10th January

This has been the colour of our skies for the last month or so.  We are the lucky ones though, rain that's drained away fine is nothing compared to what's happening to 75% of the state - with more to come.

The photos above are taken from our back yard, looking back to Mt Tamborine.  It is normally blocked by an extra tall money tree and palm fronds, however my husband decided to hack it all down on the weekend.  I quite enjoyed the shade the foliage brought, he apparently likes the view.  I suggested that the view, although nice, was predominately house roof tops.  He replied with "You just don't get it"  I still don't.

I'm guessing it was just to back up his argument, but my darling husband apparently enjoys watching the view whilst sitting out under the patio enjoying an afternoon beer shandy. 

He loves quiche too.

A long time between posts

It's been a long time since I've had the time or energy to sit down and write a post. 

The last month has been consumed by study, revision, more study and minor freak outs!  It's the pointy end of the University year, and although I don't normally stress about exams/assessments, these ones I felt a little more pressure.  I need to do well in these last 2 courses, otherwise my chances of getting into Midwifery next year can be pretty much kissed goodbye.  Also, I have no real back-up plan for if I don't get in.  I know that I can keep going with nursing, but all my study friends (in nursing) will be going onto other subjects and I'd hate to be stuck doing the ones I missed this year, whilst they are all off doing others.  If it happens like that though, I'll suck it up and take it as one big message that that is the path I am destined to take.  Of course, that will be after the worlds biggest tanty and lots of tears.  I know I've done my absolute best, so I don't think there is anything else that I could have done to make my chances better.  So, now just the LONG wait till January.

The last few weeks, although busy, have been a lot of fun.  A few weeks ago I got to visit the Anatomy lab at the hospital.  I wasn't sure how I'd go with it, but figured the people, (cadavars) who we would be examining, really wanted to be there.  The visit was for anyone that wanted to revise anatomy before the big exam, and only about 50 of the possible 200 students actually turned up.  We had full access to 2 wet bodies and a complete room of embalmed specimens and bodies.  I'll admit the unveiling of the first wet body was a bit daunting, but after a while it's very clinical and my science brain (cause apparently I have one!!) turned on and I was more fascinated than anything.  I even gloved up and explored everything.  It's so amazing seeing how everything connects and tracking arteries/veins around the whole body.  We got to see cancer in different organs, a heart after an attack and a knee after it was replaced.  All very interesting and definitely helped pull all the last years study together.  My study buddies and I spent the next 2 hours investigating and exploring the human body and being blown away by how amazing it really is.  Seeing the fat scattered throughout also has re-inspired my healthy eating plan.

Even though I've neglected my family for the last few weeks, I've had a great time hanging out with our study group.  It's a wonderful mix of women, and we all help and motivate each other.  For the last 2 Thursday's, we have done yoga here which is just the most beautiful location - although a bit of a trek to get to.  It was a perfect start to our long, sometimes intense study days - a beautiful balance.  If I am fortunate enough to get into Midwifery, I'm really going to miss this group.  I know I'm also going to really miss going to lectures and tutorials, in comparison to Midwifery which is mainly going to be external.  It'll be easier for flexibility but much harder to learn online and from a text book.

Duane has been fantastic during all this.  Completely picking up my slack and trying to make things as easy as he can for me.  There is a little gap in his "clean" and my "clean", but I've just had to suck it up and ignore the dust bunnies flying around the floor.  Cleaning has actually been one thing I've been looking forward to.  I've decided to go through 1 room at a time and give it a complete spring clean and de-clutter.  I'm sick of all the stuff that we manage to accumulate.  The kids and I did the toy room yesterday which was probably a bad move.  My kids are bigger hoarders than me, and trying to make them part with anything was painful - even baby toys.  I managed to smuggle a few things away, but nearly everything was met with "But that's my favourite broken toy, ripped book, old drawing etc"  So I might have to leave the ditching days for when they aren't here!

My lovely Mother in law, Wendy, has really been awesome this last year.  She's spent so much time with the kids and had a fantastic time doing it.  They have had so many adventures together and spent lots of time crafting, cooking and playing.  The kids do have Grandma wrapped around their fingers though, requesting all sorts of things that they know wouldn't fly with Mum or Dad.  I'm just so grateful that I have such a wonderful and willing Mother in law who has helped us all out so much.

Anyway, so now is the long wait to results and offers.  I'm hoping that all my hard work and a pinch of luck will be enough to get me over the line and into Midwifery!

Sleep time

For about the last 6 months both kids have been asking for extra special treatment at bedtime. Xav, at about 7.30pm, always comes and asks me to take him to bed. He spends the whole day idolising his father, but come nighttime, it's his Mummy that he wants.

He then heads to the toilet, then bathroom to brush his teeth and we meet back in his room. He's usually picked out a few books, so we snuggle into his bed and start reading. After 5 or so books, I'm usually over reading and by then he's asking for me to tell him a story. I have 2 stories that I've made up and they have evolved over time, just for Xav. Ones about a little boy that wants to fly and one day grows wings, the other is about a little boy (see a theme?) who finds a magic fairy door in the garden. He loves both of them, and never tires of hearing either story every night.

~~Grubby hands and blankies~~

After I've finished the story, he rolls over and grabs his blankie for a cuddle. Then I get a request to either pat his back, run my fingers through his hair or lightly touch his back with my finger tips. Ok, I may be setting him up here for future fetishes here! But he loves all of them, and asks that I keep going until his asleep - I oblige. The lightly touching his back thing is a bit odd though. I just can't believe that it doesn't tickle him, instead sending him into a relaxed, docile trance. He often wanders up to Duane or I during the day asking for the back strokes too.

