Feeding Xav

~~Xav feeding 7 months~~

Xav being the sweet boy that he is, decided to have one last feed. He hadn't fed or woke for 3 nights, but then on the fourth night he woke at 4.30am. Duane bought him into our bed, thinking that he would just snuggle in and drift back off to sleep.

I rolled over and cuddled him close, enjoying the warmth of his soft chubby skin. He pushed me away, threw his dummy to the other end of the bed, rubbed his fingers together and started saying, "Mmmm, Mmmm, Mmmmm" Which is what he always said when he wanted milk. He then started nuzzling around and trying to pull my top up.

I fed him, and we both enjoyed it.

I layed there staring at my beautiful little boy - somehow knowing that this would be our last feed. I held his little toddler hand in mine, rubbing my thumb in his palm. He rhythmically kicked his legs under the covers, his eyes getting heavy and sleepy. After he was done he went searching for his dummy, popped it in and went straight to sleep. I watched him sleep for a while, realising that my baby growing up and needing me less. But I'm ok with that.

I know that for the last 16 1/2 months he has needed me and I have been 100% there for him. He has never been left alone crying, or hungry - he was never refused a feed. Weaning has been totally on his terms. Even when I was told by the MCHN that he doesn't need to be fed overnight anymore, I still did.

From his first long feed and to his last quick drink - it has been a beautiful relationship. Not with out trying times though.

We fed through those first painful days as we both were learning, and you wanted to get lots of practice - feeding what felt like all the time.

We fed through recurrent thrush, chilblains and inverted nipples. Painfully trying to attach a
newborn to nipples that had suddenly retracted was not an easy thing. We got through it though with lots of perseverance and support.

We fed through a 3 day feeding strike at 3 months where you screamed and refused to feed every time I tried. I now have my suspicions that it was silent reflux that was causing you to strike. Once again we perservered with the trusty pump and a cup to get you to drink. I really thought that this could have been the end, I was so stressed and anxious that you were going to dehydrate and starve.

We fed everywhere and anywhere, when ever you wanted a feed you were fed. It was the simplest and easiest way to nourish and comfort you. I was there for every single feed too, never needing to express and give it to you later.

I'm so proud of your progression from ravenous newborn to a toddler that only fed once a day. You slowly cut down the feeds all of your own accord, and just knew when the time was right to finish. I kept offering, but you would just laugh and giggle then move onto the next adventure. I stopped offering and you haven't asked.

I am proud that not a drop of formula has passed either of my babies lips, and that they only had a few bottles of expressed milk on the odd occasion. I know it's not something that everyone can do, and I am grateful that I have been able to feed both of my children. The night time feeds have always been so special. Just me and a warm sleepy suckling baby, these are precious moments that I never want to forget.

Now I am just waiting for the post-breastfeeding weight loss that I have been promised! My body didn't have a chance when Grace weaned as I was 30 weeks pregnant with Xav. This is the first time in 3 years 10 months that my body has not been housing or feeding a child.

Gosh for something that I am sometimes so critical of, it really has done a magnificent job!