Week # 4

Wow, 4 weeks have passed now and I think I can officially say I'm in the swing of being a Uni student!

After a mild panic attack midweek about all the upcoming assessments that are due and the looming mid-semester Exams that are in 3 weeks time, I'm feeling not too bad now.

I had my mini Anatomy quiz on Tuesday, which is counted towards our overall grade. I thought I knew my stuff, but the wording and setting out of the questions rattled me a bit and I was petrified that I had failed it. After the quiz, we had our hands on experiments etc in the lab and then at the end the tutor came in to write the student numbers of the people that had failed. I was certain my name would be up there, but somehow I made it through and passed. I'm sure I only just did, but I'll find out exactly next week. Out of the 22 people in that lab, 11 failed - that's how tough it was! We have another one of those in 2 weeks time, so I'm hoping I can be better prepared and come out feeling a bit more confidant. We also have the mid-year exam for that class in 3 weeks, which I am slightly petrified of. It is just such a large amount of things to learn. It is the hardest subject we will do, and has a really high failure rate. I'm hoping that I can at least scrape through with a pass, I'll be happy with that. Because it is such a consuming course, it's really hard not to concentrate on it so much, and forget that I also have 3 other subjects to worry about.

I've had a really productive week with study and have finally got all my research together for my first essay. I'm planning on getting a rough draft for that done this weekend and then spent the next few weeks fine-tuning it. I'm not too stressed now about the essay, just getting started was the tough bit. I met another older student, who is about my age, and I met up with her study group for an all day session on Friday. Both my lectures for that day were cancelled, but I still spent the whole day at uni and feel that I achieved a lot! In the study group is a girl, that I've been curious about for a while (and I'm sure the rest of the class is to!), trying to work out if she is indeed a male that has decided to join the female side. Turns out she is quite open to talking about it, and yes she is transgender and in the process of getting everything changed to girly bits. Very interesting, if not a little confronting to start with - but then you realise she is just another person and she is just another one of us battling study.

The kids have been a bit unsettled this week. Grace was upset when I dropped her off to pre-school on Wednesday. As we got in the car she said that she was sick of being so "busy" and wanted things to go back to normal, and me home more. The poor little things has had a hard go adjusting to me not being with her all the time, and also having to be up and out the door quite early in the morning. Xav did also ask the other day if I could stay with him all day, not leave him like I have. He also tells me every night as I put him to bed that he missed me today, sweet little boy. I completely understand where they are coming from, and I'm trying my hardest to make this transition as smooth as possible for them both. We have all had it good for so long, with me being able to stay at home and be their main carer - something I appreciate not everyone gets to do.

I really struggled the first few weeks, thinking that I had to carry all the load because I was the one going to study. But Duane really made it clear for me the other day when we had a chat. It would be the same if I went to work full-time, they are both our children and therefore both our responsibility. It's just hard after being the one to mostly run the house and be with the children, to all of a sudden stop and reshuffle the roles around.

Wendy has been an absolute god-send, and I can't tell her enough how much I appreciate what she is doing for us. She is loving it though, and tells me all the time how much she enjoys spending so much time with the kids. She has gone from looking after them rarely, and never taking them out in the car, to having them a few times a week and taking them out and about. Every day she does something fun with them - either the park or cooking. They are loving it too, and the relationship they all have is so special. Trevor, Duane and I are all keeping a watchful eye on her though, making sure that she doesn't wear herself out. It's only going to be a lot for her these first few months, until Xav starts pre-school 2 days a week in July.

Right at the start of semester, one of the first year advisers warned us that around Easter time will be tough. Apparently that is when everyone gets sick and both your family and you start questioning if this is the right thing to do. Seems I am right on schedule. I'm feeling like I'm fighting a cold, so for the last week I've been dosing myself on vitamins in the hope that I can avoid it. Also, this week I really started to have my doubts that I could do this. It was a combo of the workload, and the time that I feel I am missing with the kids. I'm hoping those feeling have peaked, and I'm on the way to feeling confidant that I can do this. I just need to stay on top of things, and not get snowballed under - which is a hard thing to do.

I have been thinking wistfully back to the good old days of being a stay at home Mum, and how much of a luxury that really is. I really hope that I didn't take advantage of how precious that time is.