I love doing any of the above and watching him drift off to sleep. It's one of my all time favourite things - watching a child nodding off to dreamland. It's the beautiful moment as their body relaxes and they drift off - Bliss.....

Whilst all the above is happening, Grace has her Daddy performing much the same. They read some books and then Duane lays on her bed and they cuddle until she's asleep too.

We do sometimes mix it up, but for mostly I stick to Xav and Duane goes with Grace. It's become our quiet one-on-one with each child, and it's precious. Duane and I both do it eagerly and there is never any resentment for bedtime taking so long, sometimes we can be in there up to an hour. Mostly if it's taken this long though, it means the adult has fallen asleep too!

Now with all these lovely, relaxing night time rituals you'd think that they'd stay in their own beds all night? Nope, usually around the early hours of the morning (3-5am) we have 2 little bed buddies creep in. We barely even wake when they come in now, either they have improved their stealth qualities or we are learning to sleep through the disruption!

Xav cuddles into me and Grace snuggles in with her Daddy. Xav holds my hand as we sleep, which I just adore. Also, every day he picks a moment to tell me that we had lovely cuddles last night. Just today he thanked me for our last night snuggles as I buckled him into his seat - Just Adorable.

Duane and I both know it's not something we'll be doing forever, so we take the moments when we can.

**I probably should note here that the above photos weren't quite the tranquil picture they paint. Xav had a wonderful meltdown the other day, as he was tired and wanted to just lay on the couch watching a Dvd. I said no, which resulted in said meltdown. He was going crazy and throwing himself around, so I bear hugged him and reminded him to take deep breaths until his body softened. He then stomped off to his bedroom (still yelling about the injustice of it all) and layed down on his floor and went to sleep. It's just what Xav does when he has a rare meltdown, takes himself off for a rest.

Weekly wrap up

I'm finding no time to blog, and even when I do, I am laden with guilt for not spending that time studying up on Freud and his theories or working out the significance of Covalent and Ionic Bonds - Riveting stuff.

But, right now I'm having a break. I'm giving myself an hour off the study and an hour of pure luxurious Internet time - doing the stuff that used to happen BS (before study!) So it'll be sporadic lines of blogging, interspersed with regular facebook checking, blog checking and e-mail checking!

I'll start with last weekend. On Saturday Wendy and I went to the workshop to finish off our felt sewing case. I've cut all my inside out, now just waiting for the time/motivation to sit down and sew it all up. The afternoon was spent lazing round inside, watching movies with the kids. After rushing around all week, trying to get out the door in time, it was nice to just be at home.

Sunday morning I was woken by 2 very excited little children, with beaming smiles and sweet little voices wishing me a Happy Birthday. They then gave me my present, which was a brand new phone! Very good timing too, because my old relic was starting to be unreliable in the ringing stakes - only working sometimes. I was hesitant at first, not entirely sure what to do with the new fancy phone that had a whole keyboard, but after a few days of getting to know each other, I am converted. It is especially handy when faced with a very boring psychosocial lecture, and having the ability to hook into the schools wireless network and browse. I'm also loving the calendar function, now everything I need is only one click away!

The kids had also picked out a present each. Grace chose a rather lovely and very fancy Bic flick pen, with stock standard red and black options. Xav, also chose a very practical gift - post-it notes. Thanks children, they will both come in very handy.

Wendy came up nice and early, and we had a lovely decadent breakfast of wholemeal pancakes with fresh fruit and maple syrup. I was very spoilt from the in laws this year, and they generously gave me a new Brother sewing machine!! It is so lovely, but due to time restraints is still sitting all pretty in it's box. I'll get it out in the next week or 2 and give it a test run, it's just a pity that it doesn't go itself!

Duane was wanting to have a bbq/party for me to celebrate, but I really couldn't be bothered. It had been a busy week, and the thought of having to clean and organise was just too much to think about. I really just wanted to spend the day as a family, which is what we did in the end. Nicole and Trude came over for a quick visit and to give me their lovely gifts. The Truets gave me a lovely blue butterfly top to wear over tights, which I really love and now just need somewhere to go to wear it! The Dews gave me a lucky four leaf clover Pandora charm for my bracelet, which is jangling along with the other charms (mostly from Trude and Nicole!) Trude also did up a dvd of all the footage she had of my kids, which was lovely to watch over.

We also have a great little mothers groups tradition, we all through in $10 and get the birthday girl a voucher to this spa, so I can't wait to use mine and get some pampering!

Duane cooked a very low key dinner, but surprised me with yummy apple crumble cheesecake from the Cheesecake Shop - My absolute favourite! It was a lovely, relaxing and lazy day. I also managed to fit in some sewing, and finished off 4 of the cloth books that I had been asked to make. There was a little bit of study fitted in somewhere too.

Monday was another lazy day at home. I was going to head up to craft, but the weather was terrible and the appeal of staying at home in my Pj's was all too much. We did pop out for a little bit, doing the rounds of the op-shops, hoping to find a lab coat to avoid buying a new one. No such luck, but the kids picked out some books which they were happy with.

Tuesday was to be the day that I was dreading. It was the day that me, who is petrified of rats, had to dissect one. I had been in slight denial that it was going to happen, but as the day came around I really had to acknowledge that I was going to have to do this, and work out some strategies to keep myself upright and not smacking my head on the lab floor. I thought that I'd take deep breathes, focus on the main bit and try my hardest to ignore the big sharp teeth and long slinky tail.

