all need to catch up on tomorrow. The washing machine has even had to go quicker to keep up, and it's been mainly used on express wash, just to get everything done in the limited available time. Duane is spending most afternoons taking the kids to the park and wearing them out, only doing "boy cleans" around the house, so plenty to catch up on.

Last weeks camping trip was beautiful and relaxing. It was timed perfectly too, exactly when we needed to regroup and spend some quality time together. The Il's came along too, so baby sitters a-plenty when I needed to study. I did get a little bit done, but didn't stress too much about concentrating on it too much cause I really needed some time with the kids.

It's another busy week coming up, best get back to it.

What have I learnt so far?

Well, it's 5 days into my 3 plus years of uni and WOW what an eye-opening adventurer.
The work load is MASSIVE, and I'm really not sure there are going to be enough hours in the day to fit it all in. I'll try, very hard, but I'm going to have to let a few things slip. First to go is the housework, my house is already starting to resemble a disaster zone and it's only been 5 days. Lucky I have a wonderful husband who is doing his utmost best to do as much as he can when he gets home from work.

Anyway, what have I learnt so far?

1. That parking sucks, especially in the rain and when there is work around the campus. My first day I left home an hour before I had to be there and only just made it with minutes to spare. The traffic is shocking, I had to park a 20 minute walk away and it was pouring with rain. I sloshed my way from the car to the campus, mud flicking up my back from my very un-wise choice of footwear - thongs.


2. Carrying my books to and from the car (remembering it's a 20 minute walk each way) is about the same weight as carrying a 20kg toddler, except you can't put the books down and bribe them to walk the rest of the way. I'm considering taking the pram from now on, but not sure if that will make me too obvious to the "head flushing" gang? I carried back yesterday 3 books, trying to balance them on my hip whilst keeping the umbrella in the right position to hold back the torrential rain and not wet the books I'd just loaned from the library. I hobbled back the the car, dying to put something down for a break, but couldn't as the ground was a muddy, sloppy mess. I finally got back to the car then had to struggle into my bag to get the keys, finally getting them and unlocking the car, only to drop the library books in a heap onto the ground. Great.


3. The school leavers are in a total world of there own. I've can't help but roll my eyes as I overhear them talking about having to be "up so early", like 10am - to get to a 11am lecture. Hard to feel any sympathy for them, especially since a) I'd been up with the kids since 5 am and b) in the next breathe they are talking about having a big night in Surfers. Also listening to them giggle and chat ALL THROUGH the lectures is very annoying, but the lecturers don't take any crap and have already started putting them in their place. It's funny in the lecture theatres, the ages of the students gets progressively older the further away from the front. All the mature ager's are nice and keen up the front (or, just need to be close for eyes/ears!) and the younger ones are up the back socialising.


4. That Anatomy and Physiology are the subjects to be feared, all the 2nd and 3rd year students are still petrified by the classes, even though they never get examined on it again. It's just such a large course, with so much to learn. It's basically trying to learn another language in 4 months!
   
5. That my camera/sewing machine/embroidery machine are pretty much just going to be lovely ornaments over the semester. I'm barely going to have time to brush my hair, let alone spending luxury time getting the perfect picture or whipping up something on the machines. I have got a few little craft jobs on the go though, they should satisfy my need for creativity.
   
6. I obviously excrete some pheromone that attracts Canadian exchange students. Nicole and I met Heather from British Colombia, Canada in year 11 and then spent the next few years saving frantically to go visit. Which we did, twice. Anyway, I was waiting in line to get my student Id and got talking to the girl behind me. Canadian and over here to do the 3 years Bach of Nursing. We ran into each other a few other times, and get along really well so have decided to buddy up as study partners. She isn't in any of my tutorials, just the lectures, but it's really nice to have someone to talk to and get ideas from. She's younger than me, I'm guessing about 22, but a lovely girl who really wants to do well! Yay for a familiar face in a sea of 300!!
   
7. That is is very interesting, and I am actually excited about using my brain for something mentally challenging.
   

Who compromises the most?

What happens if 1 partner is happy and content with 2 children, has absolutely no desire to have a 3rd, is ready to move on from nappies and nights of lost sleep BUT the other partner looks around and knows that there is a baby missing from the family pictures?

Who 'wins' this showdown?

Yep, we had the chat. No, it didn't go well. Yep, he is happy to not have anymore children. No, I am not happy to end my baby making days.

I see his point, I really do. I know that we are better of financially with only 2 children, but money is never going to fill that tiny place in my heart that I have reserved for my 3rd baby. I know that our house is small, it's an averaged sized 3 bedroom house with only the one bathroom. It's fine now, but as the kids get older I'm sure it'll get a little cramped - especially lining up for the toilet or waiting for Grace (or Xav!) to finish blow drying their hair. That also doesn't stop that lump at the back of my throat when I dare to think of never having another baby.

My heart rules my head on this one. No amount of practical thinking is going to override my overwhelming desire for a 3rd baby. But what do we do if Duane is so adamant that the baby making days are behind us? He's excited to move onto the next stages with the kids, they are both at great ages now and life is really easy.

I know that sooner or later all these things are going to have to be the very last, I can't keep having babies. Well, the Duggars did - but I highly doubt that if I can't convince Duane for 1 more, I'll never get another 16!

But right now, I can't imagine never feeling those first flutters, never tickling a little foot wedged under my ribs, never again waiting anxiously for the first signs of labour, never having my slippery and slick newborn put on my chest, never having milky night cuddles together, never watching my baby learn to toddle and never again celebrating a 1st b'day for one of my babies.