Tuesdays are my busy day, I have all my tutorials and labs crammed on to it. I start at 10am and have only 10 minutes after each class to rush to the next one. I then finish up at 6pm, hungry and exhausted. I had the 2 tutorials before the lab, and quizzed everyone else on how bad it was. Most people said it was fine, but a little smelly. We got into the lab, all looking very official in our stark white lab coats. I'll just note here, that the whiteness of the coat doesn't sit right with me, so I'm going to be dying mine purple. It's just one of the many ways that I'm pledging my allegiance to Midwifery and subtly putting it out there that's where I am headed.

Anyway, back to the rat. After going through all the safety precautions for the laboratory, being shown where the emergency showers/eye wash stations are, gas shut off and being instructed where to put the pins and sharps after the dissection, it was time to start. The tutor got her rat out, put it under the magnifier so we could watch on the big screen. She showed us step by step how it was to be done, stressing that we had to be very gentle so not to pierce the bladder or bowel, and hopefully avoid the real bad smell issues. I listened intently, hoping not to be the one that stunk out the room.

Then it was time for us to get our own rat and start the procedure. We had been put into groups of 2, so I kindly offered for my partner to go up with our dissection tray and get our rat whilst I busily prepared the area. I was prepared for cutting, but not for actually having to pick one up. After thanking the rat for letting us learn on it, I went in for the first nick. The first cut was the hardest. I was probably being too gentle, so it took me a few goes to break through the skin. I'm not going to go into all the details, but after cutting through the skin layer and stretching it out, we then cut into the muscle and virtually had an open flap exposing all the organs.

The smell wasn't very pleasant, and we were advised that breathing through our mouth is the best way. I couldn't do that though, the thought of all those smelly particles in my mouth was enough to make me light headed, so I continued breathing through my nose and just stepping back and taking a rest when it got a bit much.

So once Mr rat was all open, and his organs where all exposed, it got very interesting. It was fascinating identifying all the organs and realising how similar our organ systems actually are. They are obviously so much smaller and harder to locate in the rat though.

All in all, it wasn't too bad an experience and I did learn a lot from it. It certainly helps to remember what quadrants each organ is in and the general whereabouts of each one. I'd had enough after about an hour though and was ready to dispose and move onto the written work.

I'm still waiting for the rats to get their revenge on me though. We've had some larger than mouse poo around the chook house, so Duane has layed some baits out. I nervously venture out into the yard everyday, expecting to find a dead rat right in my path. I can't stand them, dead or alive. I heard a rustle the other day as I was heading out to close up the chook house, so cowardly sent the kids to close it instead.

Wednesday was another early start as I was heading to the hospital to meet with a friend who had asked me to come along to her Ob appointment with her. I dropped Grace at pre-school at 7.45am, poor little poppet was the only child there, but because of this she had undivided attention and got to play with some of the very special toys. I dropped Xav at off Nicole's house, then only just made it to the hospital in time for the appointment.

My friend is pregnant with her 2nd child and is planning to vbac, and has asked me to be her support person which I am super excited about! Her first C/s was under a general anaesthetic and she was deeply traumatised by it, so she is doing everything she can to make this birth experience more empowering and positive. I'll write another entry later about all this.

Thursday and Friday have kinda blurred into each other, both days I was at uni from about 9am till 6pm - listening to some intensely interesting and some brain-numbingly boring. It's very hard to keep your mind focused on listening and not off wandering, thinking about everything else but what you are supposed to be listening too.

I've been so tired of a night. The last 3 nights, I've had good intentions of staying up and studying, but crashing on the couch before 9pm. The night time is my only real study time, so I'm hoping that the fatigue doesn't stick around for too much longer and I can actually get some things done!

The kids are coping fantastically with being shunted around the place. They seem to be enjoying all the extra time with Grandma and getting to visit her house a lot more. Duane is being fantastic and making sure that washing, cleaning and groceries are getting done if I haven't had time. He's been exhausted too, but I'm hoping that they better rhythm we get into, the easier it will be on everyone.

Xav is being a bit challenging lately. He has always been quite specific with how he likes things, but it seems to be getting worse lately. He only likes to use plates etc if he is wearing that colour and is very particular about where the milk or honey goes on his weetbix of a morning. If these things aren't done how he requests, the tantrum is horrible. I try to accommodate his likes/dislikes but sometimes his requests are just so unreasonable, he has to suck it up. He's not even that bad, it's just these things seem to happen of a morning as I am hurriedly trying to get everyone ready and out the door. Look, I think that I may of just given myself the answer. Maybe the problem is I am rushing him, and not properly listening to what he wants? He's probably a bit out of sorts from not seeing me as much, and these little bits of routine are what he is grasping at. I don't know, but I think I'll make more of an effort to make the morning more leisurely and enjoyable.

Xav always used to ask for Daddy to take him to bed, but over the last few weeks he's been wanting me. I love it though, it's our special time together, just reading the stack of books that he's picked out and cuddling. I really enjoy our wind down time together, and hope that every night I'm home for it.

Grace is fine. She is a very adaptable little girl who is just so excited that her and Mummy both go to school "Just the girls go to school Mum, not the boys!" She has been nagging since the day I started to come visit me at school. So this Friday Duane bought the kids to come pick me up, and I showed them around. I think Grace was expecting to see the plastic dummies like we did on the orientation, and was quite disappointed when she was just given a tour of the library!
She had her 4 year old needles on Wednesday and was surprisingly fine with it. I coudn't go, so poor Duane had to take both kids along by himself. I was a bit worried how Grace would go, considering her little needle ordeal in hospital, but she seems to have not remembered anything from her stay. For being such a brave little girl, the nurse gave her a voucher for Hungry Jacks. I couldn't believe it when Duane told me, so much for all the health promotion they are banging on about at Uni. I just find that so bizarre that in a Dr's surgery, they give a 4 y/o a meal voucher for fast food. It is totally unnecessary, and she would have been just as stoked with a sticker or colouring in book.

Xav had his heart checked again, and the murmur is still there so the Dr wants us to take him for an echocardiogram, just to double check that it is ok.

I'm finding the subjects at Uni quite interesting, and already have a fair idea of what ones I'll need to spend my time on. Anatomy is definitely going to be occupying most of my study time, it is just such a large and complex subject. We had chemistry this week, and being that is something that I've never learnt, it was very difficult to follow. I've been going over and over it, and slowly it seems to be sticking, just hope it's the right bits. The psychosocial subject is mildly interesting, but I'm confused my all the theorists and their takes on how we all develop. It is so open to interpretation, and I'm just finding it hard to wrap my head around all the different theories.

Our first essay isn't due until the end of April, but it has been advised that we spend about 50 hours on it!!! I'm going to get started in it next week and at least have a rough draft done by the end of March. I've booked a camping trip for 4 nights in the week after Easter, which also is the week before 2 of my mid-semester exams, so no doubt there will be lots of lazing on the banks of the lake revising chemistry and development theories.

This weekend has pretty much been the same as last, just at home spending time together and getting things done around the house. The kids and I spent Saturday making some hand-felted Easter eggs, which we are going to pass onto the Easter Bunny to fill with special treats. Xav got bored after half hour, preferring to grab some matchbox cars and play with them. Grace loved it though, really enjoying the rubbing and massaging of the fleece as we worked hard to get it to felt. The eggs turned out beatuiful, and as soon as I get some more fleece, we will make some more.

Sunday we spent in the yard, taking a few loads to the tip and a trailer load to the op-shop. I gave the house a big clean, as it was starting to get quite messy after a week of just quick tidy ups. It has been raining on and off all day, which is playing havoc with my washing schedule!

I'm really looking forward to no cleaning tomorrow, and just spending some quality time with the kids. We are planning on some craft and baking, with a special request for muffins and biscuits.

Who compromises the most?

What happens if 1 partner is happy and content with 2 children, has absolutely no desire to have a 3rd, is ready to move on from nappies and nights of lost sleep BUT the other partner looks around and knows that there is a baby missing from the family pictures?

Who 'wins' this showdown?

Yep, we had the chat. No, it didn't go well. Yep, he is happy to not have anymore children. No, I am not happy to end my baby making days.

I see his point, I really do. I know that we are better of financially with only 2 children, but money is never going to fill that tiny place in my heart that I have reserved for my 3rd baby. I know that our house is small, it's an averaged sized 3 bedroom house with only the one bathroom. It's fine now, but as the kids get older I'm sure it'll get a little cramped - especially lining up for the toilet or waiting for Grace (or Xav!) to finish blow drying their hair. That also doesn't stop that lump at the back of my throat when I dare to think of never having another baby.

My heart rules my head on this one. No amount of practical thinking is going to override my overwhelming desire for a 3rd baby. But what do we do if Duane is so adamant that the baby making days are behind us? He's excited to move onto the next stages with the kids, they are both at great ages now and life is really easy.

I know that sooner or later all these things are going to have to be the very last, I can't keep having babies. Well, the Duggars did - but I highly doubt that if I can't convince Duane for 1 more, I'll never get another 16!

But right now, I can't imagine never feeling those first flutters, never tickling a little foot wedged under my ribs, never again waiting anxiously for the first signs of labour, never having my slippery and slick newborn put on my chest, never having milky night cuddles together, never watching my baby learn to toddle and never again celebrating a 1st b'day for one of my babies.

Of course, it's not just the lose of baby things that upsets me, It's just that these are bits that I would haven't have again from now. If I'm still aching for another child in 10 years time, I would be missing all the previous stages too. It's just right now, I know what it is like to have a newborn or toddler or preschooler so I'll miss that.

Maybe I just got him at a bad time? Maybe him actually saying Nope, all done no more was actually just a side effect from the lack of sleep?

My timing was all off, that's the problem! I shouldn't have approached the conversation as he tried to rest in the afternoon after a restless week of night wakings, what with Grace vomiting in the first half of the week and Xav coughing and wheezing the other - the poor guy is barely lucid! Oh, and next time I start nagging bring up the subject, I'll be sure that there aren't any kids around AT all - especially not a 2.5 y/o in the corner that has perfected the art of the most annoying tantrum.

It's not like I want the baby right now. I just need to know that within the next few years, there is a chance that another baby is coming our way.

Normally with Duane, I get my way most of the time. However, this is one thing I don't want to force. If he remains 100% comfortable with never having more kids, I think I'll have to give up my dream. Will that create resentment? I'm not sure. Will he resent me if he we do go ahead and have a 3rd, when he's already said he wants no more? I'm not sure.

Foster care is something else that I am considering. There is a serious lack of foster carer's and unfortunately way to many children need the services. I would love to be able to help in that way, even if it meant heartbreak in handing children back. The help we as a famiy could give to a child, would over ride any sadness we could ever feel. Anyway, something that I'll look into after I've settled into uni.

"You'll never regret the child you have" How much faith do we put in that reasoning?

If all else fails, I'll just have to resort to withdrawing all marital relations as ransom. Fair deal?

Almost a millionaire

I was almost a millionaire.

Almost had to spend days searching for my dream house & furnishing it perfectly - complete with humungous vegie patch, horse and an orchard.

I nearly got to go to several banks and pay off the mortgage of all my closest friends and family, then present them with their deeds in a frame.

Hubby nearly got to call work and give his notice, then spend his days being a stay-at-home dad who volunteered and spent lazy days on the golf course.

I was > - < close to being able to travel the world as I pleased, taking the kids to winter in Canada, safari in South Africa and any where else that took my fancy.