Of course, it's not just the lose of baby things that upsets me, It's just that these are bits that I would haven't have again from now. If I'm still aching for another child in 10 years time, I would be missing all the previous stages too. It's just right now, I know what it is like to have a newborn or toddler or preschooler so I'll miss that.

Maybe I just got him at a bad time? Maybe him actually saying Nope, all done no more was actually just a side effect from the lack of sleep?

My timing was all off, that's the problem! I shouldn't have approached the conversation as he tried to rest in the afternoon after a restless week of night wakings, what with Grace vomiting in the first half of the week and Xav coughing and wheezing the other - the poor guy is barely lucid! Oh, and next time I start nagging bring up the subject, I'll be sure that there aren't any kids around AT all - especially not a 2.5 y/o in the corner that has perfected the art of the most annoying tantrum.

It's not like I want the baby right now. I just need to know that within the next few years, there is a chance that another baby is coming our way.

Normally with Duane, I get my way most of the time. However, this is one thing I don't want to force. If he remains 100% comfortable with never having more kids, I think I'll have to give up my dream. Will that create resentment? I'm not sure. Will he resent me if he we do go ahead and have a 3rd, when he's already said he wants no more? I'm not sure.

Foster care is something else that I am considering. There is a serious lack of foster carer's and unfortunately way to many children need the services. I would love to be able to help in that way, even if it meant heartbreak in handing children back. The help we as a famiy could give to a child, would over ride any sadness we could ever feel. Anyway, something that I'll look into after I've settled into uni.

"You'll never regret the child you have" How much faith do we put in that reasoning?

If all else fails, I'll just have to resort to withdrawing all marital relations as ransom. Fair deal?

Changing minds...

I have something that I have to admit. It's kinda hit me a bit from left field, and I'm still processing it myself.

If somebody had said I'd be thinking this, even as close as 2 weeks ago, I'd say they were nuts and must know absolutely nothing about me to come to that conclusion.

But. Things change, life happens and our experiences taint our future.

I'm thinking about doing the whole Bach of Nursing, and then doing Midwifery as Post grad. EEEEeeeeeeKKKKKK! !!!!!!

See, totally not expected right?

After being in hospital with Grace this week, I watched the nurses and pondered whether I could do their job. I'm not sure I'd want to work in emergency, but I can definitely see myself in paediatrics.

I've been thinking, that maybe not getting into Midwifery is actually a good thing? Crikey, did I just say that?????????????

Is this what they mean by everything happens for a reason? The Midwifery course was 2 weeks full time from the 1st Feb, and after everything that happened last week, I would of had to take it off anyway. Seems things really do work out for the best.

This doesn't mean that my absolute first passion isn't Midwifery, it still is. It's just that I'm thinking it might not be a bad idea to have a back up, something to turn too if the politics of birthing get all too much and I need somewhere else to go. I know that nursing, especially with babies/children will be stressful and sad, but I honestly think that it is something that I would enjoy.

So, at the moment, I've decided to do the 3 year Bach of Nursing and then do a post grad position to become a midwife. That would mean that I'll be paid for the Mid training and would end up being a registered Nurse and Midwife, and would allow me to then go on to study to be a Child health Nurse - another career I have considered.

I'd also be able to take on paid work as an assistant nurse from 2nd year onwards, which would help us financially. It would also fit well into my plans for another baby, as the nursing degree would be much more flexible in studying part-time and fitting in extra subjects over summer school. Duane and I need to have the him trying to convince me 2 is enough and me begging for a 3rd conversation, to work out when best a new little bubba will fit into our family.

So there it is. I've made the decision, and unless I start study and absolutely hate the nursing side of things - this is what I'll do. It also takes the pressure off having to study full-time this year in order to get a good enough score to get into Mid. I'm still going to attempt full-time, but if in the first few weeks I find it way too much, I'll pull out of 1 or 2 subjects before census date.


Of course this decision has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the crazy amount of ridiculously good looking and endearing Dr's we met on our travels. No way, not at all - I'm way to deep and non-superficial for such thoughs. If that was the case, Duane would be signing up for study - he was the one in the end rating the hotness of Mc Sweet, Mc Steamy and Mc Charming.......

New Moon

Nicole, Trudy and I treated ourselves yesterday to big swish arm chairs and lots of candy.

Eye candy, that is.

Oh, dear I am sure 17 year old boys were NEVER that damn hot or romantic back in my day. I'm sure at that age they were still in the be "be mean to the one you like" phase. Seems things have changed.

The movie was awesome and filmed way better than Twilight, plus there were lots of buffed bod shirt-off scenes in this one. Feels slightly wrong to be lusting over teenagers, but I know every single other women that watches it will too. Just as I'm fairly certain many of those women went home to their middle-aged life and dreamt of one of the men, casting them self as the love interest. Hmm....or was that just me?

Jacob is HOT, but Edwards the one I'd be choosing. Putting aside all his controlling, manipulative, abusing tendencies - he really is the perfect guy. Of course, you will have to accept that look that he gives you, you don't interpret as love - it's probably hunger.

All that aside, it's a beautiful love story and I can't wait until my kids are old enough to read them. I think anything (within reason) that gets the teenagers reading and passionate about it, can only be a good thing.

I'm just about to start reading New Moon again, it's firmly tucked in my camping bag and all ready for some late night reading by lamp light. Yay!