BUT it all came down to 1 measly number. 1 number stopped all of those ^^^^ dreams.

My husband told me today that he always buys a powerball ticket when he goes on holidays, in the hope that he wins enough money and doesn't have to go back to work. He could just extend the holiday indefinitely. It's not like he doesn't enjoy his job, but it's physically tough and hey, who wouldn't want the option to not have to go to work.

Anyway, today he fronted up to the newsagent and presented his ticket. "Can you check my loosing ticket" He asked. "Sure, but I hope it's a winner for you" answered the friendly shop assistant. She scanned it then looked over at his and smiled "Well, I can't give you that much, you'll have to wait for the cheque", she then said very excitedly. "You've won about $4700, but the bad news is you were 1 number off winning about 8 million dollars" Doh!

I'm stoked about winning nearly 5 grand. Within 5 minutes of Duane telling me the good news, I had mentally done up a wish list, and there wasn't much change.

First thing on the agenda is a service and air-con for the car. Next is the study cupboards done exactly how I want, and also a new solar hot water service. Duane's asked for $500 play money, not sure what he wants it for, but he never spends money so I couldn't really say no hey! The rest (if there is any!!) will go in the kids school account. It's already looking healthy, but considering schooling is going to be a large on-going cost, it needs to be supersized.

Oh, and the number that he missed out. 35. It's his age.

A very messy night

Now, this is not a story that can be glamorised or made to sound anything more exciting than what it is. However, as much as I would like to stick my fingers in my ear and chant "Lalalalalalalala", I need this post as a reminder to not go back there, ever again.

Oh, and kids, if you ever read this, learn from silly Mummy's mistakes and just drink soft drink, ok? Or light shandys like Daddy. He's sensible.

I was having a normal Friday at Nicole's house for Mothers Group. We'd had a great day playing with the kids in the pool and then enjoying the quietness as they all slept and we had lunch. My other Mothers Group were attending a Learning Ladder party and decided to organise an impromptu dinner out to a great little Thai place.

It sounded like it would be a good night with yummy food, laughs and a few drinks. I organised Sera, who is breastfeeding and therefore great as a designated driver, to pick me up around 7pm.

Our alcohol cupboard is nearly over flowing, as neither Duane or I drink but for some reason, people like to give us alcohol. I poked through it and found and innocent looking bottle of Verdelho that I had bought on a quick trip Trude and I had to the Hunter Valley, way before kids.

So we get to the restaurant and no-one else is wanting to drink wine. I think this is where it all went down hill. I was thirsty, but the dumbass in me went to the wine glass to quench my thirst, not the damn water. Lisa had invited 2 of her friends that I had met 1 or 2 times, and after my little shennanigans, hope to never see again.

I was pissed by the time the entrees came out. Not too far gone, but enough to blurt out any minuscule thought that came into my mind. My drunk side has this crazy notion that everyone wants to hear what I have to say REALLY LOUDLY. I'm not a drunk that calmly sits back, sipping quietly. Nope, I'm the obnoxious one that gets louder and louder and louder, totally oblivious to the fact that no-one really gives a shit what I have to say or show (granted that was in context, we were talking about breastfeeding, but c'mon did they really want to see nipple??)

By main course I was completely wasted. My bottle was finished and I was on to someone else's. I did manage to enjoy a small part of my chicken and cashew stir fry, but doubt I'll ever be able to eat that again. I do remember desperately needing to go to the toilet, but being so scared of standing up and walking. Everything doesn't seem too bad until you have to move and coordinate your upper and lower half, without going arse over tit. I did make it to the toilet though, but I vaguely remember Sera helping me. A lot.

I do also remember photos being taken, Duane being called and me even talking to him on the phone. I remember telling everyone that the last 2 times I have drunk, I've fallen pregnant. I can safely say that I was in no state for baby making this time though. I really can't remember what else happened.

Time was a little hazy, but I think Sera & I left the restaurant at about 10pm. I know I gave her my key card and pin to pay for my dinner. Sera and Beck walked with me to the car, but about half way I needed to sit down, so did, on the garden bed. Then the overwhelming urge to throw up came, so up came all my dinner. Believe me, cashews are not nice coming back up. Gritty little things getting stuck in your teeth and throat. Beck & Sera, the bitches, was still taking photos, but also giving me sips of water and holding back my hair. Good friends hey.

I managed the car ride home ok, except the last few mins where I had to really concentrate on not spewing. Sera was chatting the whole time, and I had to tell her to stop as the more she talked the more I wanted to chuck. We pulled up out the front of our house, I got out of the car, said Hi to Duane, then vomited in the gutter, stepped over it and went inside. All class.

Duane was laughing his head off as he stripped me off, put a towel on the bed and tucked me in. Then, he called his Mum to come up in the morning as he had to go to work at 5.30am and he was worried how I would cope.

I was feeling crappy all night, but luckily the kids slept in till 7.30am. That's when I staggered out and realised that my babysitter (God Bless the mil) had been sitting in the lounge since 5.30am. She hung around until Duane got home at 9am, but as long as I was horizontal on the couch I wasn't too bad. She did ask if that was my mess in the gutter that she had to step over on the way in.

It's Sunday and I'm still feeling seedy, but not going to complain about such self inflicted sickness.

A long day.

The husband is not coming home till after 7pm and I've been up with the kids since before 6am. That's a long day and my patience is testament to how draining the day has been.

The kids are outside with the slide backed up to the trampoline. I've glanced out, and I think they are jumping from the top of the slide onto the trampoline. I know that trampoline accidents are one of the main reasons for kids presenting to emergency, but right now I don't care. I am getting a nano-second to get dinner ready, so they can go nuts.

The back door has been open and closed a gazillion times by the offspring as they flit in between going all kamikaze on the trampoline and stomping sand all over the already grainy floor. The flies have taken the opportunity to get in, due to the constantly opened door, and have taken residence all through my kitchen.

I decided to take my aggression out on the pesky flying black things, swatting them in every direction, then smelt chemicals burning. I looked over and my hotplates are all burning bright red, with my favourite large and very expensive Tupperware fridgesmart smouldering away on top. Seems when I turned the oven on to put the batch of muffins the brats and I just made, one of them switched all the hot plates on. Not.Happy.At.All.

I've just undone a tin of tuna and managed to spill all the juice over me. Xav just spilt a mixture of ice and water all over the floor. And I've just gone against all my chemical beliefs and sprayed the damn flies with fly spray. My stir fry is verging on being uneatable, cause I had to rush out and get the clothes off the line before it rained. My mouth is aching from having a random piece of bone removed earlier today. Seems there was some left over from a few months ago when I had my molar extracted. I was offered a needle to get the bone out, but the thought of another needle prick this week was all too much. The dentist used a numbing gel and just pulled the bloody thing out whilst I did my best dee breathing to get through the pain. It was all over quick and the pain wasn't too bad.

Hubby better not be late home and better present with some serious apologies.

On the upside, I went to a craft morning at Silkwood and made a felt/wood Mary doll that's going to be part of a Nativity scene.

Working hard for his money.....

Yay, Duane has next week of work and I CAN NOT wait!!

Well, seen as how it is the weekend now, theoretically his holiday should of already started right? Nope, my too nice husband said yes to some extra work chauffeuring around some of the members of the golf club that he works at. He worked from 5am Saturday morning, came home for a few hours over lunch then was back out again until 2am. Poor bugger only had 4 hours sleep before he was out again Sunday morning, was home again over lunch and then headed to a friends house to watch the footy final. He did feel extremely bad about leaving me again, especially since the kids were in fine form, but I insisted that he go as it was something he had planned for ages. He came home in time to put the kids to bed, then back out for a limo job to Brisbane airport and back. It's nearly midnight on Sunday night and he still isn't home.

Thank goodness he will be handing over the limo for the next week as well as not having to go to his other work. The limo work started out just as a favour to the Golf Club and only supposed to be occasional. Apparently though the members all love him, so there has been lots of requests for him to do the pick ups and drop offs. He doesn' t mind it, and the pays not too bad. It just eats into a bit of our time and financially its a bit complicated. I have to estimate his income for Family tax, and with the extra work it's hard to make sure we don't get over paid and end up with a big tax bill. I know I could just over estimate his wage, but then its tough on the weeks that he doesn't get overtime.

Ok, the moneys not the main problem - the big issue is we usually miss out on our rare mornings together. He leaves for work every weekday at about 5.30am, then Saturdays is his golf day, so Sundays are the only morning that we get to spend together. Its the only day we all get to wake up together (I enjoy that for a second, then kick them all out of the bedroom so I can have a sleep-in!). The kids adore having Duane around in the morning, their excitement at seeing him when they wake is gorgeous.

ETA - He didn't end up getting home until after midnight. He was absolutely exhausted from all the late nights and early mornings, so spent the majority of today catching up on sleep. As much as I wanted to blare the music and get the kids screaming at full volume, I kept them amused outside and let him snooze on the couch. BUT, now he's caught up on sleep, there wont be any lazing around for the rest of the holidays, there are a bunch of things that I want to do. There's Ikea trips to be done, trips to Dreamworld and White water world before our 2 year pass runs out and lots of family time at the park/beach.

By the end of the week, he will be BEGGING to go back to work for a break!

Hmmmm.....

So, my husband has bought me this new (well new to us, but still 2nd hand) set of wheels.

**Excuse the crappy photos, they are taken on my little digital which Grace just informed me she dropped. Explains the haze that is all over my pics at the moment.




I drive a Rav 4 at the moment, but it's becoming a bit of a pain if we have an extra passenger as there is only room in between the car seats for a very teeny-tiny bottom. So if Mum comes up or we take Duane's Mum out anywhere, my NOT teeny-tiny bottom gets shoved VERY uncomfortably in the back. I usually only last 5 minutes or so before the complaining starts, so maybe this is to hush me?


Or is it a conspiracy? Maybe my "I only really want 2 kids" husband is getting clucky, and he has a desire for a car with more anchor points? Doubt it, but at least now he can't use the excuse that the car is not big enough.

I mean, check out how huge it is:

Look how much room is in the middle row, enough room between the seats for a humungous bum OR another car seat!

Oh, and what do you know! Another seat that could potentially be vacated by a cute little baby:

Wow, really that other seat on the left can be folded down too? You mean there are 5 spots for car seats, dear husband?

Hmmmm.....you do the math. Currently we are only using 2 of the anchor points. So that leaves me with another 3 car seat spots & then a spare seat, but I'm willing to compromise and just use another 2 of the anchor spots.
I'm generous like that.

Christmas 2008

Well the Christmas celebrations are over with for another year. Its creeps up on us so quickly and then leaves with the same haste.

Christmas Eve was spent wearing out the kids to that they had a nice early night. Kinda went to plan except as I was putting Grace to bed, I fell asleep too! Oops. I had been busy making all the desserts for Christmas day and was feeling rather sick from eating all the leftover melted chocolate.

Before the kids went to bed we excitedly put out all the food and drinks for Santa and the reindeer's. Santa was given a cup of milk and biscuits, and the reindeer's had a container of oats which was put beside the dogs water bowl in case they wanted a drink too. We also left out a special key for Santa to get in seen as how we don't have a chimney.

We then all opened up one present each, a big coincidence don't you think that all the presents were new pj's! I have done this every year - it's a nice tradition and makes us all look kinda respectable come the morning. I try to get Christmassy ones but they were sold out early. Xav got a cute red pair with silky boxers to match Daddies and Grace got a pink ballerina nightie. I just recycled a new pair that I had bought ages ago.

I spent the rest of the night wrapping presents (I love doing this!) and watching the carols on Tv. Duane was beside me busily trying to put together the wooden kitchen and muttering about next year not buying anything that needed to be assembled. I only heard a few swear words and saw I mistake - so all in all success. The presents were piled high under the tree, all bright and shiny. Everything looked perfect. About 11.30pm we heard little footsteps coming down the hall, Duane bolted and intercepted sleepy Grace who he took into our bed and they both crashed out. I took a few photos, ate the bikkies, tipped out the milk and then joined them for the night.

~~Before~~

~~Before~~

~~After~~

As it happens every morning now, Duane & I were up before the kids. I snuck outside to make the Santa prints from the front gate to the front door, then scattered the reindeer food around. The chooks were out and thought that I was sprinkling food around for them, so they hastily gobbled most of it up!

Grandma and Poppy turned up at 6am, then Grace stumbled out of bed not much after. She was a little unsure why they were here so early and also what all the excited faces were for. We shuffled her outside and showed her the Santa prints, and also pointed out the mess that the reindeer's had made with the food. She was a little shocked, she kept rubbing her tired eyes and looking again - not quite sure what she was seeing. Xav woke about then so after getting him up, Grace took him outside and relayed everything we had said to him. She was starting to comprehend it all now and was excitedly saying, "Santa's been, Santa's been"





We all headed inside and her eyes nearly pooped out of her head when she saw all the presents piled up high. We turned on the carols and then Duane played Santa, handing out all the presents. The children were both extremely spoilt, but everything that they got was perfect. I had given strict instructions and also present suggestions to the in-laws, and I was glad to see that they followed them! Probably sounds horrible, but if I hadn't of, we would of ended up with a bunch of plasticky, break-in-an-instant crap. Grace got a beautiful purple and white wooden truck with horse trailer attached, pretend coffee machine, pretend kettle, pretend mixer and some little wind up toys. Xav was given a skittle set, bath alphabet, wooden truck, wooden peg/hammer thing and also the wind up toys. Xav loves the hammer/peg thing. He spent so much time banging all the pegs in and then flipping it over and starting again. At one stage he banged it so hard that the head fell of the hammer - It was all glued back on though and he went again!

Then came the unveiling of the big present - a wooden kitchen. This was a joint present for both of them, and it was a hit! They spent most of the morning pretending to make us coffees and cooking up a storm. Xav obsessively put things in one cupboard, walked away, then went running back to change it all around again. It's such a beautiful kitchen and plenty of room for them both to play. There old plastic one has been shifted outside in the cubby house. They're allowed to put water on that one, so they get out there making sloppy sand-pies and cooking them up!

The kids also got lots of other lovely presents from Santa. Toothbrushes, undies and lots of books. Grace got a set of working lights for her dolls house and also a family of wooden dolls that fit the house perfectly. From us they were given some games to share - domino's, lucky ducks, beetle and uno. Nanny bought them both the game twister and also a torch each. Both of these were a hit, especially the torches. We have played a kiddy friendly version of twisted already and they both love spinning the wheel and jumping on whatever colour come up.

Probably the highlight for Grace was the lip gloss and nail polish that Santa has promised her. Grace had developed a terrible habit of chewing her nails down to nothing, sometime making them bleed. I promised her that Santa would bring her some polish if she stopped biting them, and it worked - she stopped! So then I had the task of traipsing everywhere looking for polish that was safe and tame enough for a 3 y/o. I ended up finding some light barely-there nude polish with a touch of glitter that was both formaldehyde and talon free. I remembered at the last minute though that Avon do a great nail polish, so I might order some of that too. Grace loved having her fingers and toes all sparkly and shiny - she's such a girly-girl! The lipgloss was just a sunscreen one, but she loves it!

Murray and Trudy then turned up for breakfast. I was given a beautiful pot filled with planted herbs - and also strict instructions to water it! Grace was given a scented baby doll, a gorgeous top & shorts set and the last 2 books that she needed to complete her, "When I'm feeling........" book set. Xav got a beautiful wooden abacus that he loves spinning the letters on.

Duane was surprised with a new 4 burner BBQ, complete with hood and wok on the side from his parents. Funny thing was it is the exact bbq that we had bought for them! Very nice and I can't wait to try it out soon. I already have my lovely early Christmas present - my gorgeous camera.

We then enjoyed a lovely breakfast of pancakes with fresh mango, pineapple and berries all piled high with ice-cream, cream and maple syrup.

After breakfast Xav had a snooze and I put the finishing touches on my contribution to the big lunch meal - desserts!

We then headed over to Amanda's house and settled in to watch the present exchange. Grace and Xav were once again spoilt. Grace was given a new Cd & book from the Truets, a card game from the Cahills and a little dolly from the Ryans. Xav was given an "In the night garden" book & t-shirt from the Truets, a toy camera from the Cahills and a ball from the Ryans.

Lunch was then layed out on the table for everyone to fill up on. There was a beautiful apricot and macadamia stuffed roast Turkey, roast chicken and perfectly roasted vegetables. It was the first year that we have had a kiddy table set up. They each ate little bites of food as they alternated between sitting nicely and running around crazily. All the adults ate way too much then retired to the deck to work up an appetite for dessert.

I had the nerve racking task of deciding on and making all the dessert. I was very nervous about as it's always the much anticipated finale to any meal. I knew that pavlova was generally a hit, and trifle is a Christmas staple so these 2 were definates. I then found a recipe for rocky road ice-cream which looked and sounded delicious.

I'd never made pavlova before and obviously didn't beat it for as long as I should have as it stayed flat and spread out all over the tray. I am a great improviser though (hubby is often scared when I say that I've "improvised"!) so I whipped up some cream, slapped it on the top with some raspberries and kiwi fruit and rolled it up like a swiss roll. Looked a bit dodgy but come serving time I topped it with more cream, bananas, kiwi fruit raspberries and chocolate. It still looked a bit bleurgh, but tasted delicious!

I also made a summer berry trifle that was laden with blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, jelly soaked sponge cake, custard and cream. Very easy to make and looked great. The ice-cream cake was also really yummy and going by the fact there was not much left over, it must have been all right. I had also made about 40 little Christmas cake balls that had been dipped in chocolate and topped with white chocolate and jaffas - apparently supossed to look like Christmas puddings. Mine didn't really but tasted magnificent - huge hit!

After lazing around for another few hours, it was time to head home to have a play with all the new toys.

An unorthodox game of twister was a perfect end to a perfect Christmas day.

Christmas 2008 was filled with the 4 f's - family, friends, fun & food. Just how it should be!

Movember

Duane decided that it might be amusing to once again participate in Movember.

Last year he went the Mo and the little bit of fluff on his chin, looked like crap and I told him that daily. This year he also went the Mo AND the stupid handle bar things that hung down the side.

It took him nearly the whole month to grow it, grooming it and trying to make the ridiculous thing look presentable. I whinged about it every single day, hoping that would be enough to make him shave it off. He tried bribing me, giving me a list of things that he would like and then the Mo would go. Well I wasn't being held to ransom by an ugly piece of facial hair, so I tried my best to just ignore it.

Finally it has gone. I'm all for the charity aspect of it, but facial hair on my clean cut husband is just creepy. I'm loving having my fresh-faced husband back, the Mo really doesn't suit him

And just when I thought our house would be a "Mo free zone", the kids decided to join in the fun. However, I find theirs just cute!

Balls of laughter

Oh dear, one of the absloutely funniest things I have ever witnessed just happened. Well I am sure, actually make that positive, that my dear husband does not share the same humour in the moment.

I'll set the scene:

Xaviers has had a bit of nappy rash lately, a lovely side effect of the erupting molars, so I was giving him a bit of nappy free time. Duane was laying on the floor, being crawled all over by both of the rugrats. I noticed a fly swarming around Xav's naked bottom, so I told Duane to shoo it away. Duane however took it upon himself to grab one of the kids HARDCOVER books that was laying beside him. He was still laying on the ground when he pulled his arm back ready to whack the fly that was now resting on his upper leg. Well I guess he didn't really think about what else was up in that region. I watched him swat the fly and then coil, scream and go flat to the floor.

I was pissing myself laughing, I really couldn't help it and it took everything for me not to just say "Suck it up princess, my genitals have copped a bigger beating than that giving birth to YOUR kids!!" But I couldn't even get that out between snorts of laughter.

It was only after a few seconds that I realised he wasn't saying anything. I looked down and he started making a few grunty noises, I thought he was laughing too, so I didn't really take much notice. Then he started moving slowly, I kept asking him if he was allright but he could only manage a weak "No". I told him to lay down (mind you I was still couldn't stifle my giggles), so he layed there for a bit then got up and went to bed.

I followed him up to the bedroom, but first I went into Grace's room to try to compose myself. I just kept thinking, "How stupid is he to whack himself there with a hard book", everytime I thought about it I would break into fits of laughter. Once I had gathered myself together I went in to see if he was ok. It was only then that he started talking. Then he explained that as he was swatting the fly he has clipped one of his balls and from the pain he had actually blacked out for a few seconds. That was when he was laying there grunting, he had actually fainted. He also said that he was trying to say to me to call an ambulance but it wouldn't come out.

And all the time I just laughed, giggled and snorted. Sympathetic wife that I am.

Oh, and after he was feeling better he went to assess the damage. All ok, but I guess we will have to wait to see if everything is working normally!

Duane as Duane

Today I saw Duane as himself, not being a husband or a Daddy, just being Duane.

It was actually a really special and realising moment for me. I haven't seen that side of Duane for ages.

It was the final round of the Club Champs at The Grand Golf Club and Duane was playing. I wanted to take Grace up to watch a few holes and then celebrate afterwards. Grandma was staying home to watch Xavier, so it was just going to be the girls! When we got up there they had finished, and unfortunately Duane had lost (6&5). He seemed ok about it, probably a little disappointed but ok. We went inside to the clubhouse for a coffee, and that's when I saw Duane as I used to know him. All of the members came up to offer him their commiserations and let him know how well he played considering he doesn't practice. He is such a talented and respected golfer, everybody likes him (well except those he wins the $$off!!) He is so at ease in what I find such a stuffy and boys club environment. He is just so relaxed when he is surrounded by a golf course.

It was good for me to see and remember his passion for the game. Sometimes of a Saturday I do resent him going off to play and me being at home with the kids. I had forgotten that he gets so much enjoyment from it, and although it has taken a back burner lately, golf is still such a huge part of who he is.

One of the members even shouted us all lunch and a bottle of wine, which was a lovely gesture.

Anyway, he has been trying to break the course record and he has now done that. Duane already has won the club champs twice, so even though he would of loved to win again it wasn't his main goal.

Its like I had totally forgotten who Duane is when he is not being a fantastic Daddy or beautiful husband. I have been given a reminder & I love him even more.